Living OS-and feeling mad about it!

**Posts:** 2 · by **trade** » Wed Jul 13, 2005 8:28 am

Hi, I'm not really sure what to say....Im having bouts (lasting a few days) of almost uncontrollable anger/uncontrollable crying. I get so angry I want to set fire to things. I hit myself and smash my head into the walls and, god, I get so so angry. Last night I tore the arms from my boyfriend's favourite stuffed toy.
Then I laughed.
Anger and frustration is usually triggered by boyfriend, I feel unsupported by him and we don't have enough sex (less than once a week), which I take as rejection, which makes me feel angry, etc, etc. He says I should stop acting like a child.

I know all the usual advice, like calming, relaxing, etc.
Problem is, I feel suffocated and had my first mini panic attack today, hyperventilating... Im living in a major Asian city, I hate it here (been here 1 year) and I'm posted here (int'l org) for about 16 more months. Its the 2nd time I have to live in a horrible Asian city and I just want to go home and be with my family/friends.
But I'll stay, and I'll be OK. I just need to learn how to deal with these bursts of anger!!! I feel like maybe my relationship is coming to a crisis point which will force action (like perhaps me leaving my boyfriend)...but this scares me because I love him very much.
Thank you for listening.

**Posts:** 146 · by **angrywife** » Wed Jul 13, 2005 12:35 pm

Dear Trade,

Hi,

I think when you are stuck in a particular situation, you try to make the best of the situation.

Since you already know that you will be staying in the "horrible Asian city" for another 16 months, I suggest you find out more about what you can do in the city and all the fun places where you and your bf can visit, eat, shop, watch movies, etc. You can learn new things about the place and the people there. And the time together with your bf will bring you closer (if you are having fun!)

Just remember not to let anger spoil this time in your life for you. The one thing I absolutely recommend is Meditation - even a few minutes daily will bring you peace of mind. Its the one thing that's calmed me a lot even in turbulent/unpleasant atmospheres.

As for your relationship with your bf, since you really love him, you just need to try very hard to always be nice to him. Because your bf will reciprocate that, and you will end up having more happy moments together than angry hateful ones.

I am short-tempered and somehow my husband always has to take the wrath of my anger, probably because he is the only one who will take it (he loves me). I have taken up meditation and am making a conscious effort not to blow the smallest things out of proportion. I used to throw tantrums where I would throw things across the room and yell. I have fewer rage episodes now, I always think, is this issue really worth all of this?

Just my 2 cents, Good Luck!

**Posts:** 2 · by **trade** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 3:43 am

Thank you so much angrywife. We had a long talk and agreed that both of us had stopped respecting each other and stopped having fun times together. Also that the real sexual spark of attraction between us has never really been there.
I feel lighter, calmer and relieved.
It feels so good to be so honest.
Whatever happens, I know it's just important to remember I always have choices.
Thank you so much for your advice: I'm going to a pilates class this afternoon.

Living OS-and feeling mad about it!

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