Another try.

I recently posted about quitting weed about 2 weeks ago, but I relapsed. I am trying again now and I am on Day 3. I am 23 years old, and have been heavily smoking for the past few years (about an 1/8 every 2 days). The last 3 days have been hell for me. I don't remember a time in my life where I have been this depressed. I drank last night to help me feel better, but all that did was make the next day even more unbearable. I have no energy, no motivation to get out of bed to face my problems, and have a deep feeling of sadness. I have an overall negative view of everything now. I do have lots of thoughts of suicide, but will never go through with it as I am somewhat a Christian. The worse part is, I know if I just take one joint... all these bad feelings will be gone and I will feel "normal" again. I have quit before, and it actually lasted for about 2 months before something really bad happened and I had to smoke to get through it. I do remember how great I felt when I was feeling good and naturally high on life when I was off the devil's green. I'm feeling completely broken at the moment. This road trip off marijuana has been a lot harder than I anticipated. This time around it has been much harder because many factors in my life are not going well at all(school, work, etc.) I have many toker friends and dealers blasting my phone all day wondering where I am. I'm not sure how else to describe my current state of mind except, just a deep feeling of sadness that won't go away. I am a male, and I am definitely not use to being so emotional. I hung out with a few old friends I use to have that didn't do the herb, and my conversations with them are depressing to say the least. All I could talk about was deep, sentimental issues about life in general (this coming from someone who is known to be the class clown). I think the thing about weed is that it makes you forget about your problems, but when you are off it, you have even more anxiety with even the smallest problems, which for me has led to avoidance coping. There are a few quitting marijuana support groups in my area, but I'm not sure how comfortable I will be at those things. Being a 6th year Psych Major (yes, really 6 years!), you would think I would be able to handle myself better in this recovery process. 3 days ago when I first stopped smoking, I was a complete manic depressive. I had probably the most strong natural high in my life without weed, and my most depressing feeling all in the same day. During my manic phase (or happy phase), I did a lot of crazy things out of character. I went to a restaurant and gave a $10 tip on a $20 dollar bill. I took a skateboard and took it down a steep, curvy hill, that was really slick from the rain, knowing that I would most likely completely crash even if it were dry. I went ahead and went full speed down it as on lookers thought I was crazy. Lets just say I am lucky to not be in the hospital at the moment. Later that day though, I experienced the deepest feeling of depression in my life. That depression is still here 3 days later. At least I know I am at rock bottom, and that I can only be the same or get better the next few days. The only thing that is keeping me going, is knowing that one day, I will be able to wake up and feel naturally happy and high about life again. I'm not sure what else to say, but this "down" feeling is incredibly hard to deal with. Another factor that is helping me get through this amazingly difficult phase, is knowing that I never want to have to go through this depression again. Even as I write this, I'm getting cold sweats which I usually only get when I'm sleeping. This is really tough, I just hope this time around I have enough will to get through it. I deeply respect a lot of you for being able to get through this addiction, especially those who have smoked for many more years than I did.