Hi all
This is my first time posting on a forum so here goes!
It's very interesting to read all the postings on the topic of public speaking and of course, the first thing I’m thinking is 'that's exactly how I’m feeling!'
I've had huge issues with public speaking and social phobia mixed with depression since my mid-teens (am 29 now) which comes and goes to varying degrees but it's been pretty bad recently. I've been through some hypnotherapy, CBT, meditation techniques, normal counselling and public speaking groups but more recently beta-blockers (Propranolol) and I must say that they have really helped most significantly.
But I went back to see my doctor recently as I was unsure of the correct dosage and the implications of exercising whilst taking them (due to the effects lowering of the heart rate). He decided to take me off them and has now diagnosed Citalopram anti-depressants (which apparently help anxiety sufferers) which i'm very unsure about as have always resisted the temptation of that kind of medication. Would be interested if anyone out there has any experience of this drug (although what’s good for one person isn’t necessarily good for another!)
Like many others I’ve had good and bad days. I’ve had a lot of job interviews recently most of which went really well after the first few mins as it seems to be the initial 5 mins of any meeting, social situation, interview etc which sends me into a huge, heart-pounding panic! I’ve read on this forum that many others seem to go through the same thing and I can only assume that it’s your body and minds reaction to the fact that nothing catastrophic is actually happening so your heart rate starts to lower and you begin to feel calm. For me if I go into a meeting and I’m the first one to speak (or perhaps the last) it goes horribly wrong and that happened in an interview recently where the opening sentence was “right, tell us all about yourself”. I had to stop after about 30 seconds of talking and admit I was very nervous and they were fine about it. That prompted me to start thinking about the possibilities of being far more open an honest about my anxieties rather than continuously hiding them away and putting on the ‘brave face’.
If I tell people about my issues they are genuinely surprised and shocked as I always strive to come across as confidant even when I’m not and I’m beginning to think that perhaps the only way to start beating this thing is to be honest about my issues! I’d be very keen to know if anyone else had tried this method though.
I have been in despair in relation to my career recently as I work as a finance manager in the arts and charity sectors and I need to be able to hold meetings, presentations etc but avoid them like the plague to the extent that I will choose a job based on its presumed level of public speaking. I really want to pursue a career as a producer for festivals and film and made a great start at it last year but I jacked it in because of the public speaking/social elements of the job which has been devastating. So basically I feel like my life is being forced in a certain direction due to my anxiety and public speaking fears because I just couldn’t cope to be in a job where I have to deal with public speaking every day.
So this has recently prompted me to get more involved with other people who are going through it in the hope that this will be another step closer to a more happier life! Reading some of the posts on this forum have helped already to make me realise it's not just me and there are so many others out there in exactly the same boat.
Lisa