Hi again Daniel,
Well there you go, you feel like you're "worthless" and that's one reason you've been smoking pot.
Pot won't help you to stop feeling worthless, in fact, it will probably do the opposite and make you think you're
more worthless the more you smoke the years away.
You are not worthless.You are 22 years young and you
want to change and you want to not feel worthless.
Have you got a good GP? They can refer you to see a psychologist to talk to.
I find it great having my psychologist to talk to as he doesn't "know" me and is only there to help me. A psychologist can help with your anxiety/depression and feelings of worthlessness; they have the tools and the ability to help you create different neural pathways in your brain to stop you thinking the way you do about yourself.
I would also recommend reading the book "The Power Of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. You may have heard about this book before. I've just started to read it this year; I'm only up to chapter 3, but already I can see that it is going to be an amazing book to help me with my psychological "issues" and outlook on life in general. He talks about how you can learn to stop/watch your unconscious thoughts and to realise that those thoughts (that little voice in your head that tends to only tell you negative things) are not
you, not the
true you.
I don't know whether your 20s are the "toughest" years of your life, as I'm only 28 myself and not through with my 20s yet. However, I have had tough times and I've learnt a f**kload about myself in these last 8 years and I can only really be happy about that. I'd prefer to have these struggles now and to learn about myself now than to wait till my 30s, 40s, etc to be doing these soul searching things. Yes, your 20s may be your "prime" years, but personally, I reckon my 30s will be pretty damn fabulous!
Just because you didn't think your life would "turn out like this", doesn't mean you don't have the power and strength to change how it "turns out" in a years time, ten years time. You are the one making decisions and choices in your life and it is only you who can turn it all around
You are at the point in your life where you
believe/think you should be more independent. Not that you "should" be. Everyone has their own journey and their own path to follow and so what if you're not doing what
everyone else is doing at the same age they are doing it. That's their journey and to be honest, "they" probably have their own problems and life may take a turn for the worse for them later in their lives. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors and social media is terribly good at showing us only the
good in other peoples' lives. People don't want to show you when they're not doing well. Other people want to post things when their lives are great, they don't show you the bad stuff.
What do you want for yourself? A job? An education? To buy a house? To travel? I don't expect you to answer here, but just think about it. Don't worry about what you think "the world" wants you to do, or your parents, or your friends. Just think about what
you want.
Once you know what you want, you can figure out how to work towards it
If your current friends are still into smoking and that's not something you want to do any more, you need to get yourself out there and maybe meet some new people. Playing ball on a team one weeknight perhaps? I don't know what you're interested in, but I'm sure you can meet people by doing things you enjoy.
Doesn't matter at what age you decide you want to study, if it's what you want then go for it! Age doesn't matter.
I hope that some of what I've said is helpful and once again, I'm here to talk to if you want
Cheers,
Eden