Controlling Confidence and Self Esteem

I believe that emotional intelligence is only capable when you are mentally well. If the person has an underlying mental or physical illness then that person needs to fix this before working on being emotionally intelligence. Sometimes its not that easy to fix the problem. For example, the person needs to seek help themselves and understand that they need help and in some cases I believe that it can be related to genetics, diet, lack of sleep etc etc. The person then needs to be persistent and seek medical help until they feel like they are in control and confident with themselves. I have just been through depression for 4 years. I am an elite sportsperson and was persistent until I found the answer for my depression and I am now back to normal and so happy with myself and with others.

Hope this helps!

I believe that emotional intelligence is only capable when you are mentally well. If the person has an underlying mental or physical illness then that person needs to fix this before working on being emotionally intelligence. Sometimes its not that easy to fix the problem. For example, the person needs to seek help themselves and understand that they need help and in some cases I believe that it can be related to genetics, diet, lack of sleep etc etc. The person then needs to be persistent and seek medical help until they feel like they are in control and confident with themselves. I have just been through depression for 4 years. I am an elite sportsperson and was persistent until I found the answer for my depression and I am now back to normal and so happy with myself and with others.

Hope this helps!

Hi there,

Thanks for your comment. I just think that many people have experienced low self esteem in their lives without necessarily having mental illnesses. I am one of them. I think the issue is mainly related to your Amygdala (located in the brain), that stores your emotions you had in your life. When you encounter events that you had earlier, your amygdala triggers the same emotions you had earlier associated with the previous events.

There are some people that I didn't like them during my teenhood. Whenever I used to see them, I felt scared and uncomfortable. When I see them around today, even though I know they won't try to bother me because they are old enough for this, I still get the same negative feelings I used to have whener I saw them. I sort of lose confidence when I am around them in the present time.
My question is, how can you defeat your Amygdala by not allowing it to trigger those old negative emotions and therefore negatively affect your confidence and self esteem?

Its really complicated. Having said all that and after reading everything I believe that we need to measure (if there is such a measure because I have read that it can only be measured through cerebral fluid, and not urine, and this is obviously dangerous) neurotransmitters in the brain. This is where Amygdala (I think - don't quote me on this) is where it fits in). I believe the levels of neurotransmitters must therefore fluctuate when you become uncomfortable and because you can't measure it at that certain point of time then it becomes hard to diagnose the actual cause. This is where I state that I think there is an underlying mental illness (not necessary a major mentall illness such as depression but perhaps anxiety). Having said all this neurostransmitters are apparently affected by diet. For example aspartame depletes serotonin levels etc etc.

Not sure if this heaps, I am an information junkie and at the moment trying to study sports medicine for women (both elite and beginner).

KAL,

I have the same problems as you. I guess you just have to go with the flow, if you know what I mean. In my opinion, if you are under negative emotions and under psychological stress, try to understand first why you are feeling this way, but if you know it is something that is irrational or something that is related to your physiology like your "overstimulated amygdala", don't be too introspective and intrapersonal, instead, just keep your mind off it and try to be more spontaneous.

Like for example, if you always feel unconfident and generally have a low self-esteem, be more spontaneous and do less self-reflecting as over the years, I learnt that that it would get me more depressed. I am not saying that we should not look our problems in the eye but I am saying that when we can not do anything about it, like the fear of public speaking, the only thing to do is to take a deep breath and take the plunge into the cold pool. Thinking about the fear of public speaking would only make matters worst and would be a waste of time, as trying to convince yourself about something can be really difficult or at most temporary.

Hello Kal,

Practice shining. Practice feeling absolutely brilliant, morning, afternoon and evening.

I personally found that listening to real upbeat music is a great way to introduce this method, then persist. Do it every day.

I too have suffered from extreme low confidence and self esteem (i couldnt look my family in the eye it was so low). I came to realise that feeling bad and low in confidence is partly due to habit, so to break this I started (and still am) practicing feeling great. I cant believe the difference it has made to my life and I sincerely hope that you experience similar results as nothing feels worse than low confidence and self esteem.

Also, be careful with the language you use to describe your feelings and emotions, negative language will result in negative feelings, as positive language results in positive feelings.


hope this helps,

Adi

You have the power to effect changes in your self-esteem. It is in your control because it is your mind that causes you to react the way you do.

"The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives." - William James

"Our lives are what our thoughts make of them." - Marcus Aurelius

Take a look at this article: http://www.your-positive-attitude.com/thinking-for-self-esteem.html

adi wrote:Hello Kal,

Practice shining. Practice feeling absolutely brilliant, morning, afternoon and evening.

I personally found that listening to real upbeat music is a great way to introduce this method, then persist. Do it every day.

I too have suffered from extreme low confidence and self esteem (i couldnt look my family in the eye it was so low). I came to realise that feeling bad and low in confidence is partly due to habit, so to break this I started (and still am) practicing feeling great. I cant believe the difference it has made to my life and I sincerely hope that you experience similar results as nothing feels worse than low confidence and self esteem.

Also, be careful with the language you use to describe your feelings and emotions, negative language will result in negative feelings, as positive language results in positive feelings.


hope this helps,

Adi

Music can be a really useful tool for this sort of thing. In fact if you listen to music that allows you to slow your brainwaves down and do visualizations to this - you can often get better improvements than if you were just listening to music or doing visualizations by themselves. This is because you access the subconsious and your brain can't differentiate between what you imagine and what you believe.
http://www.selfdevelopmentsecrets dot com/freeattractionreport.html

KAL wrote:Daniel Goleman gave us some interesting techniques in his book on controlling negative emotions such as Anger, Sadness, Worry, ...etc. But does anyone know how someone could raise one's self esteem or confidence.

If for example someone wasn't popular in a certain place and one day was obliged to go visit this place, how can he/she go there and act with pride and ease instead of feeling fear, low confidence, or low self esteem ?

You do it by developing real self worth. Self worth that is based on internals and not on externals such as others approval.

That being said, we all have limits and if one desires to be at peace one should avoid known areas that work to destroy one's peace.

In Sexual Compulsives Anonymous they have a tool called abstention.

We abstain from people, places or things that harm us.

I have to continually ask myself if the person, place, thing or activity is placing unreasonable demands on my time and energy, will it place me in legal jeopardy or endanger my mental, physical or spiritual health?

If so, it must go if I have control of this choice.

And if I have no control, I work on accepting it as the serenity prayer suggests and apply program recovery tools to the issue.




V (Male)


For free access to my earlier posts on voluntary simplicity, compulsive spending, debting, compulsive overeating and clutter write: [email protected]. Any opinion expressed here is that of my own and is not the opinion, recommendation or belief of any group or organization.

In reality the only way to raise ones self esteem and confidence is to do new and unfamiliar things. People often think that self esteem comes when people compliment you or praise you but in actual fact this can often produce the reverse effect. It is called self esteem because only you can do this, people can only give you advice in what to do.

I have often felt that you must just do it it doesn't matter what the outcomes are (unless lifethreatening) if it is a positive outcome then fantastic, if it is a negative outcome then fantastic also because you can learn from this experience. It is a win win situation!!! One just needs to learn how to appreciate and utililise this idea!!

New and useful things not neccesarily. Some people get confidence from the same old things.

Say, theres plenty of sciencec nerds that have self confidence because they think what their doing is imporant and that they've accomplished somthing with their education, if this includes reading and doing the same stuff allday, it can still work.

depends on the person in myy experience.

When the problem is self esteem or self confidence is because something emotional is going on and to me a tool that is very helpful is EFT, peel the onion layer by layer and you can restore our self esteem. It is not a quick fix



selfesteemawareness dor com/emotional-freedom-techniques dot .htm

When the problem is self esteem or self confidence is because something emotional is going on and to me a tool that is very helpful is EFT, peel the onion layer by layer and you can restore our self esteem. It is not a quick fix



selfesteemawareness dor com/emotional-freedom-techniques dot .htm

You are right in saying that the same situations and people can make you recall all the same emotional responses, both negative and positive.

You can choose to react differently however, NLP techniques will allow you to literally re-programme your mind and choose more positive thinking patterns. I use them in my coaching to great effect.

www.yellowcoaching.com