why do we want that someone special?

It's biological, viz2211. But you don't want to be at the mercy of your biology, which will tell you any girl will do. You need compatibility, and that means knowing yourself first.

Be "that special person", make yourself happy, and then you can be sure of good judgment.

According to maslow's hierarchy of needs, everybody have belonging and esteem need. Everybody have a need for friendship. Everybody want to get importance, acceptance and respect from others. Psychologically, I don't think this feeling is unnormal and need to be stopped. And I don't think you can these basic needs of human beings!

Throughout your relationship history, roughly how long are the periods between relationships where you've been single?

Wanting someone "special" is subjective/personal. Only you can answer that. So...what does it mean to want someone special in your view? What does "special" mean in relation to partners? Maybe you can list some features (physical and personality-wise) of what "special" might include.

I take it that when you are single you don't feel grounded? Do you feel some kind of emptiness or void that you want to fill up by being with someone?

[quote="viz2211"]I had recently become single. I've always had partners the past 20 yrs (one at a time ). Now I feel lonely and am trying to understand why. Hopefully getting to the root helps me stop feeling lonely.

I can completely relate to this - I'm just coming out of a co-dependent, narcissistic relationship with my fiancee of 5 years. She broke it off. Anyway, even though I have my good days and my bad days, my life seems consumed by the thought of never finding anyone else again. I've stayed in many toxic relationships in the past, purely because I didn't want to be alone. Now I'm alone and there are parts I like, but I miss the comfort, the nurture and just having someone to love, and someone who loves me.

My therapist has told me that I'm incredibly vulnerable and it all stems back to my childhood. My self esteem is non existent and I'm incredibly co-dependent. It's not necessarily the girl I miss, it's more the affection.

I get what you're going through, and I feel the same - I want to know how I can change it and to just know eventually I will meet someone who I can share my happiness with. I want to be loved and I'm absolutely terrified that's not going to happen - kinda sad coming from a 28 year old 'man' (my therapist believes I still have the mentality of a child - due to my fathers alcoholism).