Binging and starving - what is it?

Yes, you definitely have eating issues which probably fall under the category Not Otherwise Specified.

Could you talk a little more about your mood, or just the way you feel during these periods?

It sounds very much like bullimia. A couple of people Ive known had it. One had to go to a clinic to be cured. The other looks really gaunt. Ive lost touch with her but I think she still has it. She would eat slimfast for lunch and dinner then binge on something and make herself throw up, she would also go out and get hammered. It was her erratic behaviour that led me to lose touch wiht her. She was very high strung and her mother used to criticise her a lot when she was a child, but she had a priveleged childhood, in fact both did. It's generally in my experience a sign of deep unhappiness and anxiety. Im just going by the two cases Ive come across. Both were under pressure to be sociable and perfect and both had underlying esteem issues and a bit of dysmorphia. They were also both also very attractive but seemed to need lots of attention from men to prove it. Well the second one's husband was having affairs and she was having affairs. She had a disabled son. It was maybe also a reaction to the emotional stress of that.

Thanks for chiming in, guys.

Datura- I checked out the "Something Fishy" hyperlink and definitely identify with the synopsis of NOS. I don't believe my p-doc considers it an eating disorder or anything worth noting/addressing. I guess that's why I'm asking here- b/c it doesn't feel "normal." I admit I haven't been totally frank with her, but have mentioned it in certain terms a few times when she's inquired about a dramatic weight change. (She takes my weight at every session, so I know she realizes something is up. Just not the details.) A big part is that I'm simply embarrassed. I don't want to seem like I'm just chock full of "issues," nor attention seeking. It seems like she has enough on the table to deal with my other diagnosis'.

Epel1- In the binging stage, I feel "mixed state" or hypomanic, usually. I "do" without "thinking." I feel hyped up, restless, out of control, like my thoughts are stuck on "fast forward." I'm often very productive, active, and handle social situations best. My mood can waver a lot - in the morning I might be terribly depressed and by evening I could be downright cheerful, then the next morning waken irritable. I never know what mood I'll be in from one day to the next.

In the starvation phase, I'm steadily dropping into a state of depression and an intropective, overly controlled state of mind- I become a "thinker" rather than a "doer." I withdraw from people and "shut down." I can sit for hours and do nothing. I WANT to do nothing. I can get really low- deeply despairing, profound hopelessness. Rarely do I swing back up into a cheerful state. I get SI cravings and intrusive suicidality.

Annie- I can identify with some of those things- esp. the self-esteem issues, life stress, and deep unhappiness. I surely didn't have a privelaged childhood, but I do have perfectionistic qualities as I don't have a useful concept of who I am, how to act, and lack perspective on whether I'm a good or bad person- so I try hard to do everything as "right" as possible, according to my own moral compass- which may or may not be misleading. I think probably growing up in an alcoholic environment didn't help this perception that I've had all my life.

Stella - in cases such as this I believe that your problems are more or less "habits" - though that isn't exactly the right word.

A story about me: I used to get "wound up" in something similar to what you described as hypomanic. Back in the day I called it "crackahol". I would literally bounce off the walls as if I had just taken a liquid shot of nitro until I'd crash. In my episodes, I focused on bouncing around, rather than food. I would often nearly become violent. Not as an aggressive thing, just as being hyperactive. I would get gashes and cuts on my arms and legs and not even feel it.

I "fixed" that problem by learning to curb those episodes. When I felt the precursors, I consciously put forth the effort to change my actions. At some point - you have learned to "let go of the controls" and allow your mind to drive. You need to work on taking the steering wheel back from your rambunctious and unstable mind.

One exercise that I came up with as practice in impulse control was to simply sit. (Fancy, huh?) - Here's how you do it: At any point in any day, no matter how you feel, just have a sit on the couch. Turn everything off, no phones, computers, TV, nothing. You can leave the lights on. Then just sit. Look around the room. Resist fidgeting. Resist thinking. "Tame your mind". Of course your mind will want to wander - it will want to compel you to do other things. You will get restless and agitated.

Continue to sit until you have control. It's a very rewarding experience.

Well, this sounds very much like, as I think you already know, what the DSM-IV would label as bipolar II. The moods that accompany your eating "habits" are severe and extreme. As Seta37 said above, perhaps not directly, but improved judgment through exercise and experience is a very common coping mechanism for individuals with bipolar disorder.

One thing that can swing you from pole to pole is stress. It can eat away at you until your endocrine system eventually just .. gives out, so to say. If you can find ways to limit the stress you encounter daily, naturally or unnaturally, it would be greatly beneficial. Whether this be changing your eating habits to lesser stress producing foods, or just learning things and situations to avoid. Avoiding stress hormone overproduction will help you stay out of the hypomanic phase, and because you will not be overproducing, thus not wearing yourself out, hopefully avoiding the depressive stage as well.

stella_blues wrote:
Annie- I can identify with some of those things- esp. the self-esteem issues, life stress, and deep unhappiness. I surely didn't have a privelaged childhood, but I do have perfectionistic qualities as I don't have a useful concept of who I am, how to act, and lack perspective on whether I'm a good or bad person- so I try hard to do everything as "right" as possible, according to my own moral compass- which may or may not be misleading. I think probably growing up in an alcoholic environment didn't help this perception that I've had all my life.

Perhaps you have an underlying anxiety that drives your perfectionism? It's common with an alcoholic or otherwise chaotic environment during childhood to have a level of codependency as an adult and to not feel anxious subconsciously that your own needs are not being met, but also to consciously put those needs aside and feel compelled to constantly meet the needs of others and make order of your world wherever possible. So I guess the contradictory messages this behaviour creates would be reflected in your putting food in with one hand and throwing it up using the other.

Having chaos in early life makes you feel that your own needs are not important and that you are unimportant. This is because the chaotic parents did not pay enough attention to your needs and you probably had to take on responsibility early on without being equipped emotionally for that burden. So the anxiety would be the conflict of the burden and the stress caused by needing love and support from the emotionally needy parent who is unable to give it but instead takes up all your emotions with their condition.

Do you mean anorexia? I have described anorexia and bulimia at:

Eating Disorders

Also read:

Treatments for Anorexia and Eating Disorders

Seta- What you describe is actually a "Mindfulness Skill" in Dialectical Behavior Therapy, with which I've recently become intensively involved. It's designed for Bipolar and Borderline Personalities to do just what you say- curb, or manage, ineffective behavior. I'm finding it EXTREMELY challenging.

Eple1- Well, maybe you should look into becoming a doctor b/c that's indeed my Axis I diagnosis. I do think stress is more of a culprit. I eat pretty healthy foods and take a pile of daily supplements. I love veggies and they're a prominant part of my diet- but I also like breads (home made is truly my nemesis!) and baked things. I get whole grains when I can, but that doesn't change the carb value! I focus on proteins; nuts, beans, fish, chicken,and red meat are all fair game. I use very little sugar normally, though in a binge stage I desperately crave sweets and chocolate. I've switched to decaf coffee and have cut back on artificial sweetners (Splenda.)

Annie-

makes you feel that your own needs are not important and that you are unimportant

This is SO true to how I react in life. It's not that I consciously walk around feeling unimportant- but my actions and expectations betray it in so many ways. I usually place myself in the role of the fixer. If there's a mess, even if I didn't create it, I automatically assume responsibility and clean it up. Whether it's literally a mess in the kitchen or figuritively as, say, a disagreement among friends, I step in to fix it without even thinking.

I've also been having a very hard time advocating for myself dealing with doctors. It doesn't come naturally to me- I don't have any perspective in the moment. Lately, my partner has to accompany me with most medical appointments (I have a heart condition) to speak on my behalf. Otherwise, I work so dilligently to be a "good" patient without any problems, that it amounts to pointless doctor visits!


Jurplesman- I don't totally identify with anorexia. I can't just starve myself at any given time- it just comes in the "packet" with my current state of mind. I also don't get below my normal body wieght (I get close) and have only once lost my period for a few months, but that was unusual for me. I think it might be more like what Datura mentioned - Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. Have you checked that one out? It really seems to fit better than the description of anorexia.


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Hi Stella Blues

I can identify with what you go through because I also have an eating disorder, among my many other diagnoses. Some people, it is true are diagnosed primarily with anorexia, or bulimia or compulsive overeating, but there are many more people who experience a wide range of eating disorder symptoms at one time or another, and end up crossing over from say restricting to bingeing.

My primary diagnosis is one of restricting anorexia, but that is because I have been significantly below the normal weight for my height, and also had 2 inpatient admissions to eating disorder units in recent years.

However, I also have periods of time when I binge, and sometimes these can last for months. This can include purging too. So, really my diagnosis should also officially be NOS too.

Whatever the diagnosis, or 'label', it doesn't make coping with the eating disorder any easier to manage or to recover from. Do you have support from your family and partner? I can understand you finding it difficult to open up to psychiatrists about this as it is something I find difficult too.

Just to let you know you are not alone and there is a lot of suport from helplines out there.

Karen

Oh, gosh- it's sobering to come back and reread this thread. I forgot when I couldn't make myself purge by throwing up - and it was so recently! It's strange and scary to see the progression - the "growth," like a tumor- of this eating disorder happen right before my eyes. It's given me renewed motivation to get it under control NOW!

Hi Stella

Sorry if revisiting this thread has cause you undue upset. I have just been rounding up a few eating disorder related threads that I felt belonged in this forum now.

In a way though it can be helpful to be reminded of how things were and how quickly things have changed. Any eating disorder can talk hold so fast and overwhelm a person's life before they even realise what is happening and the behaviours very quickly become entrenched.

I am glad re-reading this has given you renewed determination to break free from the trap of bulimia, and hopefully restricting food too.

Karen

I think this thread is pre-occupied with the need to find a label or diagnosis such as "is this anorexia or bulimia?".

Somehow people believe if you have a label, you have a cure or an understanding of an illness. The reality is that labelling diseases is a typically medical method of getting at drugs to treat a disease. But given an label, we find that one alcoholic differs from another, one schizophrenic differs from another, one depressed person differs from another. There are many types of Bipolar Disorders. The truth is that most medical labels describe a series of symptoms that differ from one person to an other. And symptoms are not causes!!!
"There is a curious tendency in Western medicine to name a set of symptoms as a disease!" see:

In Western Medicine Symptoms tend to be confused with causes

Treatment can only succeed if we look at an individual's unique set of symptoms then try to figure out what is going on.

I binge and starve and i have been diagnosed with bulimia. i don't really like the diagnosis though as i don't feel i am 'ill' enough for it and i also wonder how useful it is. one thing i have recently learnt in therapy is that you have learn to control both elements of the problem. i always wanted to just stop binging, but actually quite liked the starving. it's important to realise that the two go hand in hand and it's important to learn to manage both to prevent any further relapses.

i wish the best