First time post just need to vent.
I’ve been angry ever since I can remember but unbeknownst to me until a few years back that my parents sent me away right after my mom gave birth to me to a 3rd world country to live with grandparents so they could get on their feet. I don’t have a problem with them trying to struggle for a better life for themselves and me the problem I have with this is that my mom threw it in a conversation as common knowledge.
Now in my mid 40’s looking thinking about what I heard I can only imagine all the sh** I must have got myself into w/o supervision as I stated they sent me away to be with grandparents. Ever try catching a mouse in the dark with a fragile body?
What I do remember is always feeling disconnected from mom and dad and running away as fast and as long as I could. Father was never around for most of the time except whenever he needed a bed to sleep in or for family photos grinning from ear to ear. I was confused didn’t know why mom was always yelling at him from the top of the stairs I couldn’t make out what was being said but sure as hell she was furious with him. My 2 older sisters who knew better than I and my grandmother would just crush his drunken spirit. After this went on for many years during his absence I was told terrible things about this man. Like that I should hate him too. Things like you need him and he’s never here for. He’s a bad dad for not wanting to spend time with you. So I grew to hate him but there were times when we were alone either him driving me to school or spending time with his friends that I saw another side of him. Definitely one where he was lost but had a big heart and that only made things more confusing from the conflicting messages I was receiving from the ladies at home, watching other kids my age with their dads, tv stereotypes certainly added to it and then my own interpretations just mashed together leaving me desperate for male attention the same males I’ve grown up to mistrust and question everything about their intent.
TBC