I Hate my Stepmom with a passion

So you have a car and a phone. You drink, you smoke pot, you cut yourself.

You post about a single incident where you feel you are unjustly accused. It’s sounds to me like it was not about this single incident, but rather there is much more going on that you are skimming or failing to acknowledge.

My guess is that this is not your first phone issue. My guess is there is a bit of a history with your phone that involves more than this one instance where you are being the good driver.

I use to see this all the time when I would arrest someone and we would go over their rap sheet. It was always fun to listen to them say, “Yes, I admit I did these 10 crimes, but this one...I was innocent!!! The system is so unfair!!”

I believed them, same as I believe you. I believe it sucked to have this confrontation with your stepmom. But, you are wanting to ignore the bigger picture.

Savvygurl wrote:Okay, where do i start.... I have been with my stepmom and my dad since i was in second grade. I am in tenth grade now and i absolutely cannot stand her. She does not accept me as a person under the roof and everything i say to her is "having an attitude" or being "impolite" and i could just be explaining why i need this shirt or why i need to go somewhere and she would flip her sh** on me. There is a definite social pyramid in my house and i am the rubbish at the bottom. Not wanted and treated like sh**. For example, When i had gotten at least two steps out of my car my stepmom comes raging out of the house and yells "GIVE ME YOUR GODDAMN PHONE, I HAVE CALLED YOU LIKE 27 TIMES AND YOU DIDNT ANSWER." Have you know it, i was driving and have enabled the "no notifications while driving" thing on my iphone. I told her " I have the no notofications thing on my phone" and she still proceeded to yell at me to give her my phone. I Then yelled because at this point i was getting annoyed "You're seriously going to take my phone for being a responsible driver?" and she still proceeded to yell at me to giver her my phone. So i had enough and just said no. I said no because i was not going to let her punish me for not breaking a law!!!! It is ridiculous!!! I went back to my car and then locked the door to try to cool down because i felt myself start to get very angry. Then my dad showed up outside the locked car door and told me to give him my phone. so i unlocked the car door and gave him my phone and walked towards my front door, when my dad turned around and proceeded to tell me that i was in the wrong. I went to my room and cooled down and started crying because thats just what i do when im overly angry or sad or really any emotion. In the end i had to apologize and she didnt even have to? HOW THE **** DOES THAT MAKE SENSE? Anyway it has been like that ever since i can remember. She just has my Dad by his balls and he doesnt do anything about her mentally abusing me and at times i feel like i could crack and go crazy or something else. I have cut myself, smoked pot, drank. i try to release my emotions any other way i can because i can't handle her! There is no way out of this everlasting hell that i am in and i have no one that understands what i am going through and there is no one that will do something about it. Its said to hear that your dad lets things go in one ear and out the other 95% of the time your talk to him. I just want to leave, i hate my house and i literally am at my last wits f***ing end with this woman!!!

Dear Savvygurl,

This is an Anger Management Forum. Our intent here is to help people control their anger. But it seems that you might only have come here looking for validation -- you want everybody to cheer you on for being so righteously angry against your step-mother.

But, honestly, just listening to you and the harsh and disrespectful language you use (which would have been unspeakable only a few decades ago) I would have to suspect that your step-mother, if not a virtual saint, is probably not as bad as you portray her to be. I would expect that most people who follow this Forum would be commiserating with that lady, who probably decided to marry your father because he was such a great guy, but miscalculated in regards to the magnitude of the negativity you would introduce into the equation.

You know, you should be old enough to be able to think of somebody else besides yourself. What about your father, in all of this? Don't you think he deserves your support? Then what about if you did finally decide to lighten up on your step-mother a bit and stop treating her like some evil villain arch-enemy? Maybe she would lighten up too. In Anger Management that is called “de-escalating”. It is an advanced skill, but if you are a smart “savvy” young woman, you would probably be able to figure out how to make it work for you and your whole little family.

So, if you want to make the situation better, it is in your power to make it better. Or maybe it is the case that you are just after the Drama. I don’t know you and so I can’t be sure, but it is often the case that many people who purport to be ‘Angry’ are actually almost entirely motivated by the urge to attract attention. They thrive on Drama. Our Culture is inundated with Heroic Stories that come to us in Movies, TV, and even in Romantic Fiction for those who still read books. So people can naturally fantasize about being the Central Character in some Personal Epic Story. And in that regards Contention, Fights, Arguments, Hate and Battles play better on the Stage than quietly getting along. But, they don’t seem to realize that no audience is applauding. Tears, grand speeches, great over the top gestures, and even desperate acts of self-harming won't get them any Oscar Nominations. This is Real Life and Real People should try to make it Livable. In Real Life all sorts of Drama just make waves and rocks the boat. What you really want is smooth, nice, still, placid – good old Peace and Quiet. You smile, your Dad smiles, your step mother smiles. Wouldn't that be better than being able to publically crucify her, which would only make your father very unhappy. The best Dramas were the Shakespearean Tragedies, but everyone always ends up dead. Maybe we should all work towards producing nice sweet little romantic comedies when it comes to our own personal lives.

Anyway, If you want to work on your anger and give your step mum a chance, then let me know, and I could write you a more detailed essay on what steps I would recommend for you.