Dilemma

**Posts:** 14 · by **[Redacted]** » Sun Nov 26, 2017 2:36 am

Unsure how to explain my psychological situation, as there are many factors to take into consideration (though this is likely the case for anyone) so I feel it'd be best to dish out info as I am asked questions.

As for a categorization of my issues, I was actually torn between posting here or in Anger Management, but seeing as my anger is a product of the bigger issue, this felt more appropriate.

To sum up my dilemma, I am dealing with numerous internal struggles stemming from my observations on the world around me. I've come to the conclusion that we live in a dystopia. Thus, I'm torn between living to simply survive, living to do what I want to do in life (which has proven increasingly difficult these past 5 years) or going down the somber route I'm sure you all will repeatedly tell me is not the answer.

A few notes... I am a male only 21 years of age currently attending college courses. I live in an apartment complex and have a day job in a warehouse as of now. I've never dealt with drug, alcohol or any other sort of substance abuse, not even so much as a cigarette. Nor, has any sort of abuse been an issue in my family. In fact, from the surface, most would say I've lived the typical white bread life. It's mainly my psychological approach of the world around that causes the issues I face. I have what seems to be a growing disdain for humans in general and have pretty much lost my ability to trust anyone.

That's all I can think of for now. I may add more as posts are made perhaps. The reason I have decided to post here is partially out of desperation, and partially because therapy, psychiatrists, etc have proven fruitless for me.

**Posts:** 190 · by **Translucent** » Sun Nov 26, 2017 5:27 am

You sound lost. What do you want me to say, that you haven't heard already? Everything is fruitless unless you find the truth, and that is with God. Find a bible and start reading, or go to a priest or pastor with your problem - they'll do it for free.

**Posts:** 14 · by **[Redacted]** » Sun Nov 26, 2017 5:31 am

Translucent wrote:You sound lost. What do you want me to say, that you haven't heard already? Everything is fruitless unless you find the truth, and that is with God. Find a bible and start reading, or go to a priest or pastor with your problem - they'll do it for free.

Ah, I should have mentioned that.

I was raised Christian and regularly attended my youth group up until the age of 17 or so. Around that age is when things started going south for me and as you would expect, I turned to religion for answers. But as it would turn out, it unfortunately couldn't help my issues and I decided religion just wound up not being a fitting lifestyle for me.

Keep in mind, I'm not anti-religion or anything. I respect it's fundamentals and have nothing against religious people (again, fundamentally). It just wound up not being.. for me.

But even if I wanted to turn to religion, I'm living in California. Religious types are hard to come by out here nowadays.

**Posts:** 1554 · by **laureat** » Sun Nov 26, 2017 5:53 am

Sometimes life may hurt or whatsoever: and leave us with a strange state of the mind

Questioning

You have to learn: how to relax, how to enjoy, how to play

It could be ppl around: that leads to depression beware how someone effect how you feel

**Posts:** 14 · by **[Redacted]** » Sun Nov 26, 2017 5:55 am

laureat wrote:Sometimes life may hurt or whatsoever: and leave us with a strange state of the mind

Questioning

You have to learn: how to relax, how to enjoy, how to play

It could be ppl around: that leads to depression beware how someone effect how you feel

I have ways of relaxing but they're all temporary solutions. I'm a pretty solitary person, and I have little to no interest in befriending any Californians.

**Posts:** 190 · by **Translucent** » Sun Nov 26, 2017 6:25 am

It's hard for a young person to resist the evil we see around ourselves. With little power, little influence, and surrounded by youngsters who haven't learned that love - not only for yourself but for others - is they key to a happy life, a young person has very much turmoil on their hands.

But I can give you some advice, take it or not. Endure. Your path may seem dull to you but will yield respect among folk who also don't do drugs - powerful people who can help you. Form bonds with people and always tell the truth. Otherwise you'll be lost and tossed around like chaff. Hope. Not in the losers who you're surrounded by, but in yourself that you will find opportunity and take it, or if you're strong enough, will forge the opportunity yourself.

You have many options. The only thing stopping you is fear, and the only true way to fight that is to have faith.

**Posts:** 14 · by **[Redacted]** » Sun Nov 26, 2017 6:39 am

Translucent wrote:It's hard for a young person to resist the evil we see around ourselves. With little power, little influence, and surrounded by youngsters who haven't learned that love - not only for yourself but for others - is they key to a happy life, a young person has very much turmoil on their hands.

But I can give you some advice, take it or not. Endure. Your path may seem dull to you but will yield respect among folk who also don't do drugs - powerful people who can help you. Form bonds with people and always tell the truth. Otherwise you'll be lost and tossed around like chaff. Hope. Not in the losers who you're surrounded by, but in yourself that you will find opportunity and take it, or if you're strong enough, will forge the opportunity yourself.

You have many options. The only thing stopping you is fear, and the only true way to fight that is to have faith.

I should've elaborated; I'm not after happiness... maybe peace of mind. Unsure right now. But in my eyes, to live to pursue a basic emotion that comes and goes regardless is a pointless endeavor.

I do believe in being honest, but most others see that as rude, understandably, albeit sadly. Thus, I avoid putting my trust in anyone, human nature being what it is.

I do believe that I have the willpower to rise above the idiots (as egotistical as that sounds) but the world keeps keeping me from doing so, and I'm only one person. I have no hope of beating the world at this. I try to be an optimist, but I feel I'm a realist above all else.

I wouldn't say it's fear that's keeping me down as much as hopelessness. I dislike what the concept of life has become, thus I'm quite hesitant to offer it anything.

**Posts:** 190 · by **Translucent** » Sun Nov 26, 2017 7:31 am

[Redacted] wrote:
Translucent wrote:It's hard for a young person to resist the evil we see around ourselves. With little power, little influence, and surrounded by youngsters who haven't learned that love - not only for yourself but for others - is they key to a happy life, a young person has very much turmoil on their hands.

But I can give you some advice, take it or not. Endure. Your path may seem dull to you but will yield respect among folk who also don't do drugs - powerful people who can help you. Form bonds with people and always tell the truth. Otherwise you'll be lost and tossed around like chaff. Hope. Not in the losers who you're surrounded by, but in yourself that you will find opportunity and take it, or if you're strong enough, will forge the opportunity yourself.

You have many options. The only thing stopping you is fear, and the only true way to fight that is to have faith.

I should've elaborated; I'm not after happiness... maybe peace of mind. Unsure right now. But in my eyes, to live to pursue a basic emotion that comes and goes regardless is a pointless endeavor.

I do believe in being honest, but most others see that as rude, understandably, albeit sadly. Thus, I avoid putting my trust in anyone, human nature being what it is.

I do believe that I have the willpower to rise above the idiots (as egotistical as that sounds) but the world keeps keeping me from doing so, and I'm only one person. I have no hope of beating the world at this. I try to be an optimist, but I feel I'm a realist above all else.

I wouldn't say it's fear that's keeping me down as much as hopelessness. I dislike what the concept of life has become, thus I'm quite hesitant to offer it anything.

Why are you going to school and working if you don't want to offer the world anything? Why not live on the streets and die? Why not do drugs and become a junkie? Your situation doesn't sound like hopelessness to me but faithlessness.

Life is a playground for the strong, but a nightmare for the weak, and I'm not just talking about physical strength. You should go out and play a little, that might perk up your spirits. Isolation leads only to delusional thinking and psychosis, which is an epidemic amongst people just like you.

The purpose of life is to learn. If what you're doing is not teaching you what you need to be taught, then you need to break free and pursue your passions. No one else can tell you what they are and no one will do it for you.

**Posts:** 14 · by **[Redacted]** » Sun Nov 26, 2017 8:17 am

Translucent wrote:Why are you going to school and working if you don't want to offer the world anything? Why not live on the streets and die? Why not do drugs and become a junkie? Your situation doesn't sound like hopelessness to me but faithlessness.

Life is a playground for the strong, but a nightmare for the weak, and I'm not just talking about physical strength. You should go out and play a little, that might perk up your spirits. Isolation leads only to delusional thinking and psychosis, which is an epidemic amongst people just like you.

The purpose of life is to learn. If what you're doing is not teaching you what you need to be taught, then you need to break free and pursue your passions. No one else can tell you what they are and no one will do it for you.

Out of the thin hope that I'm wrong and that perhaps I can settle for simply surviving. I don't want to be looked at as scum, because the rage that would come from that would likely have ugly consequences. I don't want to do drugs because I'd rather face my pain then pretend to be fine and dandy.

I bike almost every day. (It's my only mode of transportation other than a bus) so I get my fair share of exercise. And my isolation is mainly due to the fact that every person I've known eventually winds up being quite terrible. I wish I were exaggerating when I say "every". All of my interactions with others (family, friends, classmates, etc) have ended in me realizing the other person is reprehensible. So I cut off contact with them to avoid any escalation.

Besides, I feel at peace when I'm in solitude significantly more than when I'm with people. Not so much due to social anxiety but more so due to my disdain for people as a whole. I suppose it's just me being dealt a bad hand and having bad luck with people, but nothing's changed for several years now, and I think it goes without saying that not everyone is cut out to be a people person.

As for my passion in life, it's simply cartooning. Unfortunately, that was an unwise choice on my part. Not only is cartooning looked down upon, but as I step deeper into the industry, I'm starting to understand why that's the case these days. After witnessing the seemingly collective psyche of this up and coming generation of cartoonists, it's getting to the point where I'm starting to become embarrassed to tell people I'm a cartoonist. Even though I'm confident in my skills, it's quite depressing to be the odd one out in a community full of sexually deluded lowlifes who lack even the most fundamental knowledge of the medium... yet somehow earn acclaim from whomever stumbles upon their uninspired nonsensical perverted (and often sexist) drivel via the web.

Thus, I'm torn. Should I continue pursuing a career doing what I enjoy doing despite society being determined to keep me on the low end of things given my career choice coupled with my hatred of pretty much anyone else in the medium?
I love making art, but the world sees to it that I hate every other aspect about it. Hell, it's tried to take away my dominant hand almost 5 times within the past 2 years. As if it's doing everything it can to tear me down. Ominous.

**Posts:** 190 · by **Translucent** » Sun Nov 26, 2017 8:37 am

Being alone is good to hone personal skills, but in the long run it can lead to depression and self-indulgence, plus psychosis. However I understand your need for it in this particular time.

There are good people out there, and once you find them, you will feel good. In the meantime, work on yourself and your skills. It's hard to approach people and expect respect when you haven't done anything noteworthy yet. That's why being young can be so tough.

Take it easy, do something that makes you feel good and relax. Or you can disregard all advice and be free, which I think you're hinting is important to you.

**Posts:** 1554 · by **laureat** » Mon Nov 27, 2017 1:40 am

You dont have to do too much to be happy:

Takes no effort to relax
Takes no effort to enjoy
Takes no effort to forgive
Takes no effort to be thankful
Takes no effort to be proud
Takes no effort to believe

Happiness is effortless: why not be happy?

**Posts:** 14 · by **[Redacted]** » Mon Nov 27, 2017 1:41 am

laureat wrote:You dont have to do too much to be happy:

Takes no effort to relax
Takes no effort to enjoy
Takes no effort to forgive
Takes no effort to be thankful
Takes no effort to believe

Happiness is effortless: why not be happy?

I do not agree with this at the slightest.

And as I said earlier, happiness is not what I'm striving for.

**Posts:** 1554 · by **laureat** » Mon Nov 27, 2017 1:50 am

Peace of mind is effortless

You need effort to disturb the peace

**Posts:** 14 · by **[Redacted]** » Tue Nov 28, 2017 1:36 pm

Could any of you possibly redirect me to a site that can offer me professional help? (that doesn't beg me for money, of course)

**Posts:** 1554 · by **laureat** » Wed Nov 29, 2017 4:27 am

to redirect you somewhere else like who? Like someone who aprove your defensive state of mind?

Our feelings are simple :
You hate you become depressed, have no peace of mind, have no happiness and vice versa

So im teaching you how it works: and all you do is hate and say no your unprofessional redirect me somewhere else

Dilemma

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