How do I make things better?

**Posts:** 4 · by **lellic18** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 1:45 pm

Everything has gone so far, I don't know how to make anything better.
My relationships with every single member of my family are sh**. I have absolutely no friends. I feel dissatisfied and unfulfilled with my life. I have no one to talk to and take my frustration out by lashing out at people, today I hit my sister. I feel so bad, she was crying so much and looked so frightened and distressed. She told me I'm a monster and that I'm ruining her life, that no one likes me. I don't hit her very often at all - I'm 18, she's 16 and when we were younger we used to hit each other. My parents have been violent at times, more with me than with my sister, but I wouldn't class them as physically violent particularly. They do make me feel bad about myself though and I think I manifest this and it eventually comes out with me hitting my sister. I've never really bruised her or anything but that's not the point. I tried to commit suicide today... I came so close but I always tie the rope so that I can get myself out if I need to. I hang until I get a high and feel the proximity of death and then chicken out like a pathetic idiot. I hit my sister today and my mum said next time she would call the police. I don't know how to make things better. I am just getting drunk and ringing places like Samaritans up......how pathetic but I feel so lost.

**Posts:** 10113 · by **JuliusFawcett** » Sun Mar 30, 2014 4:40 pm

Are you willing to change?

Are you willing to accept people as they are?

Are you willing to forgive?

**Posts:** 82 · by **hope1306** » Mon Mar 31, 2014 3:35 am

Oh my dear... You are not pathetic. You must know that.

Its hard to live with a temper like that i know. And suicide is not going to help you or them sweety. Your family loves you and i can tell you love them too. I do think you should think about where your anger and resentment stems from. Start there and try to walk away when you feel the rage building.

Please take care of yourself and try to do as i have asked. Also talk to us. I am always willing to listen.

**Posts:** 4 · by **lellic18** » Mon Mar 31, 2014 9:43 am

Thank you hope, you were very sympathetic and supportive, so kind of you, thank you. I obviously have a lot to work through and there are lots of things wrong with my life which I try to change, am desperate to change, but have been unsuccessful for the most part. I don't know why I resort to self-harm or suicide every time I feel like this...I think perhaps I don't value my life very highly, I definitely am unhappy and I suppose those things tip me over the edge. It's so difficult though to be constantly fighting against it....always trying to make things better when they don't seem to be changing at all. That's why I feel pathetic and worthless.... Thank you so much though, I hope my family loves me and I will try so hard to walk away in the future.

**Posts:** 82 · by **hope1306** » Mon Mar 31, 2014 11:46 am

Its a great pleasure.

I am sure they do. I know how hard it is. I also feel worthless and pahetic at times and even more so because i couldnt even get suicide riht. I tried 6 times. Then realised i must still be here for a reason. I dont know what that is but i will one day. You are also here for a reason. Perharps you dont see it yet. But i do. As long as i am here there is hope.

Remeber ou are not allone. I have been there. The hole is deeo and dark and its the hardest thing in the world to climb out of it. I can do it for you and i cant help you if you dont want help. You have to try... Not for anyone but for youself. Prove to yourself that you can. I know you can

**Posts:** 4 · by **lellic18** » Sun Apr 06, 2014 6:36 pm

Thank you so much hope. I feel guilty and ashamed now, it didn't cross my mind to consider your circumstances, it puts things into perspective and I'm grateful to you - your username is so accurate. You're right, I need to work on myself and improve. Thank you.

**Posts:** 82 · by **hope1306** » Mon Apr 07, 2014 4:12 am

Oh my dear. No need for thanks. We all have our troubles. Its the way life is.
I hope you know that you are not alone in this. I hope you find comfort in that as i do. No one can do this alone and you dont need to.

Never loose hope. As long as i am here... There is hope. We are so much stronger than the world thinks. We will get out of the hole.

Take care of yourself and do one thing that you love doing for yourself. Be selfish. Do something silly something you used to love as a child. Eat candy or play hide and seek. Draw or watch cartoons. Something kids do. I think we all forget how it was being care free and childlike. It helps me to do that. To remember... Even if you start small. Aim for one thing everyday.
If you want to tell me about it please feel free. I would love to hear... You can pm me if you want to aswell.

I hope this helps you as it has helped me. I have forgetten to do this for too long.

Take care sweety. You are not alone. xxx

**Posts:** 44 · by **ErinRodgers** » Thu Apr 17, 2014 12:19 am

hope1306 wrote:Oh my dear. No need for thanks. We all have our troubles. Its the way life is.
I hope you know that you are not alone in this. I hope you find comfort in that as i do. No one can do this alone and you dont need to.

Never loose hope. As long as i am here... There is hope. We are so much stronger than the world thinks. We will get out of the hole.

Take care of yourself and do one thing that you love doing for yourself. Be selfish. Do something silly something you used to love as a child. Eat candy or play hide and seek. Draw or watch cartoons. Something kids do. I think we all forget how it was being care free and childlike. It helps me to do that. To remember... Even if you start small. Aim for one thing everyday.
If you want to tell me about it please feel free. I would love to hear... You can pm me if you want to aswell.

I hope this helps you as it has helped me. I have forgetten to do this for too long.

Take care sweety. You are not alone. xxx

Excellent advice that you have given here. I like the be selfish part.

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