Want to be anorexic again

I can completely empathise with what you're saying. I was in an EDY 2 years ago, and now I am HUGE. Everyone else says I'm not, but they're wrong because they never see my actual body. I hate going shopping for clothes because none of them fit or look nice, and I'm constantly thinking of what my clothes used to look like when I was skinny. I keep looking at pictures of myself when I was thin, and I get so angry at myself. I want to go back there, but at the moment the more I want to not eat, the more I seem to actually eat. I'm failing school and running out of time, and I'm so depressed. Message me or something? We could help each other.

Hi skinnylove1234,
and welcome

I'm sorry you're struggling with this too.

"I was in an EDY 2 years ago, and now I am HUGE. Everyone else says I'm not, but they're wrong because they never see my actual body."

The thing is, you may be other people's 'normal' but that isn't 'your' normal, and that's what matters to you. I knew Karen very well. From her absolute lowest to absolute highest her weight almost doubled. I would be horrified if my weight doubled like that. But even at that point Karen was still a normal BMI. It wasn't her 'normal' though...

I don't know in your case, but for Karen a big part of it was being scared of being readmitted to hospital, because that last experience was very traumatic. But food had become her only way of coping with life, hence a slightly different take on using food as a comfort and a coping strategy emerged. If you read through this thread you'll know that self hate and punishment were wrapped up in it too.

"I'm failing school and running out of time, and I'm so depressed."

How is time running out?

Take care, please...
Nigel

It,s wrong way.

It's been a long time, now. But I wanted to check back in with Karen.
I'm worried! I want to know she's okay.
Nigel, you speak of her in the past tense. ??? ????

The past 15 months or so has been the most trying time of my life. In confronting horrid past abuse and trauma, I've made three earnest suicide attempts, have been hospitalized 7 times, and been in intensive therapies two to three times a week. I'm just now- just now- breaking the surface.

And I finally have my eating disorder somewhat under wraps. It wasn't until I confronted some terrifying and painful past abuse that I realized the self hatred I embodied was a belief planted in my mind at a very young age. Right now, my weight is stabile and I have an ideal BMI. Everyday is a battle with food, I backpedal sometimes, AND I'm much clearer and stronger and gentler with myself.

And I want to say this, I feel it's important:
To those who would like to help people with ED's, and feel socking someone with (what they deem is) the "truth" in a harsh/cold manner (plenty of examples on this thread); you're totally missing your mark. If what you truly want is to help (different from wanting to be "right"), you have to FIRST AND FOREMOST convince the person your "helping" that you're trustrworthy, that you mean no harm. The key word is convince. Because people with ED are dealing with trauma and already distrust **EVERYBODY**. You, since you're a member of "everybody", are already to be mistrusted and disregarded, before you even open your mouth to spill forth your gems of "truth" and advice. SO it takes a special kind of effort to convince them you're safe. NOTE: >> Jamming a concept down someone's throat and demanding they offer back an appropriate reply most assuredly won't get you there. And probably, actually, repeats the trauma pattern that's at the root of their unhealthy belief systems.

1~I'm going to do (say) this to you because it makes sense to me
2~You're going to act (respond) how I want you to
3~If you don't, I'll punish you (in this case, scorn/embarrass you publicly)

So if you truly do want to HELP, maybe take heed from someone who's newly risen from the ashes. Go back in this thread and see if you can spot the truly effective help being offered. Because that's the key to this particular kind of help: effectiveness. Not vast wisdom. Not clever concepts. If the effect is poor/negative, the words mean zip. And if you don't have at least a wisp of trust, I can guaran-damn-tee you won't have a snowball's chance in hell in the effectiveness department!

Remember who you're dealing with. People actively living in a state of trauma. Not some soccer player off his game, showing up late for practice. Not some slacker teen who got caught with booze and weed.
Follow?

I know this thread is years old, but I do hope some of the original folks are still around to chime in.

Karen ???? Anyone know anything about Karen these days?

This thread has been locked.

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