Want to be anorexic again

**Posts:** 11010 · by **briary** » Sun Nov 16, 2008 2:25 am

I want to be anorexic again. I can't stand the fact that since my last admission to an eating disorder unit I have continued to gain weight, mainly because I hate myself for the way I look now and therefore I keep bingeing and purging :cry:

My inspiration has always been Karen Carpenter and this year I've become obsessed with the media coverage about Cheryl Cole and her weight loss.

I just want to get back to how things were a year ago when I wasn't eating anything and I was losing a lot of weight. I know it isn't the said thing but I want to feel and see my bones. I hate myself now :cry:

If I eat at all it tips into bingeing so now I must be strong and resolve to starve myself. I want to lose at least 3 stone and as quickly as possible. I'm not even sure I'll be happy then. I was less than that last year.

I am so depressed because I am so fat and and I want to be small. Being fat to me is bad and being small is the only way I'll ever deserve love and care by those people who mean the world to me.

I am such a failure. I HAVE to LOSE WEIGHT.

Karen

**Posts:** 5126 · by **Triarius** » Sun Nov 16, 2008 2:38 am

you probably well know that eating less causes your body to store more.

Instead of eating less, and binging on junk, binge on fruits and veggies.

You can eat fruits and veggies to your heart's content and NOT worry about gaining weight.

1) It's low on carbs/fat

2) The carbs and fat that fruits and veggies do have is better for you than animal fats and pasta/bread

You can eat all the apples, bananas, carrots, celery (and even peanut butter) that you want without ever feeling guilty.

Plus, you'll feel a lot better in general. And if you're still concerned about your weight, then start running. Aerobic exercise is the best thing you can do for your body. Hop on a treadmill and set it to 6 mph and go as far as you can.

Anorexia and bulimia are, imo, a self-chastising cop-out. If you're serious about getting thin/being healthy, study nutrition and sports medicine.

**Posts:** 14140 · by **jurplesman** » Sun Nov 16, 2008 5:19 am

Karen read again:

Eating Disorder: Anorexia and Bulimia ----> here

Also google search for: "The Wooden Leg Argument"

**Posts:** 11010 · by **briary** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 9:34 pm

Thank you Seta.

Yes I do know that when I starve and then binge my body holds onto all the calories but when you have an eating disorder normal eating is out of control.

I wish I could binge on fruit and vegetables but it doesn't work like that either. When I do eat normal meals I eat healthily, mainly eating only fruit and vegetables but bingeing is a psychological problem that I cannot control.

seta37 wrote:Anorexia and bulimia are, imo, a self-chastising cop-out. If you're serious about getting thin/being healthy, study nutrition and sports medicine.

I don't actually care about my health and anorexia isn't about being thin or healthy. It is about being small which is completely different. I don't do it simply because I want to be thin. It goes much deeper than that. I also don't care what damage I do to myself.

Jurplesman - I have read that article and just wish there was some way I could help myself but after 5 years of suffering from this eating disorder I feel too worn out by it now to fight anymore

I do have an underactive thyroid by the way and take Thyroxine. I don't know if that is relevant after reading that article?

Karen

**Posts:** 5126 · by **Triarius** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 10:04 pm

okay, are you already in a healthy BMI?

This may be important information. If you are overweight, then of course you'll have a constant reminder that you need to loose weight.

Why do you binge? Why do you keep eating? It's not like you can eat on accident. Exercise more self control. I understand that it's a powerful urge to keep eating (for one reason or another) but in this case, I don't feel that it's necessary to understand all the root causes for that impulse (at least not yet).

DISCIPLINE is your best friend.

If you are already at a healthy weight, then the problem is quite simple (I think, at least). You have a very low self image, and you are dissatisfied with yourself. Being "thin" or "small" has simply become the object of your obsession.

Take a step back and take a fresh look at yourself.

And most importantly, accept yourself. You are you. Be damned what other people think. Do they have your best interests at heart? Do they? No.

**Posts:** 11010 · by **briary** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:18 pm

seta37 wrote:okay, are you already in a healthy BMI?

Yes apparently so for the first time in 5 years but I want to be an anorexic BMI again. To me a 'normal BMI' is as bad as being obese. I just can't stand it. I am so desperate I want stomach bypass surgery

Why do you binge? Why do you keep eating? It's not like you can eat on accident. Exercise more self control.

I don't know. I've starved myself in the past and shown very strong self control. I think it's the weight I was forced to gain at the last eating disorder unit and now I feel so bad about myself and how fat I think I am.

Karen

**Posts:** 5126 · by **Triarius** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:25 pm

hey, I like a girl who's a little soft, they're supposed to be.
I used to like the scrawny look... but models nowadays have no figure!
My friend has a BMI of between 16 and 18 naturally... she's just scrawny. I think it's cute, but the last girl I was with was a size 8 or 9... and that was just fine (she wore it in the right places).

And anyways, like I said, you can binge all you want on fruits and veggies, especially if that's all you eat. I made a veggie salad for lunch. It was nothing but carrots, celery, cucumbers, and corn. I put some balsamic vinegar and olive oil on it then drowned it ranch. My god it was good!

Do you hate yourself?

**Posts:** 11010 · by **briary** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:29 pm

seta37 wrote:Do you hate yourself?

Yes defintely since I've gained weight. I felt losing weight was the only thing I was ever good at and now I am failing at that too

I so much want to be an anorexic weight again.

Karen

**Posts:** 5126 · by **Triarius** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:41 pm

why does that make you hate yourself?

**Posts:** 457 · by **deludedintoschizoid** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:50 pm

small is "good" and big is "bad", that stuff really grinds my gears. Big is totally hot to me, just being female is totally hot to me.

**Posts:** 179 · by **MaynardJamesKeenan** » Tue Nov 18, 2008 12:38 am

Lots of girls look really good skinny.

**Posts:** 457 · by **deludedintoschizoid** » Tue Nov 18, 2008 12:43 am

I just like them female

**Posts:** 8044 · by **satanstoystore** » Tue Nov 18, 2008 5:35 am

I have always liked your feedback to the members here. I wish you didn't have this challenge

briary wrote:... being small is the only way I'll ever deserve love and care...I am such a failure...

Let me know if I got this right.

You feel like a failure.
You don't feel you deserve love.
You don't feel you deserve being cared for.
You believe being small is the only way you will change those feelings.

Did I get it right?

**Posts:** 1453 · by **PsyChris** » Tue Nov 18, 2008 7:19 am

You mention your time in an EDU. What type of things did you learn there that helped you?

Do you think it might be time to contact them again?

**Posts:** 401 · by **heatherbell** » Tue Nov 18, 2008 11:37 am

Hi Karen

No, please don't think of going down that route again. You know somewhere in yourself that you are worth far more than you think at the moment. You 've shown such kindness, compassion and strength in the advice you've given to others, now use that strength for yourself and focus on everything you've learned in the past. Do you have a contact at the EDU or an outreach/support worker you can contact?

Keep posting Karen - lots of people here to help if we can.

Take care
Heather x

Want to be anorexic again

#1

#2

#3

#4

#5

#6

#7

#8

#9

#10

#11

#12

#13

#14

Main Menu

Recent posts

Active topics

Contact Us