Question About Fees, Family and Counseling Ethics

I have been struggling with addiction/depression issues for many years, and am now in the midst of a period of sobriety and reflection on those years. I would like to discuss a relationship with a counselor and feelings about the ethics of counseling.

Mods, if what I say potentially below violates the privacy of any person, then please do what you need to do (including deleting the thread).

Ok, so here goes.... Several years ago I was strugglng with depression/addiction/dependency and had lost a good job, and was working at menial jobs, and living with my parents. My parents were concerned about my health and decided I needed counseling. The thing is, the counselor they wanted to see happened to be a member of my mother's church, and was therefore aquainted with her. Despite my internal resistance, I went to the therapy, as my mother was more or less making it a condition of me living at the house.

The first time I saw this therapist, I told him I had concerns about him being aquainted with my mother. The thing is, I don't exactly approve of my mother's church. The church is fairly mainstream, but has a conservative Republican slant that I find ethically unsavory, and frankly from my perspective any church of this type has cult-like elements. I suppose I should add that I was very prone to paranoia and delusional thinking, as befits a weed addict. In addition, while my mother is a good and generous person, we've always had trust issues.

I told the therapist that I was uncomfortable with him knowing my mother. I was also uncomfortable with his fee, which was equal to about 1.5 days work of my job at the time for one hour of therapy. He acknowledged that my concerns were legitimate, but he explained his confidentiality policy and suggesting we begin therapy. He seemed sane, rational, and compassionate, so I had no real reason not to trust him, even though secretly I was paranoid that he might be violating the doctor/patient relationship, and this kept me from genuinely opening up.

When I spoke to my father about my feeling that the price of the therapy was ridiculous, he acknowledged this, but insisted I had to do it anyway. Keep in mind he is a very frugal man and not wealthy by any means. It seemed to me that there might be some unconscious desire on his part to guilt trip me into changing, and I found this paranoia confirmed when he would often leave the bill from the shrink on the desk where I could see it. It's worth noting that my father, like me, is a fairly passive person, very reserved in his emotons (in addition to having many wonderful and admirable qualities).

A major stumbling block was I was only meeting with this therapist once a month. My commitment to change and the therapy was passive and superficial, and I missed a few appointments. Eventually after some additional trauma in my life I decided to move out of the house (at this point my substance abuse began to spiral) and I immediately discontinued the therapy (in the last session I had straight up lied to the therapist about my drug use, since I didn't trust him, and I was in a bad place in general psychologically).

But it's worth noting that for all his exorbitant fees, the therapist was not putting much effort into preparation or asking very insightful questions. I had no prior experience in therapy to compare him with, but obviously I wasn't happy with it since I discontinued therapy the first chance I got.

Fast forward a year or so, and I was basically homeless living with a friend..and out of work. Once again my mother made an appointment for me and asked me to go see this doctor. I guess at that time I could acknowledge I was sick, even if I wasn't helping myself, so I went, even though I reiterated I didn't approve of the fees this man was charging and felt the fee structure was a disincentive to him actually helping me change.

Eventually, I moved back in with the parents, in an effort to quit drugs, and this time an explicit condition was seeing this therapist. I don't know how many times I saw him. Some progress occurred at these meetings, but in general I maintained my stance that I'd rather discontinue the expensive therapy, even though I wasn't doing anything to find another therapist (being an addict and a fuck-up).

One day I noticed the bill on my father's desk and inside there was a charge for a different sort of therapy. I soon learned that my parents had gone to see him to discuss me and my future. Later, I learned that my mother was seeing this therapist. Ostensibly, this was therapy for her, but knowing my mother I strongly suspect she was fishing for information about me. In the next therapy session I brought this up and the therapist acknowledged the conflict, and assured me he had not violated my confidentiality. My mother also assures me he never violated my confidentiality. But the thing is.....the lingering paranoia remains. I mean, if the guy is genuinely religious, isn't it possible that his commitment to his religious community could trump his professional ethics? I'm not saying it's likely, but it was a fear in the back of my mind that keeps me from opening up.

It wasn't long after this that I stopped seeing him, and part of this was he no longer pushing for continuing the therapy. While he didn't direclty admit it, it was clear enough that this wasn't working and I didn't exactly trust him.

Now it's about 18 months later and when I reflect on it, I get angry. I am angry about the money (and time) wasted. While not all the money in the world, it's a very substantial sum for me.

I realize that alot of people are at fault for the therapy failiing. The main fault lies with me, for being a liar and an addict and an a**hole. My parents also deserve some blame, for trying to solve a problem with money and guilt tripping, and for my mother's lack of respect for the therapy process.

But it seems to me that the one person with the perspective to be aware of the roadblocks was the therapist himself. Yet he went ahead with this ineffective, unaccountable, and only occasional (ie once per month) talk therapy, and even billed me when I would miss the appointments. He agreed to counsel my parents and my mother without notifying me or asking how I would feel about it. Despite me telling him about my chief reservation (that he was demanding obscene amounts of money for an hour of conversation, and that I wasn't paying him, my retired father was!) he didn't take action to refer me to another counselor.

So what do you guys think? Did this therapist do anything wrong?

I guess my feeling is that the whole idea of 'talk therapy for profit' is frought with irrationality and problems, just like for-profit healthcare in general. How is the therapist supposed to overcome the unconscious desire to make money? Isn't it in the therapist's (unconscious financial) interest to prolong the therapy and prevent real healing/change from taking place?

When I look back at it, I feel that one 2 hour session I had with another counselor (to whom I was referred by my lawyer to dismiss a minor charge) was more beneficial then all of the sessions with the for-profit counselor combined.

Bottom line is my family and I had little experience with therapy. I feel angry, I feel like we were taken advantage of, but I'm not sure if these feelings are justified or not.

Thoughts are appreciated, thanks all.