New Panic Attack Sufferer

Hi, I am new to the site but I guess I belong here because I have been seeing my GP for the last couple of weeks due to panic attacks. My first panic attack was a few weeks ago when I went to bed, feeling very very normal. I was in bed for 20 minutes and I felt the sensation of not being able to breathe. I immediately sat up in bed and wondered if it was my asthma. It did not feel as though the breathing troubles were coming from my chest (as they would in an asthma attack) but more around the throat area. I immediately knew that I did not feel right. I went downstairs to my husband and told him that I did not feel right but could not explain to him exactly what is was. We phoned our doctor's surgery when things got progressively worse, tightening of throat, violent shakes, difficulty swallowing, the inability to produce saliva, hyperventilation, extreme light headidness. The doctor's surgery called us back and told my husband to phone an ambulance which he did. I was taken to the local hospital where they eventually did tests for diabetes and also placed me on a heart monitor. The Consultant eventually gave me penicilin (for acute tonsilitis) and sent me home. I honestly thought that night I was going to die. I have two beautiful children, a 10 year old girl and a 9 month old baby boy. I was scared "to death".

I took the penicilin for the week and was fine. The last tablet I took was on the Saturday and indeed I completed the course. On the Sunday night, the same thing happened again. I thought maybe the tonsilitis had come back. We again ended up at the doctor's emergency surgery (again late at night). The doctor there checked my throat and said that my tonsils were still slightly swollen and gave me antibiotics to take. A nurse I subsequently spoke to said that when you have tonsilitis (I have never suffered from it before) you have an extremely painful sore throat. I did not have any soreness on any of these occasions so they may have just been panic attacks.

Anyway since then, I completed the course of antibiotics and finished the last one on a Sunday night. Again the same thing happened on the next night. I was totally fed up and wanted to know what was happening to me so I made an appointment to see my GP. He advised that before we say that these are panic attacks, we rule everything else out first. He did lots of blood tests for glandular fever, thyroid, aneamia, diabetes and a few others. They came back clear. When speaking to the GP after receiving the blood test results, he said that we had two options, I could either go on medication or have counselling. I told him that in my opinion counselling would not help and that I was too busy for counselling. He asked me if there had been any undue stress in my life recently apart from the birth of my son, some 7 months prior. I told him that I work about 20 miles from the place where I live, my daughter (who is profoundly deaf) goes to a school outside of the area, and that I had been forced to return to work full time rather than part time because my employers insisted that I did this or leave my job and I could not possibly do that. My daughter, also had only just been returned to me after 8 years of living with her paternal nana. I had been fighting for 8 years to have her returned back to me. (I had a breakdown when she was 2 years old and asked her father and his mother to look after her whilst I got myself better). They agreed to do so but then would not give her back or allow me decent access to her. The father had moved out and left my daughter with his mother for the last 4 years but kept denying it. My daughter was extremely unhappy and asked me to do something about it which I did, I issued court proceedings in March 2004 and surprisingly her father and her nana just gave her up. It was roughly around the time when I was due to go back to work after maternity leave. Could this have triggered my panic attacks?

My GP told me that I needed to consider getting some additional support. I was not quite sure what he meant by this. I am getting all of the support that is needed. My mother and my husband have been my rock since these started. The GP said to go away and think about what I wanted to do but that my lifestyle would have to change. I leave for work in the mornings and drop my baby off at nursery, then I drive my daughter to her school and then drive some more to work, I complete a whole day's work and then drive home and start work again in the house ie, baths, teatime, homework etc. It is only when I sit down (after doing all of my jobs at night) that my panic kicks in. I dont know why I am having them. The GP thinks that I need to change my lifestyle (I cannot give up my kids and I cannot give up my job) - what does he mean by this?.

I subsequently returned to the GP the following week and was waiting in the waiting room (after having another attack the night before) and I had another one in the waiting room. I was taken to the treatment room where a nurse sat with me. I told the GP that I felt suicidal (and I did) he said that he could either give me medication or send me straight to the hospital. I told him that I did feel that I belonged on a psychiatric unit, I was not crazy. He subsequently gave me diazapam 2mg to take 3 times a day for one week. He said that the tablets were highly addictive and did not want me on them for more than 1 week. He signed me on the sick for 2 weeks (I have never been on the sick in my life) and my husband had to take a week off work to look after me so that I could try and relax. When I came off the diazepam, I was ok for a couple of days and then bought some Kalms from Boots. These did not work and last Thursday night ended up again at the out of hours doctors surgery for more diazepam. Again 2mg, 1 tablet 3 times a day. I went back to the GP on Friday morning who said that I should take the tablets over this weekend but then no more. I wants to see me again on Monday or Tuesday of next week. I asked him what the next step would be if things did not improve (he has given me another sick note for another 2 weeks). He said that we really need to start getting things back to normal. I again asked him what other options are available. He said that we are going to take things one step at a time. I do feel that he does not really have enough knowledge to know what he is talking about. Should I request to be referred to someone who specialises in panic/anxiety disorder when I go back next week.

Does anyone know of any therapists in my area, Manchester, who I could go to see privately. I am suicidal maybe 2 or 3 times a day whilst experiencing these attacks. My husband is angry because he cannot do anything to help me and I have two beautiful children. I do not understand what is happening and I just want it to stop. I am considering seeing a hynotherapist and have ordered the audio program from Mark Tyrell - I am willing to try anything. Please help!

Cheers

Danniella