Do I need a different relationship therapist?

**Posts:** 10 · by **MarlaSinger** » Tue Feb 26, 2013 6:00 pm

My significant other and I have been going to couples therapy for about 2 months.
We're going to a cheaper family center that tends to hire practitioners straight out of school. Our therapist does have a masters, but seems very green.

There are several issues. I'll mention the most pressing and concerning first.
Our past session was after a huge fight between me and my significant other. Once in therapy, the arguing continued to the point that we were screaming at the top of lungs, talking over eachother, hurling insults, etc the whole session. Our therapist just let this go on. She didn't coach us on how to speak affectivly or anything. I really feel worse than I felt prior to our session. I thought therapy was supposed to be a safe place?
Is this normal? Is she doing this to observe us or what?

Another thing that happened is, I asked her point blank how to properly react when my significance other does something that upsets me, instead of blowing up like I have been. She never answered my question.

Also, my significant other is not really doing our "homework", but I am. She has never addressed this either. I feel like I'm the only one doing the work (lliterally).

She also conducts sessions even when my significant other is stone drunk.

This doesn't seem productive. Am I being impatient or should we move on?
This past session really just was too much and there was no resolution or ending on a good note. She just said "give eachother space this week" and said she wanted to start seeing us individually for awhile.

My relationship is on it's last leg. I don't even know that we'll still be together by our next session, after how unproductive and truly destructive this one was. It certainly doesn't feel like this is what therapy should feel like??

**Posts:** 31 · by **nattykr** » Thu Feb 28, 2013 12:56 pm

MarlaSinger wrote:My significant other and I have been going to couples therapy for about 2 months.
We're going to a cheaper family center that tends to hire practitioners straight out of school. Our therapist does have a masters, but seems very green.

There are several issues. I'll mention the most pressing and concerning first.
Our past session was after a huge fight between me and my significant other. Once in therapy, the arguing continued to the point that we were screaming at the top of lungs, talking over eachother, hurling insults, etc the whole session. Our therapist just let this go on. She didn't coach us on how to speak affectivly or anything. I really feel worse than I felt prior to our session. I thought therapy was supposed to be a safe place?
Is this normal? Is she doing this to observe us or what?

Another thing that happened is, I asked her point blank how to properly react when my significance other does something that upsets me, instead of blowing up like I have been. She never answered my question.

Also, my significant other is not really doing our "homework", but I am. She has never addressed this either. I feel like I'm the only one doing the work (lliterally).

She also conducts sessions even when my significant other is stone drunk.

This doesn't seem productive. Am I being impatient or should we move on?
This past session really just was too much and there was no resolution or ending on a good note. She just said "give eachother space this week" and said she wanted to start seeing us individually for awhile.

My relationship is on it's last leg. I don't even know that we'll still be together by our next session, after how unproductive and truly destructive this one was. It certainly doesn't feel like this is what therapy should feel like??

This does sound unprofessional. Have you had a chat with her about your issues one to one? does she have a supervisor? if she's new, she most definitely should have one.

Speak to the supervisor about this and they should suggest a course of action. Nothing stopping you finding someone else of course!

she shouldn't be seeing you if your partner is drunk or letting you shout and scream unless it is a controlled setting.
x

**Posts:** 10 · by **MarlaSinger** » Fri Mar 01, 2013 12:52 pm

nattykr:

Thank you!

Is this a professional opinion? The reason I'm wondering, is because I have heard a wide-range of opinions on this matter and I'm not sure which ones are and aren't valid.

**Posts:** 31 · by **nattykr** » Thu Mar 07, 2013 2:23 pm

when you started the counselling you should of signed some kind of agreement which states practises. Please speak to her boss if she has one.

Also, trust your gut if they seem inappropriate then they most likely are.

You could also talk to a counselling body or association for advice I am sure theres lots of information out there.e you are in control remember?

**Posts:** 61 · by **Ellen Steve** » Sat Mar 16, 2013 5:17 am

Hey…definitely speak to a supervisor. You do need a professional opinion about this. If the supervisor affirms that it is part of therapy go along for a while and see. When you see her individually try talking to her about these issues and see what she says. However, if it’s getting really bad, you must move on and find someone better. Even if this one is cheap she’s wasting your money and your time and just making things worse! Talk about this to your partner when he/she is sober and discuss together the next course of action. I mean, if you’re going to therapy you really want to work things out. if this is not helping you find another therapist as soon as you can.

**Posts:** 10 · by **MarlaSinger** » Sat Mar 16, 2013 7:17 am

Thanks for all the feedback, everyone.

Refreshingly, now that I'm going to 1 on 1 (she is doing 3, 1 on 1 before seeing us as a couple again) things seem much better. Her method makes sense to me now and I do see the direction she's trying to go with this.
My partner (who has been sober for a few(?) weeks now) agrees that the yelling/chaos in therapy is not going to work and it's something we will take up with her if need be in the future.

Luckily, I feel confident that things are moving right along now and that the issue was kind of a fluke.

Thanks!

Do I need a different relationship therapist?

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