I'm confused about whether I'm overreacting.

Postby MediumBen » Tue Jul 22, 2014 2:43 pm

I am starting to understand that I might have anger issues. I've recently been under a lot of stress for a prolonged time and find myself constantly a little bit more liable to get angry all the time.

Today, I boarded a bus and the driver immediately started telling me that I had been standing in the wrong place. When I explained I wasn't (it was a temporary stop, he had made a mistake) he said I hadn't indicated to him in time that I wanted to get on the bus. He was clearly annoyed. I asked for his name as I wanted to complain as he was being rude. He refused it. We argued a bit back and forwards, then I sat down and he moved off. At a set of traffic lights he accused me of complaining to make myself feel better. I said 'why are you doing this?' And he said , quite bitterly, that he was sick of his job and the heat.

When I got off the bus I went to look for a representative of the company, no one was there. It was then I had the bright idea of photographing the front of the bus. Now, this seemed to be a double win for me. 1. I would get the registration number of the bus, the number and the driver in one shot. 2. He would see me doing it. It's this second one that worries me. I'm being vindictive, I want him to get wound up. I'm trying to score points off him and somehow 'win' the situation.

He got off the bus, told me that the photo breached data protection (I'm pretty clear that this is not the case) and asked for it. I refused. He became increasingly physically intimidating, although made no verbal threats and in the end security came. After chatting to them I calmed down, deleted the photos out of courtesy to the security guy, who was very reasonable, and went.

But now, should I complain? Or did I make an awkward situation worse by taking the photo? Should I have just walked away? Am I making a man's clearly difficult life worse by complaining? Or am I acting appropriately? I simply don't know. I can't tell if this is a situation I've created by not simply walking away right at the outset.

It's this cycle of anger and regret that's confusing me. I have OCD which I know kicks in after these events, but I'm genuinely concerned about whether it's me that's simply created a bad situation, or if I've been the victim of someone else's bad behaviour, or if it's just two angry people butting up against each other. This isn't the first angry confrontation I've had this week. And I feel that I'm just walking round close to the edge. It's like I'm not responding appropriately to provocation, but looking for excuses to vent my rage.

Does that sound right? What can I do?
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#1

Postby honeydew » Wed Jul 23, 2014 1:07 pm

well..

maybe this bus driver is a crappy person... that I agree...but I would also think about the consequences of your action. Technically, you can complain and I think it would become a case that has some bearing (in other words, they will not dismiss you as being ridiculous or crazy) . At the same time, it won't be extremely simple.. you probably have to go through several steps of filing complaints, then having the people contact you for more info and follow up... and all that time and effort is going to create what? Is this going to save the world? Is this going to make our society a better place? Is your neighborhood going to become a safer place for our children?

No, in fact, this will result in some man with a so-so salary with some negative remark on his records. Maybe he will lose his job. Then what? He will struggle for the rest of his life because his future employers will see his smeared record and will be reluctant to trust him.

Maybe the guy had a bad day, or maybe the guy is just naturally a crappy person.. you reporting him will not "fix" him or "make him better." It will only ruin him.

Now, no one says that you have to compassionate about every random person you encounter in life, but I think you have to think critically about if your energy and effort will bring positive results, neutral results, or negative results. If the end game is negative, there's no real reason why you should put in the effort... that is .. unless you are naturally that vengeful person who just wants to screw other peoples lives.

I think the scare you gave him with the photo, etc, probably taught him his lesson. If his behavior was potentially threatening (that is, he seemed like he could murder someone) then yes there's a need to report him and eliminate him from causing future harm. But as far as I'm concerned, he was simply rude to you, and you did not let go, and it escalated to him acting a bit more assertive/defensively which may have scared you a little. Had you been able to deflect him as just some weird grumpy bus driver at the onset of the conflict, I don't think it would have escalated into a situation where a security was called. He's not perfect, but he was just protecting his own donkey/his job.
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#2

Postby Alexander Ang » Thu Jul 24, 2014 5:49 am

Hi There,

Thanks for your sharing,

Sometimes we need to realize that everyone of us have a "mine zone" to trigger the negative emotion.
I believe everyone have their own "mine zone" based on past hurtful experience, influence and incident.

Now, the question is "How many Mine Zone" do you have?
If we are not able to handle our negative emotion and easily get intimidating, frustrated or even angry, that is because we have too many "mines" & "rules" in our own life. :idea:

Why some people seems to be have good patient, happy go lucky, does not get frustrated easily? That is because they have a very little mines that sometimes wouldn't even explode in their living world. :idea:

There's a great saying says that " you might win the battle, but you lose the war". :idea:

What benefit would you get at the end if you win the situation over this "bus driver" incident? I believe there are better direction to overcome this situation. :)

Cheers!
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#3

Postby PhilShackleford » Thu Jul 31, 2014 6:54 pm

Welcome to the forum, I'm glad you have now have joined to forum to get support.
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