I am starting to understand that I might have anger issues. I've recently been under a lot of stress for a prolonged time and find myself constantly a little bit more liable to get angry all the time.
Today, I boarded a bus and the driver immediately started telling me that I had been standing in the wrong place. When I explained I wasn't (it was a temporary stop, he had made a mistake) he said I hadn't indicated to him in time that I wanted to get on the bus. He was clearly annoyed. I asked for his name as I wanted to complain as he was being rude. He refused it. We argued a bit back and forwards, then I sat down and he moved off. At a set of traffic lights he accused me of complaining to make myself feel better. I said 'why are you doing this?' And he said , quite bitterly, that he was sick of his job and the heat.
When I got off the bus I went to look for a representative of the company, no one was there. It was then I had the bright idea of photographing the front of the bus. Now, this seemed to be a double win for me. 1. I would get the registration number of the bus, the number and the driver in one shot. 2. He would see me doing it. It's this second one that worries me. I'm being vindictive, I want him to get wound up. I'm trying to score points off him and somehow 'win' the situation.
He got off the bus, told me that the photo breached data protection (I'm pretty clear that this is not the case) and asked for it. I refused. He became increasingly physically intimidating, although made no verbal threats and in the end security came. After chatting to them I calmed down, deleted the photos out of courtesy to the security guy, who was very reasonable, and went.
But now, should I complain? Or did I make an awkward situation worse by taking the photo? Should I have just walked away? Am I making a man's clearly difficult life worse by complaining? Or am I acting appropriately? I simply don't know. I can't tell if this is a situation I've created by not simply walking away right at the outset.
It's this cycle of anger and regret that's confusing me. I have OCD which I know kicks in after these events, but I'm genuinely concerned about whether it's me that's simply created a bad situation, or if I've been the victim of someone else's bad behaviour, or if it's just two angry people butting up against each other. This isn't the first angry confrontation I've had this week. And I feel that I'm just walking round close to the edge. It's like I'm not responding appropriately to provocation, but looking for excuses to vent my rage.
Does that sound right? What can I do?