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I moved in to my parents apartment due to covid from the dormitories and my parents have so many cats around 7, i got along with them very well.
Another cat joined the group and we have 8 now, this is black baby cat and it grew over time a bit, now a couple months old. But i think i have psychological problems and i just sometimes got so furious with her, wanted to hit her and never did. This ONLY happened to this specific cat. I also had some animal abuse problems 3-4 years ago maybe again for specifically 1 cat but then she lived with me and i never did that again, she now even sleeps with me. Now the same thing is happening to this cat. I get so furious sometimes and today i couldnt stop her and i beat her, not too bad but a bit bad. With other cats i never get this feeling i dont know what is wrong with me. Like I am NOT a person to go on the streets and hurt animals ever since i was a kid i always loved them, always fed them. Even when i was a kid i owned animals and I ALWAYS loved them.
Could it be due to my a bit trauma back in the day? I am very healthy now but this feeling comes to me once a while and it is weird it is specifically to one animal. What do you guys think ? I just had to put this out here, i will delete this thread soon. I am a young male early 20s
I have a few scratches on my hand I tried to strangle her, she was with us for months but it just happened.
Edit: I also didn't eat this morning(this causes a lot of trouble), a lot of factors mixed up that i yet to realize. Im going to make sure to keep her stuck with me in my room and pet her very well for a bit