Why are some people so volatile?

hi Megan
I couldn't help noticing that you've had no replies to this post yet.

I'd like to preface EVERYTHING I say here by these words "In my experience..." so please bear that in mind in case anyone thinks I'm claiming any exclusive right to the truth!

Until last year, I was a lecturer at Universities in UK and noticed, over 10 years, an increase in the display and depth of anger in the youngsters I taught. In my experience in that field and in 'day to day' life what was shocking was that the increase in anger levels seemed greater in females than males.

I know parents don't like to face this, but in every Uni I've taught in, a VAST MAJORITY of people either smoke dope and/or drink large amounts of alcohol - usually both (and more). For better or for worse, I was the kind of lecturer students felt they could be very open with. Many, many of them talked to me about their relationship with substances. It might surprise people to know the vast majority of the students are all-too aware of the seriousness of their problems with these substances. At 19 and 20, many of them feel they are already addicted beyond hope.

There were many things I learned from those conversations. First of all, I learned that in the average Uni (I've no reason to suspect that mine weren't average unis) dope was the drug of choice for the boys and alcohol was the drug of choice for the girls. For the guys, leisure time involved mostly getting 'wasted and chilling out' in non-aggressive activities together. For the girls it was far more likely to be going out into town and the pubs and clubs.

And you know what? Most of the students I knew with that anger shared something in common. They had been brought up with deep self-loathing, had been abandoned by the parents - not physically, but in terms of boundaries and discipline. These were spoiled kids in many respects - and the more spoiled, the more angry and the more self-destructive they were. And do you know something else they all shared? A sense of utter powerlessness. A deep programmed belief that nothing they did mattered. That nothing they did could make a difference in the cynical world of global markets and modern corrupt politics. If we want to know why young people have so much anger, that abandonment and powerlessness - deepening with every generation - is a good place for us to start looking.

I think the question you ask Megan is the most important we're facing at the moment. And it has a massive connection to a culture in which the norm is the alteration of emotions by substances. The role of drink, drugs and cigarettes in the increasing emotional illiteracy of modern ('normal') parenting is huge.

And you know what? Most of the students I knew with that anger shared something in common. They had been brought up with deep self-loathing, had been abandoned by the parents - not physically, but in terms of boundaries and discipline. These were spoiled kids in many respects - and the more spoiled, the more angry and the more self-destructive they were. And do you know something else they all shared? A sense of utter powerlessness. A deep programmed belief that nothing they did mattered. That nothing they did could make a difference in the cynical world of global markets and modern corrupt politics. If we want to know why young people have so much anger, that abandonment and powerlessness - deepening with every generation - is a good place for us to start looking.

Megan,
I'm very similar to your neice in the respect that i have always been likened to a volcano by my family. I have a very short temper, and it only takes something small for me to get angry and lose it. And it takes even smaller things for me to get annoyed, such as tv adverts. I've always put it down to just having a short fuse. However, the things that timetogetunstuck has said all apply to me; my parents weren't big on discipline, i didn't have any clear boundaries, i'm fairly spoilt compared to many other people my age, and growing up i was very angry with myself for some reason. The only differing factor is that i'm not a big user of drugs or alcohol.

If you want my opinion on why your neice gets angry with her family, from someone who does exactly the same thing, i would say its because shes transferring the frustration and anger from other aspects of her life where perhaps she can't express it, onto a source that she can use to vent it, which is her family. If you get angry easily, you can't very often express it in an acceptable way at work, or with friends, so you'd go through a day of consciously or unconsciusly building up anger or irritation, and then at the end of the day, when the oppertunity comes and you can actually get angry, it all comes out at once. Negative energy and thoughts don't jsut disappear, they have to be outed in some way or other, and if you don't have the oppertunity to let go of these thoughts or emotions, they just continue to build up and up, until something triggers you to lose your temper. I think of it as having an anger quota; you can only take so much until you get full and snap. This i just my opinion however, and its pretty subjective at that.

pink86[/quote]