How to say goodbye to therapist, when feeling let down?

**Posts:** 3 · by **Green Fern** » Tue Jul 03, 2012 8:49 am

I have been seeing a counsellor for a couple of years.

Its been good, though I think we have similar interests but somewhat different personalities, and I realise some different approaches to life.

Anyway, most recently we have fallen out in a way, over her saying a couple of very unhelpful things, basically. We did discuss this and she admitted that she had got things wrong. However, since there were more than one, I think she no longer "gets" me, or at least there is a very important part of me that she does not "get". So I have decided to end therapy.

We will have a last session to close matters and say goodbye. However, I do not want to analyse how its been good or bad - perhaps because I feel she let me down at the end, its not exactly ending on a high note and in this non-positive state I don't really have anything further to say to her? Has anyone had any experience of this, or any suggestions? I suppose I should just go and see how it unfolds?

**Posts:** 9885 · by **Candid** » Tue Jul 03, 2012 11:35 am

I don't really have anything further to say to her

Then why a special 'goodbye' session? You're paying for it so it's your call.

she admitted that she had got things wrong. However, since there were more than one, I think she no longer "gets" me, or at least there is a very important part of me that she does not "get".

A lot of ground is covered in two years of therapy, so it seems peculiar to end it over her getting a few things wrong. It sounds as though she "got" you originally, or you would have discontinued work with her a long time ago. The fact that you are now angry with her for not "getting" you suggests something major must have changed.

A mismatch between client and therapist is usually apparent in the first session, at least to the therapist. It seems extraordinary to be seeking advice on a final session, and your thread title mentions feeling let down.

Personally I've never heard of a client deciding to end the therapeutic relationship and then booking another session to say goodbye. Are you looking for an apology? Do you want to register a complaint?

**Posts:** 3 · by **Green Fern** » Tue Jul 03, 2012 1:13 pm

I don't really agree with you, since connections and relationships can break down later in therapy. Am not looking for an apology from my therapist (she has already said sorry anyway), and certainly not a complaint. My question to others who have some understanding of this perhaps - is just about how you say goodbye when you've had an OK couple of years (I did not see her every week, probably about 30 or so sessions altogether), but your therapist makes some serious (in my mind mistakes), and the relationship needs to come to an end. You want to say goodbye, but you are not exactly leaving on a high because of the problems at the end ...

No worries, if people have nothing to add.

**Posts:** 2122 · by **Herbie306** » Tue Jul 03, 2012 9:28 pm

Hi,

I had a similar issue with my first main counsellor; she'd helped in the sense that she let me talk, but, among other issues, I felt as though she wasn't really 'getting' / understanding me. Although I saw her for about 18months, nothing improved, though things came to a head when she was moving to another city and requested that I travel to continue seeing her. Needless to say, I refused.

We did have a last session - personally I think endings are needed to, if nothing else, draw a line at the end of the chapter so I decided to thank her for being there despite everything else.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you well.

**Posts:** 3 · by **Green Fern** » Tue Jul 03, 2012 9:42 pm

Thank you.

How to say goodbye to therapist, when feeling let down?

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