Hi guys, I was wondering if anyone has ever experienced anything like this. Sorry, it’ll be a long post!!
I am 20 and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years. I can't tell you how wonderful he is. He is kind, smart, funny, and comes from an amazing family that I love so much. Our love has always been stable and strong; he is my rock and my very best friend in life. We have the same goals and values, and I know that I want to have a family and future with him. We don't have giant arguments - we are really good at communicating and working out any problems we might have had. I've never once questioned us.
Until about month ago, when I literally woke up and felt nothing. This is the scariest feeling in the world. I went from absolutely ADORING him, to feeling nothing. I pace around my house obsessively, thinking about every little thing about us. I feel pangs of guilt anytime that he does anything sweet because he loves me SO much and I feel like suddenly, I can't reciprocate that. I've struggled with the question, "Am I still in love with him?" and it has broken my heart to even ask myself that. I feel so guilty, like I am keeping a secret from him and he's living in this blissful ignorance. I don't want to leave him, and I don't ever think about what it would be like to be with anyone else. It makes me anxious to be around him because I'm constantly overanalyzing everything to see if I feel the same way, and to not be around him because I just keep overthinking.
I’ve talked to him about this, and he’s very understanding and is supporting me through all of this. He knows I’m not in a right state now, so he’s sticking by me while I sort this out.
I’ve started taking Lexapro 10 mg, for about a week now. I also see a therapist weekly, who diagnosed me with GAD and depression. But lately, I’ve started to get irritated with my boyfriend. Everything is negative. Things he used to do that would make me laugh, don’t. There are times that even his voice irritates me. I don’t really like to be around other people, but when I’m around my family they don’t irritate me, so I think “then it MUST be him! break up!” which fuels anxiety. I’ve been very emotionless lately, so that doesn’t help in rationalizing these thoughts. The lack of emotions coupled with these thoughts lately have been taking such a toll on me.
Basically, has anyone ever dealt with anything like this concerning relationship anxiety? The last thing I want to do is lose my wonderful relationship because of this anxiety.