What is wrong with me

So i have been in love with a girl for almost a year now and now its over due to my actions. She doesnt even want to be friends. I started seeing her about a year ago and was still dating a girl. I fell in love with her. We clicked. Life was good for the exception of me being a bastard to my ex. I then went out one night with friends and met another girl. Long story short. We ended up kissing a few times and i hid it from both girls. Then the girl i currently love found the text to girl i had kissed a few times. I did break up with my ex prior to all this coming out. I was with my ex for almost eight years btw. Anyways we are now traveling together and i still continue to talk with my ex. We are about to leave across country and start another three months together. She still loves me but obviously has no trust for me and the my loyality card is out the window. Shedoesnt even want to be friends at this point. Why do i talk with my ex im trying to underatand this. I feel guilty to what i did to her. I absouletly loved her family and i know they now despise me. Feels like a lot of ppl do to be honest. I have done a lot to disrespect the girl im currently with we were so close when all this first happened. I do t know what to do to fix all this. I feel like a horrible person. Like tonight she was very upset with me and what did i do. Yup text my ex. She confronted me and i blatantly lied. She said if i look in your phone would that be a different story. I said yes bit i lied. I have deleted texts to her and just dont know why i do all this. I feel like a piece of sh** for sure. Ive lost ppl i really do care about in my life and its all because of my actions. I feel super lonely when i have no one that wants me. I def text other girls to fill the void. I feel like i really do need to live life alone for a while so i can get my head straight Any advice to this guy