Garethpaul wrote:My names Gareth I'm 33 and you would think I would be able to keep my family happy and safe. I'm just starting back on anger management course an also counciling. I've recently lost my partner an both my daughters due to the fact I can't control who I became I've never hit a woman in my life I still haven't but that night I left the family home both my daughters thought I was gonna hit there mum I wasn't but they didn't know that at the time.
That was the part where everything in side me was destroyed having your eldest stand in front of you crying an breaking her heart because my mouth acted before my head shouting an screaming at there mum the stuff I said was horrible an unforgiving.
Hi Gareth,
Yes, often we are a bit over-stressed by Work and Family Responsibilities, and don’t get enough sleep, and it kind of frazzles the Nerves. But this should only create a bit of irritability unless Adrenaline is thrown into the mix. The episode you described was Anger propelled by an Adrenaline Rush. Yes, even when an Adrenaline Fueled Anger Episode doesn’t get explicitly Violent, all the Intensity of it give those involved, or those who are bystanders, the sense that Violence could well be immanent – it really DOES scare people!
Most New Angry People think that Adrenaline is ‘Instant On’. Their Impression is that they go from being In Control of themselves to being ‘Flick of a Switch’ Out Of Control. However, it really Does take a Few Seconds for an Adrenaline Rush to Ramp Up. If you Catch the Adrenaline Rush just as it is starting, you can shut it down. You see, the First Sign of an Adrenaline Rush is a tightening of the Jaw Muscles – a Clenching of the Teeth, probably because the Jaws are closest to the Brain or the Arterial Blood Supply from the Adrenal Glands. But if THE VERY INSTANT your Jaws Tighten you have the presence of mind to simply RELAX your jaws, it sends a kind of a Signal to your Adrenal System that whatever Triggered the Adrenaline Rush was a False Alarm, and the Adrenaline stops before enough of it to Drive You Crazy is circulating.
If you want to Practice on Knowing what the First Sign of an Adrenaline Rush is, well, this Exercise had worked for me – You take a pin or needle and you GO to jab yourself in the hand! Most of the Time just getting Ready to Stab Yourself with a Needle is ENOUGH to show you what the First Stage of an Adrenaline Rush is. And when you Notice It – your Jaws Clenching, or Whatever Happens, simply Relax that Response and you can see that the Adrenaline subsides.
Of course, even if you DO THIS and it Works, you would Still have a Big Problem with your little Family. You have seriously frightened them, and that will take some Serious ‘Living Down’, as they say. Perhaps you can make it easier for them on a temporary basis if you can afford to Stay Somewhere Else for a while. Talk it over with your wife. You could tell her that you are going to look at various Anger Management Options, but in any case you will need a little while to get Your New Act Together. Tell her and the Kids that you are open to Invitations – you could have Dinner with the Family once in a while (stay no longer than an hour… it is Crucial that you be on your Best Behavior the Whole Time, and so you don’t want to push yourself past your, or their, endurance).
Yes, you might have an easy time of learning to deal with your Adrenaline, but after that, well, even Irritability is annoying and hard on relationships, and so you should pursue Anger Management simply to minimize your baseline irritability. I could recommend books. If you were good in school or have an advanced Education then Books is probably all that you would need, though if you have a good Health Plan (which is less and less likely as we all head into our Brave New World) you would probably enjoy going to Therapy.
Anyway, Let me know if any of this helps.