How not to care anymore at all? Help

I agree with you Bert_nie.
But it's fine to dress whoever I want to? There are not right or wrong ways of dressing? I mean I go to high end boutiques stores. Not everyone say I'm a slut, only those who appear as low confident or jealous I noticed because they put their focus on me. The ones who appear as well off in life, happy and confident they compliment me and don't give me negative looks I noticed and my husband noticed too. When I wear clothes they are colorful, classy, but with a touch of sexy so it's either revealing cleavage or my whole back. I never dress vulgar. Just sexy classy a bit like the actress I admire Elizabeth Hurley..her style of colorful sexy dresses on google images. I show cleavage, but with expensive and classy clothes. I like dressing that way and yes I like showing off my curves because I know that I am young now and want to show the best of me physically. I know I have to work on my focus on other people because I know it's bad to focus my energy on what others think of me or how others see me. I used to barely take showers before when I was in depression. I was getting up with sticky eyes, sweaty hair and body and put on random clothes because I ddin't care enough to focus on that. However I noticed that it's not a good sign when someone doesn't wash or groom or take care of themselves at all. So I improved by grooming and dressing well. I need to continue doing that minus caring about what others think of me. I was just always afraid to have the incorrect way or dressing when everybody has their own ways of dressing and no matter how I dress, whether I hide body parts or not ; there will always be people to judge so it's up to me to stop focusing on others. I can try to walk in a confident way and close my eyes( metaphorically) to everyone to not notice the negative energy they are trying to put on me.

lol run around naked for all i care. how you dress doesn't matter to me.

my point is, it's kind of difficult to both be wanting people's attention, wanting to be noticed/admired/liked & at the same time not care what people think.

it's maybe impossible. it's like asking "how can i have all the people think i'm pretty" & at the same time "how can i not care what people think about me?". you have to not care if people think you're pretty in order to not care what people think about you.

your friend still cares what people think. what he's doing is shutting everyone out of his mind so as if to imitate how he feels when he's at home alone. so as long as he isolates himself & doesn't interact with anyone it's ok. but as soon as those walls come down his little hack won't work any more. it's more sticking your head in the sand than a real solution.

with regards to looking after yourself, yeah i suppose that's important. but there are health & hygiene reasons to do that beyond fashion, looking pretty or whatever.

do what you want. dress how you want. i'm just saying that you may be kind of pulling in 2 opposing directions within yourself & going nowhere.

bert_ernie wrote: if there was noone to look at us & judges us or admire us. say if the whole world was blind, we would all be running around naked probably. or at least wearing stuff based on function rather than fashion.

What a lovely, liberating idea! Thank you, bert_ernie, for inspiring such a happy vision.

QueenBeauty? wrote: I know I have to work on my focus on other people because I know it's bad to focus my energy on what others think of me or how others see me.

Exactly. This is the whole sum of your many threads here, including the recent one about your aversion to church. When you free yourself from the idea that other people are judging you, whether it's your clothes or your non-attendance in church, you'll be able to make decisions that suit your lifestyle and not give a fig about what anyone thinks or says.

I improved by grooming and dressing well. I need to continue doing that minus caring about what others think of me.

When you stop caring what others think of you, you won't have to obsess over your clothes, hair and make-up. That stuff really doesn't matter to anyone other than actors, models and the people who sell the products... so if you aren't in those industries, you're paying them too much and suffering as a result.

it's up to me to stop focusing on others.

Yes. You can be self-directed or other-directed, and only the former will give the satisfaction of personal power. When celebrities are other-directed they might have a few years of riding high, but they lose themselves in the process. These are the ones who commit suicide as soon as the applause stops.

I can try to walk in a confident way...

Any notion of 'trying' makes you a fake. You need a reality check: not all eyes are focused on you. To put it baldly, no one cares how you look. Ideally you dress to please yourself first, your husband second, and the rest of the world nowhere.

... and close my eyes( metaphorically) to everyone to not notice the negative energy they are trying to put on me.

This really is narcissism. For whatever reason (which I'm hoping to get at) you believe you're extraordinarily beautiful, that physical beauty is important and therefore that other women all wish they looked as good as you do. I know you're allergic to feminism, because for the time being you're riding high on male admiration. You yourself know that won't last and the men will stop pandering to you, and I believe you have the wisdom to know that pissing all other women off will leave you high and dry one day.

Feminism warns you: yes, men are biologically primed to choose their mates on physical grounds -- and once your child-bearing years are over they'll move on to the symmetry and freshness of younger women. At that point, your personality will determine the number and quality of your relationships with both genders.

By courting male attention and despising women, you set yourself up for misery when the men jump ship and the women think of you as a narcissistic cow.

Based on your posts I have little expectation that you will consider this a warning and not just lump me in with all the other jealous bitches putting "negative energy" on you. I don't know what you look like, I don't care what choices you make, but I believe there is a major underlying problem when a strong and intelligent woman is so hung up on how she looks, whether it's choice of clothes or appearance in church. Others' opinions don't matter. But you need to have a strong identity to know that and experience the benefits.

I understand candid and you are right. After reading your comment I thought for a long time. I agree with you and what you said about being too focused on what other people think of me, but I must say something about the narcissism. Yes, I become narcissistic. I admit it. I don't hide it here. I know very well that a narcissistic personality is poison and is a vicious circle. The story behind this is my past ; In high school at the age of 12 ; I was very tomboy. I was a real child at heart , happy and playing with boys all the time because I wanted to be a boy. I had tomboy female friends like me. Other girls who we're feminine and superficial started mocking me and insulting me on my looks and personality. They we're saying that I am an ugly tranny, I should put a bag on my head. I am not normal, I look and smell like a pig. They were laughing and making me eat outside in the cold because I they said I didn't belong with normal girls.

Throughout my life I became bitter about women because in jobs...women who we're more on the feminine side hated me being friends with men (even if I wasn't flirting) I always considered myself part of the men, not a flirt. I lost many jobs because female managers did not like me because I was not friendly with women when it's THEM who where not friendly with me, but I couldn't discuss this because the majority won. So again more stories with women excluding me. I grew bitter and when I finally started dressing up feminine, grooming myself and trying to fit in with other women...it went even worst ; women didn't want me to come to their wedding and called me a home-wrecker when I never EVER flirted with another man beside my husband. I told my mom and grandma this and they said that women are jealous because it's easier for me to attract men without even trying while they have to do extras. I have 3 real female friends who told me that the guys they we're going out with wanted to sleep with me and instead of taking it out on me, they dumped their bad behaved boyfriends. I know I am a beautiful woman, but I am also hurt inside and grew bitter of women because of my long history with women in general. I learned to compliment myself a lot in my head and in the mirror. I get a lot of compliment and looks from men, married men and boyfriends. I am never flirting, I never show up to a guy and flirt, but most women think I am a home wrecker...look at me and don't like me. Then I learned from a source that these women said behind my back that I would make them looks bad in pictures. Not all women, just the low confident ones. Please don't say I am exaggerating or lying because it's the truth. I have more male friends that compliment me and like me for being one of the guys. I have male gay friends and 3 female friends. I notice that many women who went through the same stories as I did told me that the less female friends I'll have, the less trouble I will have. Women can be backstabbing hypocrite bitches. My job for my own sake is to continue being myself, being happy in my own skin, but to stop giving a fig about what other women think about me or say about me, just to live my life and say : well if some people don't like me, I don't care, I need to focus on positive people and the ones who do love me''. It's not fair that I get uninvited by a certain click of women because (from what friends who know the bride heard her or other women say) they think I will make them look bad or will give fantasies to their husbands, but the fact I have to pay the price for it is stupid and unfair! I noticed that these women who assume things about me just like the ones in the past in high schools always had and have the most friends). How would you deal? Maybe I should just continue smiling and not care at all of anyone who doesn't approach me or care for me. I should help causes and work for my happiness with my husband and the ones who really do love me.

I remember a guy who came to me one night and told me that his wife doesn't want him to hang out or talk to me anymore so I told him to listen to his wife and do what makes him and her comfortable. It was a very sad day for me.

Candid wrote:
Based on your posts I have little expectation that you will consider this a warning and not just lump me in with all the other jealous bitches putting "negative energy" on you. I don't know what you look like, I don't care what choices you make, but I believe there is a major underlying problem when a strong and intelligent woman is so hung up on how she looks, whether it's choice of clothes or appearance in church. Others' opinions don't matter. But you need to have a strong identity to know that and experience the benefits.

just curious. how do you know she is a strong and intelligent woman?

The only thing I hear from this thread is that You are complaining and judging woman because they aren't like you. Just because I don't agree with your lifestyle, does not mean that I don't have a meaningful life or relationship with my spouse. We don't need to do what you and your spouse do, we don't need to dress like you, and we don't need to act like you.

You are sitting here ranting about other woman and placing all of us in a category because we aren't like you. Sorry, but I could care less how beautiful you think you are, your attitude is what drives people away from you. I have no problem complimenting a beautiful woman or stunning man. I am confident in who I am and my looks but I do not measure who I am merely based on my looks.

I have great relationships with people of the same sex and opposite sex. They are genuine, based on who they are as a person, not determined by the way they dress or what they engage in, in their personal relationships.