So in love it's destroying her

Inquiry Angry Abusive and Sorry About It

Gshb75 wrote:So I've never been one to use online forums or seek help, but for along time now I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend. It has been off and on abusive at both ends both mentally and physically. However, my girlfriend was in a deep depression for about a year, but that ended in November 2016 and she started being happy again and being her normal self. Sometime around there I started going downhill and started getting so afraid that she would leave because she likes to threaten that she will when she is angry. During December it got a lot worse because she was having a lot of health problems with her liver. And i started punishing her for being sick all the time, but she was legitimately very sick and may need a liver transplant.... and I don't understand where the anger towards a sick person was coming from.

Now to the present. For the past four days she hasn't done anything 'wrong' but somehow she has in my sick twisted head and four days ago I beat her... I was drunk and just completely lost it on her when we were drinking pointing out all of her flaws and insecurities in front of one of our roommates... and for what reason? Then later that night I got slapped for doing so which in her defense I 100% deserved with the things I was saying, but I snapped and hurt her really bad... she has a bruise on her face from it and it's incredibly embarrassing for both of us... I want it to stop and keep telling her it will. The next two days I just mentally abused her and f***ed with her head not intentionally, but regardless it was still done. Then this morning we got into an argument over the littlest thing last night which was me not responding to her after I read her message... my phone had actually just died... because something is wrong with the battery. All that is besides the point... she ended up yelling at me through a door and I lost my sh** and took the doorknob off the handle and then decided to yell and scream and tell her that she's the lowest form of life on the planet and she should probably just kill herself. Which I've been telling her a lot recently. Did I mention she is pregnant?... So she has every right to be upset and have mood swings.... and on top of all of that I still hurt her today physically..... when will it stop?... how do I stop it? I want to stop it but I can't seem to do it on my own. I tell her I'm going to stop, and all I want is for to be happy... which is true it's what I want... but I'm the one destroying her... and I can't seem to stop. I know this is a horrible story... and I know I will be judged based off of my actions and harming a pregnant girlfriend in this way... but I don't want to harm her and I don't want to lie... I'm telling the truth because I want to fix the problem instead of make it worse... because I do love her... it seems like I love her so much I'm willing to hurt her to make her stay.

Dear Mr. Geeshabang

This happens a lot in relationships. People, often without even consciously realizing it, feel stifled and trapped and they are horribly unhappy. But since they have so much Emotional Investment in the Relationship they feel way down deep that they have to continue with it. Note that it is Not a Conscious and Deliberate Decision to Stay with It. It is kind of like being in an Emotional Rut, or the bottom of a ditch – there is only one direction to go, and you don’t even realize that you have a Choice about climbing out of it. The Sure Sign that this is What’s Happening is that you get irritated all the time over everything. That is the Way your Mind finds to Rebel against the Situation you got It into.

Now, once you realize that Some Deep Part of Yourself is in Rebellion against your Relationship, you should be able to discern that you are indeed NOT Happy with it. I am sure you can look back and appreciate that for a long time now the Relationship has been all hard work and struggle and very little fun and pleasure. Indeed, in your case, the Relationship has turned into an actual Nightmare from Hell, right? Tell me that it isn’t true that you wouldn’t wish what you are going through now on your ‘worst enemy’ – that’s how bad it is, isn’t it?

So you want advice. Leave. Split. Adios. Buena Vista. Sayanora Baby. You got to pack up and go. It would be the best thing for you. It would also be the best thing for her (before you accidentally kill her or the baby or both of them). But mostly it would be best for you, because it is you that you need to worry about most. If the Lady was smart and looking after herself, she would have already left YOU, so you are actually doing her a favor by making her mind up for her. Once you split, she will hate you just fine and think it was all her idea to kick YOU out. Anyway, don’t worry about her feelings – she’ll be just fine. Yes, you will have to put money aside for Child Support. Once you leave that Seriously Flawed Relationship, you will naturally ‘chill out’ and be perfectly okay when you exercise your visitation rights and get a chance to see your child grow up in years to come.

Meanwhile, do not create a scene. You know you are dangerous in your present condition and the Lady is not above provoking you, and all of that is something that you do not need and which could seriously hurt the poor little baby. So, without saying a word, while She is not looking or while she is out, grab whatever it is that you really need, and go. Drive away. Don’t call. If she calls you, don’t answer. Since women very seldom resort to stalking, you can write to her and give her your new address. If she wants to communicate, she will have to buy a stamp. Communication by writing is best for volatile ex-partners, as it eliminates a lot of what is impulsive and entirely uncalled for. Though even with writing you can discern a certain ‘tone’ or mood – you can tell if they are still ‘hurt’ or ‘vindictive’ or whatever even if they don’t come out and directly say so. But phone calls ALWAYS turn into shouting matches and you got to remember that the reason you Left was so you Wouldn’t have to deal with that kind of thing anymore. To remind you, the Only Thing You Care About Now is the Baby. You want the Mother (that is all she is to you now, your Child’s Mother) to have your address so that she can contact you for Medical Info (the Doctor’s like to Know what to expect genetically in a Baby), and eventually the Courts will need your address so that you can get your Summons and Rulings and Court Orders and all of that. Oh, if you don’t know already, the Court’s Rule of Thumb about Child Support is 20% of your income for Each Kid. So unless you really want to be Poor, you should think about keeping It in your pants.

Oh, another word about Relationships. Some people are made for monogamous Relationships and some people would just do better going out for ‘a few laughs’ once in a while. You can’t blame the Lady… or you can blame them ALL. Don’t imagine that your Next Relationship would be any better. Well, it might not Be SO Bad, but in any relationship you will still feel trapped and hemmed in. Would you want to risk it and start a Thing with a New Girl only to find that first time that you say, or she says, something ‘irritable’ out of the Blue (the Beginning of Another End!). So, no! For now on the best thing for you is to be a Fun Loving Guy who Plays the Field. Oh, and Guys like That are more popular than you would ever believe… especially with Married Women! You see, a lot of People just want to have a Fling once in a while without really disturbing the Basic Content of their Lives. So if you can Be Fun and Be Discreet About It (never say a word about any of it to anybody!) you will get more Action than you can shake a stick at.

Anyway, good luck. Let me know how it goes.