Catfish for 7 years ? Help ?

It all started with who is now is my ex bestfriend in middle school , i remember sitting next to him on the bus everyday & he would always go on & on about how he had a new " man " everyday . I never put nothing past him but the men that he would talk about sounded sexy & wouldnt lay a finger in his direction . he eventually came out & told me the truth and i joined the wave . Why you ask ? Because i was f***ing ugly & didn't have the confidence simple . I loved the attention i was getting & i never felt more accepted than in those moments . I ended up getting into a four year relationship with a guy that i met on tagged , i tried everything in my power to keep this relationship going but i would go & come back to him meaning i would have a really strong conviction in my heart to let what we had go then i would give in & talk to him like nothing was wrong . Fast forward to 2017 i came out to him last year & told him the truth & i have never been hurt before in my life . I failed myself .. All my teenage life i have been hiding in closets & not fully living my life . My now ex bestfriend is somewhat instagram famous has a new set of friends & has completely shut me out & the life of his past relations.... I have tried every website to think of & i cant find NO ONE to replace him im tired of doing what im doing but now its time to end my old habit ... Im scared to let it go yes because i know how much it made me happy & how much i depended on it ..... I just love the company & affection i get from it maybe i can find this in myself one day .. Im tired of lieing to my friends & family but most importantly myself ! Im ready to close this chapter in my life .... Some one help ?