Zuriel wrote:I...we...spent ten years building a life...buying a house, making it a home, having a child, "enjoying" each other romantically, physically and emotionally. That was destroyed within one 15 minute conversation. My mistake was encouraging her to be friends with one of her coworkers (male) going through a divorce. They ended up messing around, but I was / am okay with that...then she left me for him...side note - she IS remarried and has fallen into the same lifestyle "we" had. The guy she left me for was 5 guys ago. for some reason she has harboured a ton of anger toward me and made the last 6 years hell for me. To this day, she will not even speak to me, e-mail me, text me, nothing. Strange part is, knowing the outcome, I would encourage her again to be friends with someone struggling.
I think I learned a hard lesson one afternoon in October, 2001, playing teeball with my daughter...nothing in this life is permanent...no matter how hard we try to do the right thing and be a kind person, things happen and life changes course. I feel this is my hang up on setting goals...really...why struggle to continue when nothing is forever. It is not that I can't move forward with long term goal setting...it's simply I see no reason to set long term goals when the future is so unpredictable.
As for the affair situation...it started with her first marriage...she left a guy at the alter for another guy...whom she later married...and divorced for another guy...who she left for the current guy she is seeing. She is simply dating right now...she was only married the one time...she tells me she is not leaving her current bf anytime soon...and I would never ask her to...with the history between us, I so bad want to share time with her, but I know it will be only temporary...that is what I do not think I will be able to handle.
I agree on the expression of appearance...but my outwardly expressed actions match my owtwardly expessed appearance...maybe this is why I am so tired of life...I have been working so hard to convince people that everything is great in my life.
Here-in lies another problem though...no-one wants to be around a constant downer...I don't want only depressed friends...I want happy friends...everyone tells me I have great karma because I help everyone / anyone that needs me and I am always so cheerful and happy-go-lucky...I think I just look for distractions from what is really happening inside...a denial of sorts...
Does any of this make sense???
Well, I doubt that things were destroyed by a mere 15 minute conversation. What were other warning signs, areas of difficulty that had been coming to a peak? Had you had any inkling before this that she was perhaps less than faithful? And why were you OK with them messing around? Because it was "worth" the pain to "keep" her? Except it didn't last, regardless.
I am afraid I'm confused when you say,"I think I learned a hard lesson one afternoon in October, 2001, playing teeball with my daughter...nothing in this life is permanent...no matter how hard we try to do the right thing and be a kind person, things happen and life changes course." I am not sure I understand what exactly happened in that afternoon that was your hard lesson. Please clarify.
This other woman you are seeking to have an affair with sounds like she has the same kinds of tendencies as your ex-wife. Can you think why you continue to attract and be attracted to this kind of situation?
Is it possible that you do not feel worthy and so you look to be everyone's helper, savior, cheerer-upper, etc, to feel like you have purpose? Because, frankly, while others deserve happiness, so do you. Be on YOUR side, in YOUR corner, cheering YOU up. Or, is it possible that women who will leave you ease the fear of commitment? I suspect the first thing more, honestly, but perhaps there is a tinge of the latter as well.
Wishing you well,
Peace.