I need anger management. They say anger is a form of depression. That's me. I keep thinking there must be a reason I am so angry. My problem is that at any given moment I feel like I could smash a window. do you know what I mean. Everything is great one minute. Then something little goes wrong and WHAM, the "wrath of lisa" comes along. Everyone get out of the way. Something is making me crazy inside. Right? I'm on antidepressants (for about 5 years) and have continually gained weight (which makes me crazy). I'm obsessed. My husband doesn't get it. I'm pissed off because I'm a cow and more mad because the meds are making me gain weight. .... Now before I go any further let me just tell you... I work out 5 to 6 days per week. Eat about 2000 calories a day AND then walk about 5 miles 3 times a week. OK so it's not just that I'm a lazy slob. But I look like one. The worst part is.... I'm a fitness instructor. Shouldn't I look good? Shouldn't I look like I can control my body? So there .... I guess it must be the weight. I'm stuck in a catch 22. I'm angry at the world! I can't go without the meds though, then I'm even worse. .. So maybe it's not the weight.
God please help me, I'm miserable. And I'm making the people I love miserable too. I don't like myself.
I see people in this forum talk about one little aspect of their life that they feel they need anger mgmt on. Ohhh, but I'm here to tell you it's so much worse than that. True anger mgmt, something that comes from within for no reason. With no warning. WHAM there it is. I need help. Someone please tell me what to do.
It's so much worse than that
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by timetogetunstuck » Thu Jun 30, 2005 8:16 am
Hi Dasher
Catch 22 is a good way of expressing how you feel... I can see that. 5 years on antidepressants will have had a major impact on your metabolism and probably your weight as a result. And you work out but feel you look bad and that fuels your anger even more. I imagine that you dare not come off antidepressants because if you're THIS angry on them, what will you be like without them?
How do you get out of this loop? Maybe start to look at separating your beliefs about 'fitness' from those you hold about body image (how you think you're 'supposed' to look). I have known extraordinarily strong people with incredible stamina and fitness who were way bigger than the idealised norm.. who weren't in the least bit 'attractively' shaped in the conventional sense. They were heavier than the ideal body weight but they were way fitter than me too.
How else to get out of this loop? Start to explore that your anger at your weight and fitness isn't really about weight and fitness. It's about the reasons you ended up on medication 5 years ago. Perhaps it's time to accept that the medication hasn't solved anything... just surpressed it?
If I was in your position, I'd be looking at anything and everything other than the current 'recipe' (medication and extreme anger outbursts/self loathing) which clearly isn't working. Everything from Juriaan Plessmans 'hypoglycaemic' theories (all over these forums) to intense therapy.
Gotta change the recipe, dasher. Good luck
Catch 22 is a good way of expressing how you feel... I can see that. 5 years on antidepressants will have had a major impact on your metabolism and probably your weight as a result. And you work out but feel you look bad and that fuels your anger even more. I imagine that you dare not come off antidepressants because if you're THIS angry on them, what will you be like without them?
How do you get out of this loop? Maybe start to look at separating your beliefs about 'fitness' from those you hold about body image (how you think you're 'supposed' to look). I have known extraordinarily strong people with incredible stamina and fitness who were way bigger than the idealised norm.. who weren't in the least bit 'attractively' shaped in the conventional sense. They were heavier than the ideal body weight but they were way fitter than me too.
How else to get out of this loop? Start to explore that your anger at your weight and fitness isn't really about weight and fitness. It's about the reasons you ended up on medication 5 years ago. Perhaps it's time to accept that the medication hasn't solved anything... just surpressed it?
If I was in your position, I'd be looking at anything and everything other than the current 'recipe' (medication and extreme anger outbursts/self loathing) which clearly isn't working. Everything from Juriaan Plessmans 'hypoglycaemic' theories (all over these forums) to intense therapy.
Gotta change the recipe, dasher. Good luck
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by disarmfromwithin » Thu Jun 30, 2005 9:39 am
Hi
firstly i would say that using the word should makes an expectation of yourself and i encourage my clients to drop the word should. whatever you did you did. You say one little thing makes you lose it. In my experience it is lots of little things stuffed in that lead to an explosion, as i have said in a previous post, people who implode their anger will always eventually explode. Have you any idea what triggers these events, if not i would like to suggest that you keep an anger diary, this deconstructs each angry incident to enable you to find out what lies beneath all this anger.
Afew hours after being angry sit and reflect on what has happened, ie what was i feeling, what did i say and do, what did others say and do. What did i feel in my body before during and after. and how do i feel about it now. how much did i take personally. This forms the basis for an anger diary, then over a period of a few weeks patters will probably start to emerge. These patterns will usually lead you to where the anger has been set up in your life and what triggers it.
It's really difficult to work through the process by forum, but if you find a good anger management facilitator i am sure it will help you make positive changes.
very best wishes
Robbie
firstly i would say that using the word should makes an expectation of yourself and i encourage my clients to drop the word should. whatever you did you did. You say one little thing makes you lose it. In my experience it is lots of little things stuffed in that lead to an explosion, as i have said in a previous post, people who implode their anger will always eventually explode. Have you any idea what triggers these events, if not i would like to suggest that you keep an anger diary, this deconstructs each angry incident to enable you to find out what lies beneath all this anger.
Afew hours after being angry sit and reflect on what has happened, ie what was i feeling, what did i say and do, what did others say and do. What did i feel in my body before during and after. and how do i feel about it now. how much did i take personally. This forms the basis for an anger diary, then over a period of a few weeks patters will probably start to emerge. These patterns will usually lead you to where the anger has been set up in your life and what triggers it.
It's really difficult to work through the process by forum, but if you find a good anger management facilitator i am sure it will help you make positive changes.
very best wishes
Robbie
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by timetogetunstuck » Thu Jun 30, 2005 7:29 pm
disarmfromwithin wrote:It's really difficult to work through the process by forum
hey Robbie
That's so true. There are a lot of people who come here (it seems) wanting some kind of help but who just will not go get it face-to-face ie. counselling / coaching / therapy / GP whatever.
It's great that you do what you do with the experience you have. Keep up the good work and I hope it goes well!!
sam
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by dasher » Fri Jul 01, 2005 12:26 am
Thanks so much for letting me vent. I was definitely having a really bad night. I thank you all for listening and being objective. Yeah, somethings got to change. I tried to wean myself off the meds and I was miserable... not to mention, very volitale. I realized then that I need (or thought I needed) the meds. How do I find a local "anger mgmt" counselor? Do I look for a psychiatrist or psychologist? Should I be focusing on the "anger mgmt" or my depression... or my obsession with my weight.
Oiks! I'm messed up. I feel bad because I know my husband didn't expect this when we married!
Oiks! I'm messed up. I feel bad because I know my husband didn't expect this when we married!
by disarmfromwithin » Mon Jul 04, 2005 7:10 pm
Hi i'm not sure where you are but if you have yellow pages it's a good place to look also obviously the internet. To be honest it's personal choice as to who to look for but in my experience of running groups and seeing people individually, i find that without doubt most people get far more out of being in a theraputic group setting. people tend to learn so much more by being with other non shaming non blaming people. the other good thing about a group is that you are able to set up a support network when the group is finished.
Regards Robbie
Regards Robbie
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