I WANT AN EATING DISORDER?! :|

**Posts:** 73 · by **Rebekah Bean Curley** » Thu Apr 08, 2010 1:56 am

wtf. i'm a freak..
but, i feel i am seriously overweight.
no matter if i see people a lot larger than me.. i still feel fat.
if i see skinnier people, i'm obsessed to be like them.
i'll secretively try and see what their daily routine is, and what they'd eat, and what excersises they do.

i'm only 15, yet i'd SO wanna be able to fit into 5 year old clothes..
i can already fit into most 9-10 year old clothes.. but i want to be skinny.
i'd sit and cry and try and pull the fat off my stomach, and it disgusts me.

Sometimes i just don't eat, because i don't feel hungry.
OH ALSO! i'm a vegetarian, but since drinking, i seem to eat things like chicken when i'm very drunk, so yeaahh :/ lmfao.
Also, i do tend to go on some KITCHEN CUPBOARD RAID. where i'll eat pretty much anything in sight. although i'm not greedy, so i can't eat that much..

Anyways, don't let that fool you into thinking i'm bulimic, because i dont throw up my food.
i went through a fase of no eating, though whatever i did eat, i'd throw it back up..
But yeah, help? :/
i dunno what to do tbh. and although everyone on here will tell me to not change the way i am, and to not get an eating disorder {though, it's a disorder, i can't make myself have one} and to be healthy, i still just want other's views

t

**Posts:** 14140 · by **jurplesman** » Thu Apr 08, 2010 7:16 am

Of course there may be many reasons why you tend to be overweight. Have you been tested for hypothyroidism? Of course there may be many reasons why you tend to be overweight. Have you been tested for hypothyroidism?

If you are not hypothyroid it could be that you suffer from pre-diabetic Insulin Resistance also known as hypoglycemia.

This means that your body is not converting glucose to biological energy. It mean that the unabsorbed carbohydrates accumulates in your body as fat cells.

Try out the Hypoglycemic Diet to start off with.

If no improvement please see a doctor.

**Posts:** 11010 · by **briary** » Thu Apr 08, 2010 8:08 am

Hi Rebekah

You say you 'want' an eating disorder, but from what you've described you could be at risk already.

It is alright to want to look nice and slim but when this tips into obsession that prevents you from eating there is a problem. Also, there is a difference betweeen not eating because you are not hungry and not eating because you want to get even thinner, but I think you know that don't you?

You are young and I realise there are lots of pressures on young people, plus I read your post yesterday I think in the other forum so I realise things are not easing for youu, but it is good to be asking the questions and seeking help. I have a 6 year history of various eating disorders now, been hospitalised twice and believe me it is no fun.

Also, I think no one thinks you are eating too much or necessarily bulimic for raiding the kitchen. I've done that after a period of fasting before. It's pure bingeing and sometimes didn't happen for ages again, sometimes did. It just shows you could do with some help.

Is there anyone you could talk to about this?

Karen

**Posts:** 73 · by **Rebekah Bean Curley** » Thu Apr 08, 2010 5:29 pm

First off; reading this made me feel terrible..
-

jurplesman wrote:Of course there may be many reasons why you tend to be overweight. Have you been tested for hypothyroidism? Of course there may be many reasons why you tend to be overweight. Have you been tested for hypothyroidism?

That made me feel like i'm fat and there's nothing i can do about it.
That ultimetly made me want to lose weight. Thanks for that.. (sarcasm intended)

Also.. Karen? I forgot -.-
Erm, there's not really any help i can get, purely because i've already been into a hospital due to my depression.. I met a girl there who was there because of her eating disorder, and it was horrible.. People had to watch her eat, and she couldn't go to the toilet afterwards, and she'd been there for quite a while..
I'd never want to be like that. I just want to be pretty, and skinny.

So, yeah.. that's about it :/
Thanks for any help..xx :']

**Posts:** 11010 · by **briary** » Thu Apr 08, 2010 10:12 pm

Hi Rebekah

Please don't feel bad about yourself no matter what because you are as good as anyone else.

Secondly, it's a shame you don't have access to any help but help can come from anywhere, including places like here.

Being an in patient with anorexia is pretty much as you described:

Rebekah Bean Curley wrote:I met a girl there who was there because of her eating disorder, and it was horrible.. People had to watch her eat, and she couldn't go to the toilet afterwards, and she'd been there for quite a while..
I'd never want to be like that.

I know because I have been in those places and believe me it is no fun at all. Sure it feels good at the time losing the weight, but then they make you gain it all back plus more, and you have no dignity or freedom. My last experience I can honestly say was worse than being in prison and I still have trauma.

So we know what you don't want. ie to be treated like that, so how about deciding to do something that keeps things more within your control and helps you get fit and healthy at the same time?

Karen

**Posts:** 14140 · by **jurplesman** » Fri Apr 09, 2010 2:45 am

Rebekah Bean Curley wrote:That made me feel like i'm fat and there's nothing i can do about it.

Yes you can, the first step is going on a Hypoglycemic Diet.
Have frequent small high protein snack, low in sugar, plus vitamins and minerals, especially zinc. Also have a look at Coconut oil for reducing weight and stimulating the thyroid gland.

If you feel you may have a thyroid problem, have this checked out with a doctor.

**Posts:** 73 · by **Rebekah Bean Curley** » Fri Apr 09, 2010 4:25 am

I'M NOT FAT! I FEEL FAT!
get off my post -.-

**Posts:** 11010 · by **briary** » Fri Apr 09, 2010 8:33 am

Hi Rebekah

And I know those feelings can be very strong and intense, almost like some grelim sitting on your shoulder and demeaning everything good about you. But here's the thing - you don't have to believe it because it will lie and manipulate you just to get what it wants.

So, as you feel fat and therefore see yourself as fat, how about letting people who really care about you giving a more impartial viewpoint and trying to believe them? And I mean people who really care about you, or who love you, or who you trust not to lie to you. Could you try that?

Karen

**Posts:** 23 · by **missmiserable** » Thu Apr 29, 2010 6:56 pm

You said you wanted other's views, and I'm not sure what exactly you mean by that, but here goes:

My best friend always said she wished she had an eating disorder too, and she wasn't overweight. In fact, it seems a lot of girls who don't have eating disorders wish they did. So I wouldn't call you a "freak" as you did in ur original post.

I must say though, that it sounds like you might have one even though u don't think you do. First, being obsessed with being skinny is a sign of a disorder in itself, and since you said you will "secretively try and see what their daily routine is, and what they'd eat, and what exercises they do" that just seems to prove that point even more.
Also, I think one of my good friends has an eating disorder and she claims to be vegetarian. Are you vegetarian cuz you want to be skinny and so that you don't have as much calories or for another reason??

And if you already fit into 9-10 year old clothes than ur plenty skinny.
I'm sixteen so I'm no expert but I at least can try to relate to you.

Oh, and btw maybe ur drinking makes you feel worse. Lay of the alcohol or at least try to drink less.

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