Hello UF!
Today I am celebrating my 2-year anniversary of being clean so here is my progress report on my journey.
I started smoking weed in my early 20s and quit a little over two decades later. Though there were some shorter-longer gaps, I gradually progressed from smoking occasionally to weekly, from weekly to daily and during the final years I used all day, every day. I quit because toking wasn’t fun any more and I had more and more miscellaneous health issues emerging: strange body aches, feeling extreme cold, often choking on food, concentration issues, headache, irritability, respiratory issues, etc. I was a functional addict so otherwise life was generally good but I could feel that things could and eventually would take a very unfavourable turn if I went on with my addiction. After about two years of hesitation and postponing I had mustered enough guilt and momentum to quit cold turkey. For a month nothing happened but one night I woke up to a hypertensive crisis (extremely high blood pressure) and ended up in the ER. This was the beginning of my acute withdrawal phase. Until I found this forum 2 months later I was convinced that I was down with some dreadful disease so I went from doctor to doctor to figure out what was wrong…nothing was wrong.
Considering some of the stories here on UF I believe PAWS has been generally merciful to me. Quitting hasn’t affected me socially or mentally. Except for some initial anxiety I had no depression, anhedonia or dissociative issues. The physical symptoms however were plentiful, long and weird. The first 4 months were 24/7 doom, months 5-13 were full of shitty PAWS waves, the second year was very much uneventful with only a few issues. The miscellaneous problems I had had before quitting ALL disappeared within the first couple of months, high BP and PAWS-induced anxiety resolved within 4 months, weird withdrawal-related physical sensations plagued me with lessening intensity for about one and a half years, proper sleep returned in month 16. I used some meds when I was really desperate. I needed BP meds during the first 3-4 months and I have used up a small bottle of low-dose Frontin during the 24 months when I needed a good night’s sleep (half a pill each time).
I had had no health issues pre-cannabis but in all honestly I have no idea how I should generally feel now had I not been a pothead for so long…I’m far from being in my 20s after all. All I can say is that mentally, intellectually, socially and physically I feel great and have little to complain about. I have no PAWS triggers, I can drink coffee and alcohol, consume sugary foods without any whiplash. I haven’t relapsed in these two years and I haven’t taken any other drugs either. Right now my PAWS-related episodes are very rare, short and totally tolerable. I can go months with absolute normalcy and then there is a restless night, the odd body chill (being cold) or some brain fog for 1-2 hours but that’s all.
During the first year I had so much pain and for so long that I don’t crave weed or feel like rolling a joint at all, the thrill is definitely gone. I bear no grudge, I mean I blame nobody else or nothing for what has happened to me, becoming an addict was my choice no matter how misinformed I was about the consequences of smoking cannabis. There is a lesson to learn of course, mine is about moderation. I have made my peace with weed, I simply feel disinterested about the whole issue now. When people/friends light up around me I discreetly leave the room and rejoin them later. I cannot stop feeling that I am an outsider when this happens and of course there’s a tacit agreement among my weed-buddies that I’m not a member of the pack any more. Naturally I’m never on about quitting weed, I don’t want to be a spoilsport when others want to chill so I just STFU and try to be happy with them.
I wish I had known more about PAWS, I might have been more moderate with cannabis – it’s not in my nature to self-impose agony – and I could have totally found better things to do than suffer big time from withdrawal for a year. But all in all I am more than pleased with where I am now and expect some further fine-tuning in the future. When I was down I tried many things to alleviate my pain but no diet, exercise, supplements or meditation made a real difference. The only thing that helped me was this forum, the stories here about quitting that confirmed that I was not mental and PAWS can be beaten…so for those who are struggling now, look at the bright side of things as each day takes you closer to feeling healthy and happy again!