Getting pissed off easily

managesigh1 wrote: What can I do to improve my emotional skills ?

Work on building your self-confidence. When a person is confident in themselves, then comments by others do not mean much. For instance, a person questioning your qualifications should not trigger a defensive reaction on your part, unless you are not sure of yourself.

Especially in some fields such as medicine, there will always be "tough love" teachers, because mistakes can result in a patient being killed. Should they spare your hurt feelings or make sure patients live? That is the way they see the situation. I'm not saying it is right or wrong, but it is reality. You either toughen up mentally (build your self-confidence and coping skills) or find yourself a career field where being highly critical is not the norm.

Welcome to the forum, I'm glad you have now have joined to forum to get support.

I try not to be disrespectful towards him. But it has come to a point where now, I can't approach him with anything in fear of being jumped on verbally.


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faari

Are you willing to change?

Are you willing to learn how to forgive more easily?

Are you willing to accept people more for who they are?

managesigh1

you know i would try to ignore it. We can make our anxieties go away if we act neutral to them. Just don;t analise it anymore simply ignore it, act neutral towards it. We can make everything, depression, neurosis, anger problems everything disappear if we treat it as if it does not exist.

Treat this inner anger, as if it did not exist, acts completely neutral towards it, ignore. If you believe that you have a problem you will have it; but if you treat the problem as if it did not exist it will disappear.
Just treat it as if it did not exist.

Dear Managesigh1,

Anger Management still seems to be a bit of a fluid discipline, particularly in the way that the various authors and authorities even define Anger. Some classify it as an Emotion, and say that everyone gets ‘angry’ from time to time. But I think the more disciplined and intellectually careful Authorities rather regard Anger as being a reaction to or a response to some negative emotion. In these cases we can say with certainty that Not Everybody Gets Angry. Some people simply experience the somewhat inevitable Negative Emotions that Life brings along, and they don’t yell or scream and get into fights, which practically always makes a bad situation much much worse.

In this view, because of your ability to control your responses and maintain your composure, you don’t really have an anger management problem. I would suppose many of us here quite envy you. We also fret and worry and experience anxieties that run all day and we can’t seem to shut them off, but we often multiply our troubles by, well, getting loud and obnoxious about it and driving away all who may have preferred to be sympathetic with us.

I quite like Richard Decisionskills reply to you. I too think you lack confidence. It makes me wonder of your perceptions of your Mentors – those fellows that plague and torment you with criticism. Is it possible that you are being over-sensitive? I myself had problems at a laboratory I once worked at, in that I was relatively intelligent and had years of Lab Experience, and new people coming in were getting some very basic things wrong and seemed to be very slow in learning from experience. I never thought of myself as being rude and abrupt with these people, but I would keep an eye on them, to see that they didn’t damage anything, and I would correct them in a straight forward way whenever I saw them off on some wrong track with something. Some were obviously touchy about being corrected. Anyway, they started finding other areas of work in the broader areas of the laboratory, and when the Boss asked them why they were skirting around XYZ Area, they complained that I was being horribly mean and arrogant with them. I had hurt their feelings, and what I suppose was really going on was that in my area they simply had no confidence. My being there was simply a kind of constant reminder that they were working at some lower level. But they projected it all upon me as though I was the one actively targeting them for humiliation. It’s not uncommon for people to think of themselves as the center of their own Universe, but it is often very distorted how many individuals suppose that they are also the centers of other people’s universes. How often do we allow people to hurt our feelings who really don’t care enough about us to go through that much trouble? But, you are there, and you see what you see and know what you know and so we should really assume that your perceptions are not just valid in regards to your feelings about them, but that they are also objectively rational and conform to everybody else’s perceptions as well as your own.

So your Mentors are in fact mean and insensitive. Now, yes, at a certain point some Mentors actually grow mean. Why would they do that? Well, if they lost hope in a protégé’s development, they might try to apply enough negative pressure to make him decide to quit. Could this be what is happening to you? You could come out and ask them if such is the case. They would then either relieve you of what had been some unnecessary fretting, or you have a much better idea of what your current job prospects are. Who knows, but if everybody suddenly opened up and became frank and honest, well, maybe they could finally give you some helpful suggestions. They may not wish to push things upon you that you seem to want to resist, but if you ask, they may actually be helpful. In my own case, I could never help anyone who was pretending to know everything already.

In any case it seems, whether you are right or wrong or indifferent, you are definitely NOT Happy. Right now you seem psyched out. Have you ever been to a Spectator Sport and seen a demoralized and psyched out Bench – an entire team that is cowering and hanging their heads. Well, they have already lost. Nobody can win when they are like that. I wish you could get some kind of reprieve, some vacation time, some way you could regroup yourself so that you can go into your Work with some confidence and swagger. I certainly wish you the best of luck.