New Member, Beta Blockers anyone???

Hello! My name is Blake or (ScaredtoSpeak), I'm 31 years old, married with one child. I have a great job at a big corporation. I suffer from some type of undiagnosed anxiety disorder that stems from public speaking, or sometimes just speaking. I get paralyzed sometimes to the point where words can't physically come out of my mouth for a good 30 seconds to a minute. I have certain triggers that lead up to this adrenaline rush/panick attack:

1) Presentations
2) Introduction when going around a room full of people
3) Job interviews
4) Phone calls - I talk on the phone all damn day long every day at work, but sometimes I get panick attacks on the phone for no legitimate reason. I overthink and stress about irrational stuff
5) Reading out loud

I can pinpoint the exact "birth" of my fear of public speaking. It happened in college. I was in class, we were going around the room reading some book out loud. About 10 seconds before I had to read, I sneezed. I am a hard sneezer. When I sneeze, I sometimes can't talk afterwards because it takes my breath out of me and I get instant dry mouth. So now it's my turn and I try to read the first sentence but my voice is breaking and I can't get the words out. A few people laugh. I ask to get a drink from the fountain. When I come back into the room I am instantly scared for it to be my turn again.

That was the birth of my fear which has matured into the list above of some of my triggers to these panick attacks where I can't speak. When I tell people the, they just say everything will be fine. Well, that's not the case. I've read books, went to Toastmasters (dropped out), public speaking class (dropped out), researched countless times on the internet for some help and just can't force myself to spend money on some of the things I see out there to help people like me. It looks to me like an awful lot of people try and capitalize on this fear with no real certain remedy. If I could give myself a grade on how scared I am of public speaking, I get an F-. I would be at the top of the list of wussies if there was such a list about public speaking.

What's weird is that I don't have any issues with public speaking when it's not scheduled. For instance, if I'm in a meeting and it's an open forum, I can talk relatively easy because I haven't spent so much time beforehand thinking about it. I over analyze stuff, I will lose sleep if I know I have to speak in front of a group. If you told me right now that I had to give a presentation next year on this date, I would't sleep for probably that whole year just thinking about how awful it was going to be (I'm being a little sarcastic about that, but not much).

I'm sick of being scared like this. It's completely irrational and I know it! I don't know why I can't control it, but everything I've tried has had very little effectiveness. Please don't respond to this if you think it's a breathing problem because it's not. I wish it were that easy. My fear has me scared to go for that next promotion at work. I feel that if I could conquer my fear of public speaking the sky would be the limit. It's always holding me back.

Here's my question. Has anybody had good results with beta blockers. I have researched them and have seen that they help with this type of anxiety. I know that if I didn't have to worry about my heart exploding, I could do a relatively good job at speaking when I have to face the triggers that set these panick attacks off. I realize that using drugs to conquer fears may be looked down upon, but I really don't care anymore since I'm not getting any younger and this fear is just getting bigger as years go by. I have made a little progress. My fear of speaking on the phone is somewhat getting less, but that's because I have to speak on the phone to people I don't know all day long as part of my job. What's weird is that even though I've been doing it for years, everyday as I drive into work I still get that anxiety over the first phone call. It's like back to square one with the fear every single day, like the movie "Groundhogs Day." Once I get "warmed up" with the phone calls, the fear fades away and I feel invincible, until of course the next morning again and then it's back to walking on pins and needles, feeling anxious and miserable.

I'm seriously thinking about going to the doctor and asking about beta blockers soon. My doctor prescribed me Lorezapam a couple years ago when I told him about my problem and I take a few pills before meetings or when I know I'll have to talk in fron of a group, but this drug hasn't helped all that much.

Okay, I've written too much. Thanks to all that read this. I have a feeling I'll probably be on this site quite a bit now.