Hi All
I found it useful last night to pour my heart out on here. But now he's seen the counsellor this morning and told me he was going somewhere else. He came back sat down and coldly told me he was leaving. After I got angry he 's now moving out when he gets a job! He doesn't want a divorce unless I want it, which I don't I just want my loving husband back. he's now moving in to the guest bedroom as he can't cope with my affection towards him. I have read the book Primal Wound which is about adoption and he is the classic case of push who loves you the most to the limit in testing their love for you.
I don't know what to do.
Please please does anyone know how I feel? Or what I should do?
I read the depression learning path and he has all the symptoms. I asked him to read it and he looked at me with no emotion and said so what do you want me to say, I have made my decision.
I also don't know if I should be on here or not. I can't stop crying, my heart is hurting so much.
Thanks for reading this.
Angelina
Devastated
4 posts
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by grovelli » Sun Mar 28, 2004 7:11 pm
Hi Angelina, welcome to the forum.
Maybe if you get to read the following together with your partner:
Men Don't Like Unconditional Love.
A relationship is more likely to fail if the woman shows affection to her partner when he is displaying negative emotions towards her.
Is your partner able to recognise his own emotional states, other peoples' and being able to control his own emotional responses?
If not I think this could help you both.
Maybe if you get to read the following together with your partner:
Men Don't Like Unconditional Love.
A relationship is more likely to fail if the woman shows affection to her partner when he is displaying negative emotions towards her.
Is your partner able to recognise his own emotional states, other peoples' and being able to control his own emotional responses?
If not I think this could help you both.
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by Jay » Wed Mar 31, 2004 2:18 am
The best thing you can do is give him the space he asks for. The more you try to cling, the more he is going to move away. You will find that when you move away, he will begin to move back toward you.
This is a basic rule of relationships which are a balance of attraction and repulsion. If one is doing all the attracting then the other is going to be repulsed etc .
I know its the hardest thing you can do when all you want to do is love and be loved. I speak from experience where I did all the loving in a relationship and all it got me was rejection, and as soon as I pulled back I ended up getting the love I thought I deserved. You can't give and expect to get it back, love should be unconditional.
Let him be, tell him you will be there for him, and he will come back. Don't push because he will push back.
This is a basic rule of relationships which are a balance of attraction and repulsion. If one is doing all the attracting then the other is going to be repulsed etc .
I know its the hardest thing you can do when all you want to do is love and be loved. I speak from experience where I did all the loving in a relationship and all it got me was rejection, and as soon as I pulled back I ended up getting the love I thought I deserved. You can't give and expect to get it back, love should be unconditional.
Let him be, tell him you will be there for him, and he will come back. Don't push because he will push back.
by Jared » Wed Mar 31, 2004 2:14 pm
hello angelina,
I am no psychologist or therapist. Just thought I tell everyone. However, I had herd something on a Christian radio station. I hope I do not offend you by telling you this. They said that Men do not love there wives and wives do not respect there husbands. They actually have the opposite role. where men just respect there wives and wives just love there husbands. In reality, if you would allow me to say something that is Christian, Men are supposed to love there wives and wives are supposed to respect there husbands. Part of backing off and giving space, like Jay said, is respecting your husbands space. I think it would be advised that you sit with your husband and think of at least 3 thing to say on why you respect him. Test him first. Tell him that you have x numbers of reasons you respect him and don't tell him. Wait and see what he does. If it works, he will be begging for you to tell him. And after telling him he will do things you will not believe, like be a servant for you, showing that he loves you. If I am completely wrong, it will not matter to him.
I am no psychologist or therapist. Just thought I tell everyone. However, I had herd something on a Christian radio station. I hope I do not offend you by telling you this. They said that Men do not love there wives and wives do not respect there husbands. They actually have the opposite role. where men just respect there wives and wives just love there husbands. In reality, if you would allow me to say something that is Christian, Men are supposed to love there wives and wives are supposed to respect there husbands. Part of backing off and giving space, like Jay said, is respecting your husbands space. I think it would be advised that you sit with your husband and think of at least 3 thing to say on why you respect him. Test him first. Tell him that you have x numbers of reasons you respect him and don't tell him. Wait and see what he does. If it works, he will be begging for you to tell him. And after telling him he will do things you will not believe, like be a servant for you, showing that he loves you. If I am completely wrong, it will not matter to him.
4 posts
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