Dealing with a depression fallout

**Posts:** 34 · by **Logie** » Sat May 13, 2017 3:50 pm

Dear reader,

As I have previously posted on this, my girlfriend left me around a month and a half ago.

Honestly I'm not going to bore any of you with the details again as I've already posted it all on here. The latest update is that she told my friend that she left me, mostly because of her depression but a small part was because of us being "too different". We were different, but that certainly didn't change the love I had for her and I know it shouldn't have changed the love she had for me. I guess maybe the depression caused her to.

Anyway, I've come to the conclusion that she's left me because of her depression. I believe her depression has caused her to lose feelings as I can't think of a normal explanation as to why she'd go from, "never liking anyone as much as she loved me", to ending things and actually seeming kinda happy after. I don't believe the excuse "we were too different".

Anyway that has been the latest update to what has happened. I've basically been in no contact to her. I like to think she'll realise eventually what mistake she made and that maybe she'll get better but she's been depressed for 4 years, has had treatment and medication and is only 19, so I don't have much hope.

I've come to more or less accept that this break up has had nothing to do with our relationship and that it has been completely her depression responsible.

When the breakup happened I would've expected that within a month I'd be a better person and healed from the breakup. It is now a little short of two months and I am so down. The only time I'm better is when I'm out with friends and I actually feel slightly happy when I am. As soon as I come home and I'm by myself I feel so isolated and sad. I had maybe a few days where I was thinking so positively and then for some reason I woke up feeling terrible. This has lasted the past 4 days and I feel there is no way out, even when seeing friends. I broke down Infront of my mum a couple nights ago as she asked me what was wrong and I replied with tears saying I just want to be happy. I have not cried in a long time.

I currently feel so lonely. My mum mentioned seeing a doctor but I find that stupid as I am not mentally ill, I'm just grieving a lot and I have hope that I won't be in this state much longer. She said to me that if I don't get over my down soon I'll fall into something even worse. This terrifies me. I've heard stories of people who have gone through what I have and a year later they are still feeling the same way I do. I'm already almost 2 months in and I'm no better. Being like this for a year scares me so much. I've tried what everyone tells you to do: "think positive", "exercise", "hang out with friends" etc etc. Is there actually anyway I'll get over this ? I know there'll be days where I feel much better and I'll feel like I don't even care about her. But I'll wake up another day and go into another low. Some are worse than others.

I feel so lost. Before all of this i promise you I was healthy. I was not like this. I did not overthink everything. I did not obsess over anything. I was happy.

I'd also like to thank the user Bowler. If you're reading this, You've helped me a lot through this and you're one of the rate great people left.

Anyway, this has just been an update I guess. If anyone has anything to add to help then please do.

**Posts:** 1 · by **Juli2509** » Sun May 14, 2017 7:00 am

Dear Logie, dont be down. You need to think that the decision of end the relationship wasnt yours. If your ex needed that give her that. You wont stop loving her that easy, so dont try to avoid the subject. Hiding things wont solve them. You need to try to accept the fact that this happened and in order for you to get better you need to learn to live your life without her in it. It a not gonna be easy, but you will get stronger from that. Dont fight the pain or the "depression". Instead, embrace it. Feel mad, angry, sad, lonely, scared, feel whatever you are feeling, and learn from that. Nobody said that life was being happy all the time. You are gonna start feeling better when you learn to live feeling bad. Then you slowly are gonna start taking for granted feel like that and start seeing the good parts. "When you change the way of seeing things, things change."
My advise: dont fight it, embrace all the feelings, because thats what relationships are, a tornado of feelings, and if it couldn't feel that horrible, it couldn't feel so good neither. What you are going through is tough, but use it to grow and learn. Try to feel thankful that happened instead of feeling bad because it ended, and, of course, trybto surrond yourself with friends and family because even if we dont realize it sometimes, they are great to cheer up amd they probably been there too, they understand and they dont judge.

I hope you get better,

Juli

**Posts:** 9885 · by **Candid** » Sun May 14, 2017 9:30 am

Logie wrote:The only time I'm better is when I'm out with friends and I actually feel slightly happy when I am. As soon as I come home and I'm by myself I feel so isolated and sad.

So organise your life to have lots of people contact and keep looking for more people and activities and new friendships.

Very often a crisis such as a relationship breakup uncovers a deeper problem: loneliness, inability to get on with others, inability to fill alone time in a way that's productive and/or enjoyable. These are all things you can be working on before you get into another relationship, and then you'll have a more positive and fuller self to give to others. That way, if someone ends a relationship with you, you don't take it as a stab to the heart, you like yourself better and simply move on.

Ask yourself this question: Would you want to date a person like yourself? And then you'll know what you need to work on.

**Posts:** 34 · by **Logie** » Sun May 14, 2017 11:20 am

Thankyou to both of you.

You are both right and I will try my hardest.

I think the main thing keeping me down is the fact I keep thinking that I won't ever love anyone that much or find anyone as good as her. That and also picturing her with some other guy. I guess I need to try and get my thoughts out of that

**Posts:** 9885 · by **Candid** » Sun May 14, 2017 1:09 pm

Logie wrote: I keep thinking that I won't ever love anyone that much or find anyone as good as her. That and also picturing her with some other guy. I guess I need to try and get my thoughts out of that

Yes indeed. As long as you wallow in bad thoughts and feelings about her, that will remain the truth for you. You can break the pattern by understanding that it's over, that it wasn't your fault, then getting out into the world again so you can find someone who loves you just as you are.

**Posts:** 22 · by **hopefulcheese** » Tue May 30, 2017 8:48 am

Hi Logie,

I know it's been a few weeks since you last posted. I hope you're feeling better. I'm sure it's very tough for you to let go of the thought... you loved this person. I remember when I broke up with my ex I thought I would never find someone I would feel the same way for (of course I was wrong). It's great that you're hanging out with friends and that that you feel happy sometimes. It may be hard to see the light right now, but you will get there. I must say the process is going to be difficult.

What helped me when I was in a similar situation was to force myself to get out, even when all I really wanted to do was stay in bed and sleep. It seems you are already doing that.. another thing is finding something that I enjoy doing so I keep my mind occupied. Unfortunately a lot of the work will come from within us. I know at that time no amount of encouraging words helped me, it was not until I made a decision until I saw progress towards healing. Be strong, you will get there!

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