Those feelings are coming back. Where everything seems and feels dark and gloomy. Where I'm constantly in fear. My chest hurts all the way through my back.
I miss Chandler. My 4 year old dachshund that I had to put down just 2 months ago.
I'm worried about myself. I've been screaming out in my sleep for about 4 days this past week, which has been going on for a few months. I'm taking the max dose of sertraline, with past experiences with other medications that seemed to stop working.
This has been going on for more than a few years, inconsistently. I'm in between psychiatrists because none of them seem to know what they're doing or just don't seem to care to know.
I've been through hell and back. I suffer from major depressive disorder, PTSD, panic attacks, anxiety, and adhd on the side. I've been kicked out, I've been mistreated, I've suffered through starvation, I've been homeless twice, I've been in and out of jobs, I've been molested, I've lost a pet, I'm thousands of dollars in debt, and I am only 25 years old.
I've lost hope, I've lost interest, I'm starting to lose faith. I've been depressed before, 10 years ago. But I can't seem to snap out of this one. Am I broken beyond repair? Or will I continue to cost people more money the longer I continue to stay alive. I fantasize about suicide, but can't act upon it. But I act carelessly to try to get into harms way. For something to take me.
All I know is, at the end of the day, I'm scared to go to bed, because I'm terrified of waking up.
-please help