Want to be anorexic again

Hi Karen

Here's a question for you...

Q? If you had a choice between losing all that weight so that you were just
a bag of bones to look at, and being happy, which would you choose?

sgreen007 wrote:Here's a question for you...

Q? If you had a choice between losing all that weight so that you were just
a bag of bones to look at, and being happy, which would you choose?

Good question. Losing the weight because I absolutely believe that will lead to happiness and I can't have happiness without being very small and thin.

Karen

briary wrote:Good question. Losing the weight because I absolutely believe that will lead to happiness and I can't have happiness without being very small and thin.

"I can't have happiness without being very small and thin."

That's a very limiting belief. Can you imagine being your 'ideal' weight and
feel the feeling of happiness that you would feel if you were that weight?

So you would choose losing weight and 'possible' happiness over 'definite'
happiness?

Q? Exactly how much weight would you have to lose, or what weight would you
have to be to feel happy?

Q? How do you know that this weight is the 'magic' weight and that when you
get to this weight you will feel happy?

sgreen007 wrote:That's a very limiting belief. Can you imagine being your 'ideal' weight and feel the feeling of happiness that you would feel if you were that weight?

Anorexia promises me it, along with the love and care I crave. I believe this is the only way to achieve it.

sgreen007 wrote:So you would choose losing weight and 'possible' happiness over 'definite' happiness?

Yes, because there is no other happiness.

sgreen007 wrote:Q? Exactly how much weight would you have to lose, or what weight would you have to be to feel happy?

That's a hard question to answer because I wouldn't know until I got there but it would have to be less than I've achieved in the past, so I've got an awful lot of weight to lose

sgreen007 wrote:Q? How do you know that this weight is the 'magic' weight and that when you get to this weight you will feel happy?

Anorexia will let me know when I've got there because all I've been dreaming of will come true. She will keep her promises, I just haven't ever been good enough yet,

Karen

That's funny... all of your letters, words and sentences are the same size as
everybody elses, I must be talking to the wrong person.

Get that Ana Rexia on here so I can talk to her.

sgreen007 wrote:That's funny... all of your letters, words and sentences are the same size as
everybody elses, I must be talking to the wrong person.

Get that Ana Rexia on here so I can talk to her.

Sorry, I don't understand that

Karen

Well I am guessing that is is YOU who thinks YOU are fat/overweight etc?

I KNOW I am VERY FAT. There is no question of it. I get fatter by the day. I am repulsed by my size and my fatness is not imagined. I really hate myself.

Karen

Well if it were you who was fat, your letters, words and sentences would all
be fat. But they aren't.

Perhaps you are making the usual mistake in thinking that you are your
body, and because you think you are your body, and your body has fat cells
on it, therefore you must be fat.

Fat can't talk. When I read your words they are not fat.

Am I talking to you, or the body?

briary wrote:That's a hard question to answer because I wouldn't know until I got there but it would have to be less than I've achieved in the past, so I've got an awful lot of weight to lose

That reminds me of a story about a soldier that explains the definition of insanity.

This solider is searching everywhere for a piece of paper, when asked what the
piece of paper looks like he says he doesn't know but he will know it when he
sees it.

Well after days of searching, annoying everyone and confounding the doctor he
is finally sent to the very top officer who precedes to hand him his discharge
paper.

"That's it!" says the soldier, "that's the piece of paper I've been looking for.

My reference earlier to your words not being fat is that YOU are not fat.

Through all of your words whether written online, in an email or evenn over the
telephone where anyone of us is speaking directly to YOU nothing to do with
FAT or size is there.

I think you might have made the classic mistake of thinking that YOUR BODY
is actually YOU, or that YOU are YOUR BODY.

That's probably what has happened.

BTW, who is this anarexia person and this anarexia in charge of all of your
emotions?

Hi sgreen007,

I totally agree with

I think you might have made the classic mistake of thinking that YOUR BODY
is actually YOU, or that YOU are YOUR BODY.

We are multidimensional beings and our body is just one facet of who we are. I think it's sad that in this world most people only identify with their physical self, but that is what we've been taught. Kudos to you for being one who has left this mindset behind.

Karen, sgreen007's advice is very wise. I know it may be hard to see, but "fat" is not who you are, it's just a word, a label that you have associcated with yourself. It's just conditioning that can be changed.

Love,
Debbi

Just to chime in on this point:

"fat" is not who you are, it's just a word, a label that you have associcated with yourself.

I've been told recently that my eating disorder isn't who I am. Also that my depression isn't who I am. The thing is that these things are so BIG and so all encompassing, that they dictate how I act, all of the choices I make, and actally affect my physcial appearance. That from where I'm standing, it's impossible to see how they aren't who I am.

Tell a quadraplegic person that that's not who they are. They can't use their arms and legs- every facet of their life is touched by this fact. It changes who they are to a very deep, core level. And makes them who they are. If they could use their limbs, perhaps they'd be an athlete, a cab driver, a window washer. These things would form their personality, their disposition, they'd make different kinds of connections with different people. Ultimately, they'd have different thoughts from one moment to the next. And isn't that what makes us who we are?

I also believe I'm fat. I'm near my goal weight and realizing it's not nearly low enough. I'll still have these pads of fat on my inner thighs. And that's not okay. My friends and doctors tell me I'm getting too thin- my levels indicate malnutrition- but all of my decisions are around the absolute belief that I'm fat. For that reason, it feels very much like who I am.

That's just my opinion on that thought. But perhaps it's because I'm looking at it from the inside out.

We can always chop off your legs, then you would have no inner thigh fat
pads to worry about. And you wold still be you, with the same thoughts and
beliefs, so don't worry.

In fact, we could go the whole hog, chop off your arms and legs, attach a
new donated arm, transplant all new organs into your body and give you a
new face by face transplant.

All your thoughts will still be there, you would still be you, you could carry
on posting on this forum and nobody would know the difference.

Q? Is Professor Stephen Hawking 'just' a bloke who sits in a wheelchair?

My brother's best friend is in a wheelchair following an accident playing rugby
yet he does not define himself as disabled or believe that is WHO he is. He
is one of the best solicitors in practicing his area of law.

I may sit in a car called a cab, pick people up and drive them places for
money. That may be what I do to earn money, but what I do is not who I am.

When you limit yourself to - I am what I do to earn money - or - I am my
body - then you are fully attached to a dillusional set of beliefs otherwise
know as identity or in its basic form 'thoughts'.

Hi sgreen007,

Pretty harsh examples there, but understood. There are many examples of so-called "disabled" people who are exceptionally accomplished. They never let their diagnosis or physical limitations affect who they are. In fact, their circumstances most likely prompted them to excel further. I believe everything has a purpose and reason, and many times we are tested in life with things that challenge us to the breaking point so we can change, improve ourselves, and be a good example to others. Some people do, and some don't.

I understand Stella's point of view, as I have been through similar circumstances as she and Karen, too. It's the nature of these "disorders" to be nearly completely physically identified and self-focused. It's difficult to see through those blinders as they can be all encompassing and prevent clear vision of reality. The self is defined by what the self sees in the mirror, and not much else can change that. It's difficult to understand this way of thinking unless you have experienced it. The unfortunate thing is that our thoughts create our reality, so these disorders are also self-perpetuating.

From where I stand I see both sides of the coin. What I am thinking now is that Karen and Stella just need compassion and support. Someday they will see that their bodies do not define them, but they need to get better to be able to do so.

sgreen007, do you have experience with eating disorders?

Debbi

What does the self see if the body that the self is in is blind?

Looking in the mirror and believing that what the self is seeing is the self is the
cause.

I like John Lennon's bagism. In a bag you cannot see the other person and the
other person cannot see you. Does away with age, race, height, weight and all
the other prejudices that people bring with them.