Hi, I'm new and I am tired of being angry all the time!

**Posts:** 4 · by **Terra2518** » Wed Apr 16, 2014 4:03 am

Hey there. My name is Terra and I am 27 years old and I've had anger issues for as long as I can remember. I get so angry so much that I'm constantly stressed and tense all time. When I get angry, i get furious! Like, I wanna break ssomething. i live with my gfs relatives. Her mom owns 5 little dogs, 2 cats, a bunny, and plus our dog....so 6 dogs living in the house. Her mom and step dad dont usually get home till late, so the both of us are stuck taking care of the dogs, mothering her son who is a teenager, cleaning the house, and making dinner. We do it all most times!! It makes me angry that we gotta do everything around the house....and pick up everyone's mess. I feel taken advantage of everyday.,and that's one thing I won't take...that and someone being rude to me or calling me stupid. Anyway, lately I've been getting real angry with the dogs because they constantly need to go outside...I loose control sometimes and kick one of them (not so hard that it injures them) more like a shove kick....and I'll yell at them and scare them with my anger towards them. I feel so bad afterwards. I hate feeling this way. I want to cry, but I feel like I can't cry any more. I don't know what to do. I try to be happy....I try not feel so angry, but it just happens. I'm turning into a monster and I don't like it. I try to avoid people because I'm afraid they will take advantage of me and I'll loose it and yell at em or give attitude. I don't know what to do. I hope you guys don't think I'm a monster.

**Posts:** 10113 · by **JuliusFawcett** » Wed Apr 16, 2014 7:57 am

Hi, I don't think that you are a monster, I think you are trying your best to get more inner peace.

Good mental health is about doing no harm to yourself or others, with that in mind, we can see that our mental and physical health are intimately related. So taking a holistic approach can help you to become more healthy and let go of your anger. May I ask you some questions?

Are you eating the right amount of healthy food? (no junk)
Are you drinking the right amount of healthy drinks? (no alcohol, caffeine or fizzy)
Are you taking the right amount of healthy exercise?
Are you getting a good balance between work, rest and play?
Are you looking after your personal appearance and your living environment?
Are you grateful to the people who make your life more comfortable?
Are you able to forgive past hurts?
Are you choosing consistently positive and optimistic thought patterns?
Are you contributing to your local community?

**Posts:** 634 · by **Bodhidharma** » Wed Apr 16, 2014 12:16 pm

JuliusFawcett wrote:Hi, I don't think that you are a monster, I think you are trying your best to get more inner peace.

Good mental health is about doing no harm to yourself or others, with that in mind, we can see that our mental and physical health are intimately related. So taking a holistic approach can help you to become more healthy and let go of your anger. May I ask you some questions?

Are you eating the right amount of healthy food? (no junk)
Are you drinking the right amount of healthy drinks? (no alcohol, caffeine or fizzy)
Are you taking the right amount of healthy exercise?
Are you getting a good balance between work, rest and play?
Are you looking after your personal appearance and your living environment?
Are you grateful to the people who make your life more comfortable?
Are you able to forgive past hurts?
Are you choosing consistently positive and optimistic thought patterns?
Are you contributing to your local community?

I ask myself "What can I do right now to keep me happy?" and then I do that. Are you willing to change Julius Fawcett?

**Posts:** 44 · by **ErinRodgers** » Thu Apr 17, 2014 12:16 am

No you are not a monster at all. You have a lot going on in your life. Have you tried to talk to anyone about how stressed you are with all the work you have to do? I would start there.

**Posts:** 31 · by **aventura_psych** » Fri Sep 19, 2014 8:39 pm

Like i tell anyone who has anger issues......Have you smoked any weed lately?

**Posts:** 10113 · by **JuliusFawcett** » Sun Sep 21, 2014 7:22 am

All the happiness that you could ever enjoy is already within, there is no need to smoke weed, have you read the addictions thread?

**Posts:** 39 · by **Fannon** » Mon Oct 20, 2014 10:51 am

i have been finding high dose vitamin c helps with my stress levels, which have made it easier for me to deal with "the anger effect" of quiting some addictive traits. i just dropped 15 grams of vitamin c into my system i;m expecting a easy morning tomorrow

**Posts:** 10113 · by **JuliusFawcett** » Mon Oct 20, 2014 6:07 pm

no expectations, no disappointments

**Posts:** 16 · by **Deepguy** » Mon Oct 20, 2014 11:51 pm

From what I can see here, you are living (maybe even rent free but this matters little) in someone elses house who have done you a favour (presumably) and this is how you repay them.

Having never had the welcoming from Family at an early age I was living on the streets. My Mum did allow me to come over on weeknights but would charge me for dinner and then I had to leave. My Mum would have murdered me if I'd ever raised my voice at her, let alone kicked her.

You need to learn some tough lessons. I'm sure you're a nice person at heart but this seems the only way to help yourself?

**Posts:** 4 · by **Terra2518** » Tue Feb 10, 2015 3:02 pm

Deepguy wrote:From what I can see here, you are living (maybe even rent free but this matters little) in someone elses house who have done you a favour (presumably) and this is how you repay them.

Having never had the welcoming from Family at an early age I was living on the streets. My Mum did allow me to come over on weeknights but would charge me for dinner and then I had to leave. My Mum would have murdered me if I'd ever raised my voice at her, let alone kicked her.

You need to learn some tough lessons. I'm sure you're a nice person at heart but this seems the only way to help yourself?

Oh, ok...so...my fiance and I work our asses.of, pay our own bills, PLUS we clean after the mom, step dad, brother AND sister, because they are f***ing too lazy to pick up after themselves!! then we.have to turn around and make sure the MOMS dogs are taken care of while she is gone? Mind you...she has a f***ing zoo in here! ! don't get me wrong I love her family, but they are f***ing lazy! and her and i pick up after ourselves everytime....so why can't they? I've gotten to the point where I don't even do anyone's dishes, but mine! I clean up MY mess and leave theirs laying wherever. Pisses me off

**Posts:** 1152 · by **Leo Volont** » Wed Feb 11, 2015 10:10 am

Terra2518 wrote:
Oh, ok...so...my fiance and I work our asses.of, pay our own bills, PLUS we clean after the mom, step dad, brother AND sister, because they are f***ing too lazy to pick up after themselves!! then we.have to turn around and make sure the MOMS dogs are taken care of while she is gone? Mind you...she has a f***ing zoo in here! ! don't get me wrong I love her family, but they are f***ing lazy! and her and i pick up after ourselves everytime....so why can't they? I've gotten to the point where I don't even do anyone's dishes, but mine! I clean up MY mess and leave theirs laying wherever. Pisses me off

Have you noticed the tendency you have to encourage your negative feelings? the first thing you should start doing in order to be the new kinder gentler and happier you, is to stop supporting yourself in all of these negative thoughts and emotions. Perhaps the easiest and most effective place to begin is to no longer allow yourself to swear. Using profanity always escalates bad feelings and negative thoughts. Don't say the words and when you catch yourself thinking in terms of swear words, well, stop and make yourself rephrase. you'll be surprised in just how much that simple solution will clear down on a large chunk of your negativity.

Next, to quote Shakespeare, "nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so". Look at how you construe all these things in such a negative way? But what good does it do? If you plan on staying with this family, then you can do all the extra work gladly, or you can put together a plan for moving out. But complaining, and especially all of that border line hostile and aggressive behavior, well, it makes you feel bad about yourself, and that is a good enough reason for stopping it. And you can stop it best by no longer considering these Thoughts either necessary or even justified. To be your own best friend, you need to stop being your own worst enemy. If you find that the worst advice comes from your own head, well, first, stop listening to yourself (not easy or very practical, but may work in emergencies), and secondly, change how you tend to put a negative spin on so much that you think about. I’m not suggesting Rose Colored Glasses, but only that you take off the Dark and Gloomy ones.

People have more control over their lives than they generally believe possible. Usually the lacking quantity is Attention and Focus. People work on their problems for a day or two and then get drawn away by other priorities. You need to simply stay with this Anger problem. The best way I have found to do that is to read from almost any anger management book daily. It will keep you focused on the idea of anger as a problem that you have. Of course, better books are preferable to books that are worse, and below I point you to some books that I have found helpful.

books I would recommend:

One book I recommend, because I found I gave it a splendid review on Amazon is “Angry All The Time: An Emergency Guide to Anger Control” by Ronald Potter-Efron (my review is on the 3rd page of the 5 Stars). I had said that it is the one book most likely to bring anybody back ‘from the edge’.

You might want to start by reading a book: – “Cognitive and Dialectical Therapy Unleashed”, by James Ashley. It’s a good little affordable book that will tell about Cognitive Behavior Therapy – how to change your thinking in order to change your behavior.

One of my favorite anger management books: Peter Favaro "Anger Management". I read it through over twice now, and he seems to keep his ideas organized better than most people in the anger management field.

**Posts:** 4 · by **Terra2518** » Wed Mar 04, 2015 12:48 pm

Leo Volont wrote:
Terra2518 wrote:
Oh, ok...so...my fiance and I work our asses.of, pay our own bills, PLUS we clean after the mom, step dad, brother AND sister, because they are f***ing too lazy to pick up after themselves!! then we.have to turn around and make sure the MOMS dogs are taken care of while she is gone? Mind you...she has a f***ing zoo in here!

Have you noticed the tendency you have to encourage your negative feelings? the first thing you should start doing in order to be the new kinder gentler and happier you, is to stop supporting yourself in all of these negative thoughts and emotions. Perhaps the easiest and most effective place to begin is to no longer allow yourself to swear. Using profanity always escalates bad feelings and negative thoughts. Don't say the words and when you catch yourself thinking in terms of swear words, well, stop and make yourself rephrase. you'll be surprised in just how much that simple solution will clear down on a large chunk of your negativity.

Next, to quote Shakespeare, "nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so". Look at how you construe all these things in such a negative way? But what good does it do? If you plan on staying with this family, then you can do all the extra work gladly, or you can put together a plan for moving out. But complaining, and especially all of that border line hostile and aggressive behavior, well, it makes you feel bad about yourself, and that is a good enough reason for stopping it. And you can stop it best by no longer considering these Thoughts either necessary or even justified. To be your own best friend, you need to stop being your own worst enemy. If you find that the worst advice comes from your own head, well, first, stop listening to yourself (not easy or very practical, but may work in emergencies), and secondly, change how you tend to put a negative spin on so much that you think about. I’m not suggesting Rose Colored Glasses, but only that you take off the Dark and Gloomy ones.

People have more control over their lives than they generally believe possible. Usually the lacking quantity is Attention and Focus. People work on their problems for a day or two and then get drawn away by other priorities. You need to simply stay with this Anger problem. The best way I have found to do that is to read from almost any anger management book daily. It will keep you focused on the idea of anger as a problem that you have. Of course, better books are preferable to books that are worse, and below I point you to some books that I have found helpful.

books I would recommend:

One book I recommend, because I found I gave it a splendid review on Amazon is “Angry All The Time: An Emergency Guide to Anger Control” by Ronald Potter-Efron (my review is on the 3rd page of the 5 Stars). I had said that it is the one book most likely to bring anybody back ‘from the edge’.

You might want to start by reading a book: – “Cognitive and Dialectical Therapy Unleashed”, by James Ashley. It’s a good little affordable book that will tell about Cognitive Behavior Therapy – how to change your thinking in order to change your behavior.

One of my favorite anger management books: Peter Favaro "Anger Management". I read it through over twice now, and he seems to keep his ideas organized better than most people in the anger management field.

I always think to myself, "what would a mentally healthy person do in a situation where they feel like they are being taken advantage of?" I can never think of what that would be like. I've had issues with anger since I was a kid. Only difference is, I was a stealth angry person up until about maybe 5 hears ago when I started exploding. It's all I know...I grew up watching my ex step dad explode all the time. Would be nice to not be so angry all the time. It's miserable. I'll put your advice to use and see how it goes. Thank you.

**Posts:** 1152 · by **Leo Volont** » Thu Mar 05, 2015 4:36 am

Dear Terra,

Thank you so much for writing back, and thank you for your kind reception of my advice. You actually seem quite sweet, and I think your life will improve significantly. But remember, I think in your case, the largest part of the problem is in how you perceive things and mentally interpret situations. I remember you saying “I wonder how a mentally healthy person would react to being taken advantage of”, and that showed the problem right there in a flash – Well, a ‘mentally healthy’ person would not see it as ‘being taken advantage of’. They might see it as being asked to pitch in or help out with household chores and see it as just another one of those duties of life. Do you understand what I am saying?

Here, picture this – A big healthy freckled blond girl from the Mid-West with straight pretty teeth which everybody knows because she is always smiling. They ask her to do exactly what they ask of you, and so what does ‘she’ do? She says, “why sure, Aunt Sue, I’ll be glad to”. And then, every day, she just knocks off the chores one by one, whistling while she works, and when she is done she just thinks to herself how happy she is that there aren’t also some big old cows that need milking like ‘back home’. And she is a sweet and happy person. Happy nearly all the time. It’s in her head that way. Do people take advantage? Well, sure, but even happy people learn how to draw the lines and say no once in a while, but no one minds because, after a certain point people DO realize that people like that really do have ‘have their plates full’ so to speak. Well, you could be happy too… and sweet. You can be both.

Just keep with the books, and keep an eye on what you are thinking. There are thoughts that help and thoughts that don’t… just remember to evaluate them for their quality before taking any of them seriously or acting upon them. Oh, this reminds me of a great Anger Management Story:

There was once this Tribal Chief who told his grandson that inside each man there are two wolves – one is a kind and gentle wolf and would be your spirit guide, but the other wolf is mean and nasty, vile and brutish. And these two wolves are in constant conflict with each other, but eventually only one can win and the other must die, and then we will only have one wolf, either the good one or the bad one, whichever one survives. The grandson then asked the chief, “how can we help the good wolf win?” The answer was “Let it be the one you feed”.

So, ‘feed’ the good thoughts, and stop yourself when you have bad thoughts, and dispute with those bad thoughts and think of all the good reasons why you should dismiss the bad thoughts.

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