Constantly tongue-tied

First, I want to commend you for the efforts you have made so far, and, I do have a couple of suggestions that have worked for a lot of people we have coached in both speaking and writing.

We use the first exercise to help people relax, to teach them to move around and use guestures when they speak, and, to improve their vocabulary. . . a very simple, all round tonic, for speaking either in public or in small groups.

Here is how it goes:
Where ever you are, indoors or out, you are going to treat the immediate area around you as your verbal canvas. Let's say you are in an office setting.

a. take a short visual inventory of the furniture, the wall coverings, the electronic equipment, and, any items that indicate what type of business or person uses this office (maybe a binder with a logo on it).

b. Now start in one corner of the room and touch the first item you encounter. Let's say it's a file cabinet. Tell your imaginery audience what color it is- whether it is a 2-3-4 drawer unit. Open a drawer and tell us how it feels - does it glide smoothly?- does it balk? - does it skew sideways? (notice the emphasis on verbs- they are your best source of verbal fluency!).

c. Move all around the room, describing each item in turn. Feel the texture of the wallpaper and carpet and describe it so your 'audience' feels it too. Notice the blinking lights on the equipment - "like a _____ "(find a good simile for this).

d. Do a wrap up by describing how you think it might feel to work in this office. Even make recommendations.

Repeat in as many settings as you can, until you can do it without any preplanning.

And for quick vocabulary building, try these:

a. Describe 10 things a car engine can do - eg. balk, stall, etc.

b. Write down the words or phrases you use all the time. Now find at least 3 substitutes for each one.

These will also help with essays.
Good luck in your classes.

Another thing is to try this before interviews:

-- Sit up straight, with your hands on your thighs.

-- Close your eyes.

-- Take a deep breath.

-- Exhale through your nose slowly, for a count of 1, 2, 3, 4.

-- Inhale through your nose slowly, for a count of 1, 2, 3, 4.

-- Repeat exhaling and inhaling.

You can set a timer for five minutes, but the first few times, there's a semi-dizziness that kicks in at about 2-3 minutes. Or at least, it did for me.

The point isn't to clear your mind -- it won't accomplish that -- but to calm your body despite your mind.

Where the body goes, the mind follows.

Hi kangkeo91. I think in essence what you describe is a self-esteem/confidence issue. If you felt great and confident on the inside, words would flow smoothly and naturally from your mouth. I think a lack of experience and feelings of anxiety are holding you back.

Let me give you some tips that can help:

1. First of all (this might not seem related, but it is) doing exercise can work wonders. If you are already healthy and feel good about yourself this is not needed, but if you don't like how you look doing fitness can help you boost your confidence.

2. Secondly, you should start practicing social-skills. You missed out on a lot of opportunities in life when you didn't talk to people. So you have to start practicing your social skills at an later age. For some people social skills come mostly natural, but other people need to work on this. There are many natural very social people, but also there are very social people that became that way with hard work and practice. Practicing social skills is nothing to be ashamed of, but you don't have to tell anyone or even let anyone notice you are doing it. You could go to a CBT therapist, or you could buy self-help books in a bookstore or online bookstore, like amazon.com or the like. Overall, social experience will slowly (or quickly) build social confidence. You'll know what to do, which makes you confident; and if you don't know what to do, you'll feel confident enough anyway to get through a difficult situation.

3. Also, start working on your confidence and self-esteem. The best way to do this, imo, is by doing exercise and practicing your social skills, so you basically have that covered if you do the 1st and 2nd tip. Nothing builds confidence more than having a lot of little social/professional/romantic successes.

Good luck in overcoming your challenges.

I notice in your post that you said you suffer from low self esteem and have all your life. I admire the work you have done on presenting yourself and on speaking,. But I would suggest you work no the self esteem stuff as well. I am a certified Hypnotherapist and in my work I often help people to improve their self esteem. A lot of it is about indetifying where the problem came from in the frist place. For example, was there someone in your past (perhaps a parent or teacher) who made you feel badly about yourself? Did you pick up any negative messages, driectly or indirectly about your worth or value? If so, I would work with you to change the imprint of those past experiences and relationships.
See...sometimes my clients say to me "When I ____, then I will like myself more"--the "blank" can be lose weight, find the right person, get the right job, learn to speak better etc etc. but i think it works the other way around. I think when we feel good about ourselves, the rest comes more easily. when you feel proud, confident and empowered, your voice will reflect that. So, i suggest looking for a hypnotherapist in your area that can help you with that.
good luck!
Linda Campbell, Your Authentic Self Hypnotherapy Inc.[/url]