Angry at the smallest things? Any suggestions?

Gambit wrote:Hey all, 18 M here.

I don't like putting my issues out there at all, but this is becoming a major issue in my life, and I'm desperate for change. I've always had a relatively short fuse, but recently its been worse than usual. Some background info on me: I'm in a committed relationship with a girl, only downside is that shes in the army. We've known each other for years before she enlisted, and have had a thing since before she enlisted, so its not some catfish scheme or anything. I intensely dislike having fights with her, but it happens. As of late, its been happening more and more. I don't know if its possibly the distance (Shes stationed on the other side of the planet) getting to me, or if it could be any other factors, but i find myself getting mad over the smallest of things. We have our little spats, and when we cool down we apologize, and talk it out, but its not that that's bothering me. its the fact that when i hear that shes having a good time with her friends, i get jealous and i say very chastely "Have fun, i'll stop bugging you". I don't know if that's normal, and anyone who's been on either side of a long distance relationship, preferably military related, i would absolutely love to get some advice on this from you. Though don't let that discourage you if you have never had an experience like that. I want help with my anger issues, and I'm more than willing to go into more detail if someone asks about something specific. Thank you so much in advance, and i appreciate any advice that you lovely people are willing to offer.
-Gambit

Dear Gambit,

She is in the Army, so now I am wondering what you are doing. When she is having fun with her ‘friends’… well, are you committed to staying locked away in lonely seclusion while she is stationed abroad, and you forbid yourself to have any ‘fun’ with any of your ‘friends’. Hmmm… do you have any ‘friends’?

You see, after just a little bit of thought, well, this may really be a very simple problem to deal with. You are not married to this girl. Yes, she may not be in the Army forever and you think she will come back to you, but the Army is a lot like Jail – it changes people. She will never be the same girl you once knew. Also, with the Job Market the way it is, she may decide on a Military Career – she may never get out. You know, I myself was in the Army, and if I only knew how terrible Civilian Jobs were compared to the Army, I would have stayed IN. The Army Takes Care of Its People, which can’t be said about any Exploitative Capitalist Corporation which just Takes Care of Its Shareholders.

Also, it is troubling that you seem so Co-dependent – begrudging her a few moments of Happiness. I don’t know where she is Stationed, but there are plenty of Very Crappy Places you can be stationed nowadays and any glimmer of Happiness becomes a Precious Treasure, and you are screwing with that. And these Fights you get into could really do her some real harm – if you distract and bother her, it could be bad for her Career (soldiers need to be ‘sharp and In the Zone 24-7), or it could even get her Killed. And it is obviously not good for you.

Do her a favor and let her go. Break Up. Believe me, She will be okay. It’s you I’m not so sure about.

But, yes, additionally, it does seem you are prone to Anger, and even after you take care of This Particular Problem, I am sure you will find other things to be bothered about. If you want to deal with Anger in General, let me know, and we can get started.