I have been suffering Social Phobia for about a year now. It started after I had quit school and right before I went to get my GED. I don't know if it has to do with the fact that I was home for so long and practically never got out during that time, but when I was ready to go back and get my GED, I just couldn't do it because I was so afraid of what people would think of me. Just the thought of walking into a classroom full of my peers...was too much.
After finally having summoned up the courage to go through with it, I spent a much larger amount of my time at home. The fact that my best friend had moved away and got married didn't help any, either, because he and I used to go out practically every weekend and do something. But having spent all that time at home didn't make things any better.
I seem to have no problem going to the usual public places, like stores, gas stations, relative's home's... However, when I do go to a public place, I tend to put up a barrier and try to appear threatening so nobody will talk to me. It's really more subconscience than conscience, because I can't help but to appear that way anyways. Especially to people I don't know. But when I am around my peers...I feel so self-conscience and I start freaking out. I don't know why, but I just have this great fear of being judged. Especially by my peers. It's mostly the factor of my appearance, which I am definitely self-conscience about. So many people tell me that I am good-looking, but I don't really see it. Sometimes I think I do, when I am by myself, if I look in a mirror. But when I am out in public, I feel horrible compared to everybody else.
I never understood my desire to be comparibly as good-looking as other people. I guess I don't want to feel lower than them... In any aspect, really.
I wish I knew where these feelings come from, and how to deal with them. Before anybody suggests it, I am not interested in medication. I have had bad experiences with that in the past, which has been more than enough to keep me away from them in the future. Also, I am already taking Zoloft, which was actually my idea. It didn't seem like one of those mind-altering medications, like Prozac or Paxil. (The two that I had bad experiences with.) It's not really helping me any, though. I feel no different than if I weren't taking it. But I don't think my problem is nessicarily something to do with a "chemical imbalance", as the people who promote these type of medications would put it.