I have been suffering Social Phobia for about a year now. It started after I had quit school and right before I went to get my GED. I don't know if it has to do with the fact that I was home for so long and practically never got out during that time, but when I was ready to go back and get my GED, I just couldn't do it because I was so afraid of what people would think of me. Just the thought of walking into a classroom full of my peers...was too much.
After finally having summoned up the courage to go through with it, I spent a much larger amount of my time at home. The fact that my best friend had moved away and got married didn't help any, either, because he and I used to go out practically every weekend and do something. But having spent all that time at home didn't make things any better.
I seem to have no problem going to the usual public places, like stores, gas stations, relative's home's... However, when I do go to a public place, I tend to put up a barrier and try to appear threatening so nobody will talk to me. It's really more subconscience than conscience, because I can't help but to appear that way anyways. Especially to people I don't know. But when I am around my peers...I feel so self-conscience and I start freaking out. I don't know why, but I just have this great fear of being judged. Especially by my peers. It's mostly the factor of my appearance, which I am definitely self-conscience about. So many people tell me that I am good-looking, but I don't really see it. Sometimes I think I do, when I am by myself, if I look in a mirror. But when I am out in public, I feel horrible compared to everybody else.
I never understood my desire to be comparibly as good-looking as other people. I guess I don't want to feel lower than them... In any aspect, really.
I wish I knew where these feelings come from, and how to deal with them. Before anybody suggests it, I am not interested in medication. I have had bad experiences with that in the past, which has been more than enough to keep me away from them in the future. Also, I am already taking Zoloft, which was actually my idea. It didn't seem like one of those mind-altering medications, like Prozac or Paxil. (The two that I had bad experiences with.) It's not really helping me any, though. I feel no different than if I weren't taking it. But I don't think my problem is nessicarily something to do with a "chemical imbalance", as the people who promote these type of medications would put it.
Social Phobia
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by Roger Elliott » Wed Jun 23, 2004 7:21 am
Hi Taran
I think you are right, it is unlikely that your problem is anything to do with a 'chemical imbalance' - these things rarely are.
It seems to me you have done a pretty good job of working out why you have got anxious about social situations - it is simply that when thinking about going out you are focusing almost entirely on yourself, which is a normal side-effect of anxiety, but of course tends to worsen matters.
Rather than trying to work out where these feelings come from (would it really help if you knew?), you might like to start having a think about how you would like to be when you go out.
Our free self confidence course will help you do that.
Socialising is also like using a muscle - the more you do it, the stronger it gets, so taking time off from it can make it more difficult to start again. Maybe you could think of a way to gently re-introduce some to your life? One good way is to get involved with a group that has an aim - such as volunteering. That way, the aim of the group is to achieve something, rather than purely socialising itself - the social aspect is a by-product.
You may also find this self consciousness articlehelpful.
The more you can lower your anxiety levels whilst in the situation itself, the easier you will find it to keep your attention off yourself. 7:11 breathing is fantastic for this, but does need practice.
I hope this is helpful
Roger
Roger
I think you are right, it is unlikely that your problem is anything to do with a 'chemical imbalance' - these things rarely are.
It seems to me you have done a pretty good job of working out why you have got anxious about social situations - it is simply that when thinking about going out you are focusing almost entirely on yourself, which is a normal side-effect of anxiety, but of course tends to worsen matters.
Rather than trying to work out where these feelings come from (would it really help if you knew?), you might like to start having a think about how you would like to be when you go out.
Our free self confidence course will help you do that.
Socialising is also like using a muscle - the more you do it, the stronger it gets, so taking time off from it can make it more difficult to start again. Maybe you could think of a way to gently re-introduce some to your life? One good way is to get involved with a group that has an aim - such as volunteering. That way, the aim of the group is to achieve something, rather than purely socialising itself - the social aspect is a by-product.
You may also find this self consciousness articlehelpful.
The more you can lower your anxiety levels whilst in the situation itself, the easier you will find it to keep your attention off yourself. 7:11 breathing is fantastic for this, but does need practice.
I hope this is helpful
Roger
Roger
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by Taran » Wed Jun 23, 2004 8:24 pm
I honestly think that if I could trace my anxiety back to its cause and better understand it then I could be on the road to conquering it altogether. At least, that is my usual methodology of problem solving.
I appreciate your response... But I am not finding anything useful in the links you supplied, unfortunetly
I have tried different excersizes to help overcome my anxienty, but I think I am just too stubborn on a sub-conscience level to actually allow them to be effective. It's difficult to explain.
I think my anxiety is also connected to a lot of other issues that I am dealing with. I probably just need to focus on them one at a time...
I appreciate your response... But I am not finding anything useful in the links you supplied, unfortunetly
I have tried different excersizes to help overcome my anxienty, but I think I am just too stubborn on a sub-conscience level to actually allow them to be effective. It's difficult to explain.
I think my anxiety is also connected to a lot of other issues that I am dealing with. I probably just need to focus on them one at a time...
by Roger Elliott » Wed Jun 23, 2004 8:47 pm
I'm sorry that none of that was of any use, although personally I think knowing about how to use breathing to lower anxiety is useful to everyone - I certainly use it.
If you need help with that, I'm sure there are people here who can give you useful tips for effective problem solving.
Fair enough, it usually is, but the question is - is it working? And how will you know when you have found 'the cause'?I honestly think that if I could trace my anxiety back to its cause and better understand it then I could be on the road to conquering it altogether. At least, that is my usual methodology of problem solving.
So do you have many problems that need dealing with? Of course that is going to cause anxiety - and as you say, effective problem solving needs a step-by-step approach. Otherwise it is easy to feel overwhelmed. The more calm you can stay whilst solving problems, the easier it is going to be - your brain simply works more flexibly when you are calm, which is helpful for problem solving.I think my anxiety is also connected to a lot of other issues that I am dealing with. I probably just need to focus on them one at a time...
If you need help with that, I'm sure there are people here who can give you useful tips for effective problem solving.
- Roger Elliott
- Site Admin
- Posts: 2821
- Joined: Thu Sep 04, 2003 9:28 am
- Location: Oban, Scotland
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