sweat for improvement

**Posts:** 1 · by **kinr2** » Thu Oct 29, 2015 1:48 am

If only I were more social I wouldn't be writing this.

My life is good. I have a lovely caring gf; she's about to give birth to my first son, I did quit a soul eating job and managed to make a good friend. Money wise not so good but we survive. I try to remind my stupid good for nothing brain how grateful I am - to cheer me up or take my focus away but still have 5-10 seconds out of control.

I don't get physical anymore(used to when teen/young adult) but in my wake, all this detailed murder planning in my head sickens me horribly. Maybe I am paranoid and these thoughts are "normal"? In any case I don't like getting so mad. Because I know what anyone is capable of. I can't be getting so angry and dumb to be wanting to take someone's life.

Some people I met are so conscious when they get provoked and handle it well. I tried to fake it but only worsens my rage. What works best for me is just to shut up, block thoughts, no talk and my stupid brain forgets after a while. I really worked hard to get to where I am today. Some books and videos helped realize what works and what not and what I should be focusing on. What I am lacking I guess is direct advice although some people I opened up did try their best to help but didn't really help at all. I've been like this all my life and although I'm very slowly improving I feel like the right kind of "talk" is still somewhere out there.

This can be read as a stretch for help or a supporting note for someone like me. I worked real hard to get to where I am and I will absolutely never quit.
I want you to know that advice/opinion that can help will be greatly appreciated.

**Posts:** 1554 · by **laureat** » Thu Oct 29, 2015 4:22 am

A positive experience in life changes how we feel
A positive experience with someone changes how we feel about that person

Sometimes we may react aggressive because of fear
Sometimes we may react aggressive because of hate

But we learn to " surrender " our fears, our hate
We learn to surrender our jealousy
We become more open, more democratic, less dictator

So our approach becomes better
Our respond becomes better
We have different targets
We learn how to disagree with others better way
We learn to have reasonable expectations from ourselves and others

So at rhe end we feel different way
Because we see the world different way
More trust, more love, more democratic, more calmness more effectiveness, less panic about results, less blaming about results,

**Posts:** 653 · by **Introspectah** » Thu Oct 29, 2015 9:18 am

kinr2 wrote:I try to remind my stupid good for nothing brain how grateful I am

Why so harsh on your indispensable companion?

all this detailed murder planning in my head sickens me horribly

Is the object of your murderous imagination someone you hold dear?
Someone you hold grudges against?

In any case I don't like getting so mad.

By which you mean to indicate the tight handbrake you've placed in control of your emotions [which are meant to fluctuate and are rather uncontrollable by nature]?

Some people I met are so conscious when they get provoked and handle it well.

By which you mean to say that if not managed supervisually (;supervision) your blind rage would besiege your seat of operation, and you would be doomed to release the beast that you had attempted to indefinitely lock up to no avail?

**Posts:** 1152 · by **Leo Volont** » Thu Oct 29, 2015 1:53 pm

Dear Kin,

Well, you already seem to be doing the right things... watching videos.. which I suppose your generation does instead of reading the books... and I suppose you have read some books too.

that is all Good. You just have to do a lot more of the same thing.

don't just watch a few videos and read a few of the books. If It is Important To You, and it obviously is, then make a Study... a Personal Hobby... a Crusade! Become an Expert on Anger management.

Read the Books, but go past the books and learn the working assumptions of the authors who wrote the books. How is Their Advice supposed to work Psychologically. Learn how Your Head, and everyone else's head works.

It is really about learning how to make New Thought Patterns habitual... to take the place of your old Dysfunctional thought patterns. And to be able to correct old habitual behavioral patterns with New habitual behavioral patterns. IT TAKES A LOT OF WORK. But the Psychological Theories behind it all are quite sound, and the Results show that dedicated and motivated 'Patients' experience Significant Improvements.

So, just do More of what you are Doing already... and Believe In It. Become an Authority in it. the Best Anger Expert is One who has Conquered it in Himself.

**Posts:** 69 · by **Josh Smith** » Fri Oct 30, 2015 1:29 pm

Dear Kinr2, One thing I've learned about my rage is that, underneath, I have bad feelings like shame and inadequacy. The best thing for me is to give myself compassion as I feel these bad feelings. That really helps to acknowledge the truth about myself and have the motivation to improve. The way you described your situation suggests you have self-loathing and are really suffering from it. Give yourself some compassion, man. I believe that if you can lighten your load that way, your murderous aggression will ease.

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