This is my first time to post to something like this. Iv been in a complete state of panick, worry, nervousness the past few weeks.
The thought came into my head one day "what if you don't love him as much as you say" reguarding my boyfriend, might I add he is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I know I love him and just please remeber that when you read on. That thought came and went when I looked at a few pictures of us and felt reassured i did love him and I laughed it off. It happend again a few weeks later and again I laughed it off.
Everything was fine up until I had that thought again this time I couldn't get it to go. I started to panick and overthink everything. What if I don't love him? What If I have to end things and that's when all my problems started. I can't sleep, eat, I feel nervous and anxious to talk to him and see him. I know I love him and I keep telling myself that but I can't seem to get the thoughts to go. I told him everything and being as amazing a person he is he told me everything will be okay. It got worse and I was forced to tell my parents, they told me it's fine the honey moon phase is over and you won't be all loved up All the time and I believed them. But I still couldn't get rid of the nerves and worry and anxiety. I can't loose him he is my everything, I care about him so much. Everything got worse and I broke down to a friend in work and told her everything. She told me this will now go away unless I get help so I did . That day I went to my doctor and broke down and told him everything. He told me I had anxiety and depression and prescribed me antidepressants. I took them for two days and felt amazing, back to myself again and excited to see my boyfriend. I know this had to be the placebo effect because anti depressants don't work this quickly. But it didn't last long anyway about a week after I woke up during the night with severe heart palpitations and woke my boyfriend up with fright. He was there for me and comforted me. It all started again from there. But now I feel nothing when I look at him, empty and terrified because I can't loose him I just can't please someone tell me this has happened you and I will be okay. We have talked about marriage and kids and I can't see myself with anyone else but him. I feel like I'm loosing my mind. I thought about ending it all but that would mean I would still be loosing him in a way and I thought of how he would feel if I wasn't here. I'm back on the antidepressants now the last 3 days and Iv come off my contraceptive pill as I did a lot of research and found that a lot of women on my pill ended up with depression and anxiety as part of side effects. Hopefully someone can give me some person experiences and let me know I'm not the only one. I won't give up I can't because I can't loose him he's the best thing that's ever happened me I'm gonna stick it out and wait for my feelings to "switch" back on I know how stupid that sounds but it's my only hope
HELP PLEASE LOOSING MY MIND
13 posts
• Page 1 of 1
by edgyjayyy » Fri Sep 29, 2017 4:46 am
hey just read your post,
i think you just need to relax and not stress to much about your boyfriend. if you feel like theres something wrong about your relationship then see a therapist or talk to someone close about it for advice just to get it off your chest. Also ive had panic attacks for about a month and theyre starting to go away. the best way to deal with them is not to freak out more when you get them cause it makes it worse by feeding it more fear, you wont die its just your imagination playing tricks with you. just take deep breaths and count to 15. if you feel like getting them again just act like its a whatever thing like "yay, another anoying panic attack".
i think you just need to relax and not stress to much about your boyfriend. if you feel like theres something wrong about your relationship then see a therapist or talk to someone close about it for advice just to get it off your chest. Also ive had panic attacks for about a month and theyre starting to go away. the best way to deal with them is not to freak out more when you get them cause it makes it worse by feeding it more fear, you wont die its just your imagination playing tricks with you. just take deep breaths and count to 15. if you feel like getting them again just act like its a whatever thing like "yay, another anoying panic attack".
by Leah09 » Sat Sep 30, 2017 6:46 am
Thanks for the advice!
I actually saw a therapist yesterday and she put a lot into perspective for me and I’ll be seeing her again over the next few weeks!
Iv decided I’m not going to let my thoughts tell me how to live my life, I know what I want and I have it so I’m going to fight to get better and I’m glad I will have my boyfriend by my side all the way.
I hope your panick attacks leave soon! Hang in there!
I actually saw a therapist yesterday and she put a lot into perspective for me and I’ll be seeing her again over the next few weeks!
Iv decided I’m not going to let my thoughts tell me how to live my life, I know what I want and I have it so I’m going to fight to get better and I’m glad I will have my boyfriend by my side all the way.
I hope your panick attacks leave soon! Hang in there!
by Candid » Sat Sep 30, 2017 9:03 am
Hi Leah!
This reply is going to seem blunt, for which I apologise in advance. I call myself Candid because I tell it like it is, haven't got time to pussyfoot around. Also, most of the people I help here and elsewhere haven't got time to dance around the subject either. They are in crisis, as you are right now.
As soon as I read this I thought I knew what we were in for. Usually when girls or women write or say this, they then go on reveal a full catalogue of diabolical behaviours they're accepting from their intimate partner. "I know he loves me BUT...." You didn't do that, so I was intrigued.
When you need to keep convincing yourself of something, over and over, PLUS you can't sleep, it's important to know you're lying to yourself. The only person we can never lie to is ourselves. The body simply won't let us. It keeps us awake at night, screaming in our ears: "TELL THE TRUTH!" It won't let up until we do. It won't let us sleep. Anti-depressants, anti-anxiety meds and sleeping pills won't have any effect other than possibly act as a placebo.
Everything in your post tells me there's something you're not facing.
That's an interesting choice of word, forced. It makes me wonder what other lies one or both of your parents have expected you to accept.
"It's fine": Their daughter was in great distress and they hadn't noticed. She was finally forced to tell them what was going on, because she knew they were never going to raise the issue with her. Clearly it isn't "fine".
"the honey moon phase is over and you won't be all loved up": Ugh. You're not even married to this guy, and they want you to believe it's all downhill from here. From the sound of things, their marriage is in bad shape. It's flatlined, comatose; it's all but dead. Certainly their honeymoon phase was over long ago!
You're a young woman, their daughter, and when you're "losing your mind" they tell you you've already had the best you can expect. They throw a bucket of cold water over you, and I strongly suspect they've done that many times before. No wonder your mind is rebelling! If I were in your mind, I too would be yelling: Wake up, Leah! Life can be joyful, exciting, perpetually amazing, and with wonderful intimate relationships! That's the way it should be, for everyone -- and as long as we're honest with ourselves, that's how it is.
This woman is an angel on your life path. She's caring enough to want to help you, which is more than your parents bothered to do; smart enough to know she couldn't handle your problem, and it might damage the friendship if she attempted it; and wise enough to advise you to see a professional. Hang on to her.
Your doctor was a bad choice. I know it's supposed to be the first port of call for everyone, but the all-purpose advice to "see your doctor" creates a problem in itself. There aren't enough doctors, and most of them are pretty jaded. Even the best of them have more patients than they can cope with, so everyone gets fobbed off. You "broke down and told him everything" then he reached for his prescription pad. Here you are, girlie: just take these pills and everything will be fine. Now go away. Next patient!
Incidentally, I know you didn't tell him "everything". You didn't mention your age but you have a boyfriend and I believe you're still living with your parents, so I'm thinking you're teens or early 20s. If your doctor is typical of what's out there he gave you about ten minutes, and for most of that time he was neither seeing nor hearing you because he was too busy looking at his screen and rattling away on his keyboard. So the "everything" you told him didn't include your lived experience or your feelings about it. I'm guessing you told him what you've told us: I can't sleep, I can't eat, and I feel nervous and anxious because I know my boyfriend and I love each other but something's not right.
Leah, the problem is clearly not with your boyfriend; it's with your parents. It isn't their fault they're too troubled to 'be there for you', but it looks to me as though they've stopped trying -- if they ever did.
I've seen lots of young women on this forum who are trying to convince themselves (and us!) that their boyfriend is amazing and wonderful, he just "can't help" beating them, sexually abusing them, being unfaithful or whatever of the million-and-one horrors troubled men do to their equally troubled partners. You'll no doubt get responses from them, but you are not in that category. Your boyfriend is everything you want to believe he is. Hooray!
Perhaps your therapist has already suggested your parents are your entire problem, but more likely she's saving that until she's won your trust. No one wants to discover that their parents didn't or don't care enough to listen to them and respond appropriately with support, comfort and encouragement. As long as you insist and believe that the problem is in your intimate relationship, you'll have to keep taking pills in order to deny it all started long before you and he got together.
So am I, Leah, very glad. You're smart, too. That's why this wise co-worker is your friend, because like attracts like. When you can be honest with yourself, it'll be safe to let your thoughts run your life -- not just safe, but mandatory. All anyone has is a mind. To put it crudely: if you can't trust your own mind, you're screwed.
If all this makes sense to you, visit http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php. My username and signature there are the same as they are here, so you can address me directly.
This reply is going to seem blunt, for which I apologise in advance. I call myself Candid because I tell it like it is, haven't got time to pussyfoot around. Also, most of the people I help here and elsewhere haven't got time to dance around the subject either. They are in crisis, as you are right now.
Leah09 wrote:The thought came into my head one day "what if you don't love him as much as you say" reguarding my boyfriend, might I add he is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I know I love him and just please remeber that when you read on.
As soon as I read this I thought I knew what we were in for. Usually when girls or women write or say this, they then go on reveal a full catalogue of diabolical behaviours they're accepting from their intimate partner. "I know he loves me BUT...." You didn't do that, so I was intrigued.
What If I have to end things and that's when all my problems started. I can't sleep, eat, I feel nervous and anxious to talk to him and see him. I know I love him and I keep telling myself that but I can't seem to get the thoughts to go.
When you need to keep convincing yourself of something, over and over, PLUS you can't sleep, it's important to know you're lying to yourself. The only person we can never lie to is ourselves. The body simply won't let us. It keeps us awake at night, screaming in our ears: "TELL THE TRUTH!" It won't let up until we do. It won't let us sleep. Anti-depressants, anti-anxiety meds and sleeping pills won't have any effect other than possibly act as a placebo.
Everything in your post tells me there's something you're not facing.
It got worse and I was forced to tell my parents, they told me it's fine the honey moon phase is over and you won't be all loved up All the time and I believed them.
That's an interesting choice of word, forced. It makes me wonder what other lies one or both of your parents have expected you to accept.
"It's fine": Their daughter was in great distress and they hadn't noticed. She was finally forced to tell them what was going on, because she knew they were never going to raise the issue with her. Clearly it isn't "fine".
"the honey moon phase is over and you won't be all loved up": Ugh. You're not even married to this guy, and they want you to believe it's all downhill from here. From the sound of things, their marriage is in bad shape. It's flatlined, comatose; it's all but dead. Certainly their honeymoon phase was over long ago!
You're a young woman, their daughter, and when you're "losing your mind" they tell you you've already had the best you can expect. They throw a bucket of cold water over you, and I strongly suspect they've done that many times before. No wonder your mind is rebelling! If I were in your mind, I too would be yelling: Wake up, Leah! Life can be joyful, exciting, perpetually amazing, and with wonderful intimate relationships! That's the way it should be, for everyone -- and as long as we're honest with ourselves, that's how it is.
I broke down to a friend in work and told her everything. She told me this will not go away unless I get help...
This woman is an angel on your life path. She's caring enough to want to help you, which is more than your parents bothered to do; smart enough to know she couldn't handle your problem, and it might damage the friendship if she attempted it; and wise enough to advise you to see a professional. Hang on to her.
Your doctor was a bad choice. I know it's supposed to be the first port of call for everyone, but the all-purpose advice to "see your doctor" creates a problem in itself. There aren't enough doctors, and most of them are pretty jaded. Even the best of them have more patients than they can cope with, so everyone gets fobbed off. You "broke down and told him everything" then he reached for his prescription pad. Here you are, girlie: just take these pills and everything will be fine. Now go away. Next patient!
Incidentally, I know you didn't tell him "everything". You didn't mention your age but you have a boyfriend and I believe you're still living with your parents, so I'm thinking you're teens or early 20s. If your doctor is typical of what's out there he gave you about ten minutes, and for most of that time he was neither seeing nor hearing you because he was too busy looking at his screen and rattling away on his keyboard. So the "everything" you told him didn't include your lived experience or your feelings about it. I'm guessing you told him what you've told us: I can't sleep, I can't eat, and I feel nervous and anxious because I know my boyfriend and I love each other but something's not right.
Leah, the problem is clearly not with your boyfriend; it's with your parents. It isn't their fault they're too troubled to 'be there for you', but it looks to me as though they've stopped trying -- if they ever did.
please someone tell me this has happened to you and I will be okay.
I've seen lots of young women on this forum who are trying to convince themselves (and us!) that their boyfriend is amazing and wonderful, he just "can't help" beating them, sexually abusing them, being unfaithful or whatever of the million-and-one horrors troubled men do to their equally troubled partners. You'll no doubt get responses from them, but you are not in that category. Your boyfriend is everything you want to believe he is. Hooray!
Perhaps your therapist has already suggested your parents are your entire problem, but more likely she's saving that until she's won your trust. No one wants to discover that their parents didn't or don't care enough to listen to them and respond appropriately with support, comfort and encouragement. As long as you insist and believe that the problem is in your intimate relationship, you'll have to keep taking pills in order to deny it all started long before you and he got together.
I’m not going to let my thoughts tell me how to live my life, I know what I want and I have it so I’m going to fight to get better and I’m glad I will have my boyfriend by my side all the way."
So am I, Leah, very glad. You're smart, too. That's why this wise co-worker is your friend, because like attracts like. When you can be honest with yourself, it'll be safe to let your thoughts run your life -- not just safe, but mandatory. All anyone has is a mind. To put it crudely: if you can't trust your own mind, you're screwed.
If all this makes sense to you, visit http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php. My username and signature there are the same as they are here, so you can address me directly.
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Candid - MVP
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by Leah09 » Sun Oct 01, 2017 7:04 am
Thanks for the reply, Iv only had one session with my therapist and she believes the problem is connected to my own insecurities that I’m not good enough. All I know is it’s not normal for you to feel completely in love head over heals to questioning everything resulting in this numb feeling. All I know is I love this man no matter what my head or body tells me and I’m going to fight I’m not giving up.
by Candid » Sun Oct 01, 2017 10:08 am
Leah09 wrote:she believes the problem is connected to my own insecurities that I’m not good enough.
That is true. All C-PTSD sufferers feel the same way. I highly recommend Out of the Storm as an adjunct to therapy. Don't think about it now, but when therapy gets rough and you need support between sessions, remember the link I gave you.
All I know is I love this man no matter what my head or body tells me and I’m going to fight I’m not giving up.
I know you're not, bless you. You never have and you never will. He's worth it -- and so are you. xx
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Candid - MVP
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by Leah09 » Sun Oct 01, 2017 10:35 am
Thank you candid,
It’s hard when you’ve let your thoughts get to you so much that I now feel numb and feel nothing when I look at him Yet I know in my heart I love him, and sometimes throughout the day I feel that love if only for a split second and it’s those split seconds that give me hope, I will update you on my journey and once again thank you x
It’s hard when you’ve let your thoughts get to you so much that I now feel numb and feel nothing when I look at him Yet I know in my heart I love him, and sometimes throughout the day I feel that love if only for a split second and it’s those split seconds that give me hope, I will update you on my journey and once again thank you x
by laureat » Sun Oct 01, 2017 12:36 pm
It is exactly what you need to do- losing the mind
Your feeling all comes from the mind:
All comes what you focus on
What you focus on and how you feel about it
How you react about it
But with no mind: no focus: no thinking: its a pure meditation and separation from the mind:
You have to learn how to give oneself some good times: with the good times you start to feel that life can be good if only you control what you focus on , and how you feel about living
Your feeling all comes from the mind:
All comes what you focus on
What you focus on and how you feel about it
How you react about it
But with no mind: no focus: no thinking: its a pure meditation and separation from the mind:
You have to learn how to give oneself some good times: with the good times you start to feel that life can be good if only you control what you focus on , and how you feel about living
- laureat
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by Leah09 » Thu Oct 05, 2017 11:20 am
Feel compelled to write here today,
Had the most amazing day on Tuesday and I felt like I had my life back and all my thoughts and worries left and I felt love and warmth towards my boyfriend. I thought to myself finally this is the end that I have been waiting and fought so hard for.
I was wrong. Yesterday and today I had so many of my old intrusive thoughts “you don’t love him you need to break up with him”
I feel like I’m back to square one and I feel like having a meltdown
Why me?
Why him?
Why is my brain stopping me from having and enjoying the one thing I want and love the most.
Seeing my therapist tomorrow she’s in for one hell of a session
Had the most amazing day on Tuesday and I felt like I had my life back and all my thoughts and worries left and I felt love and warmth towards my boyfriend. I thought to myself finally this is the end that I have been waiting and fought so hard for.
I was wrong. Yesterday and today I had so many of my old intrusive thoughts “you don’t love him you need to break up with him”
I feel like I’m back to square one and I feel like having a meltdown
Why me?
Why him?
Why is my brain stopping me from having and enjoying the one thing I want and love the most.
Seeing my therapist tomorrow she’s in for one hell of a session
by quietvoice » Thu Oct 05, 2017 11:42 am
Leah09 wrote: I thought to myself finally this is the end that I have been waiting and fought so hard for.
Reality is in flux. Things, and thoughts, are always changing. Nothing ever stays the same.
Do not think that "this is the end" and believe it . . . the end is a new beginning . . . relax and go with the flow of the ups and downs of life. Don't take your thoughts seriously.
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by Leah09 » Wed Oct 11, 2017 7:13 am
Update... I feel the need to post updates here for anyone who reads this who may be going through the same situation. I find from reading a lot of posts like mine people never update us or tell us that everything turned out okay and this is what I did to help myself ...... so I’m gonna do it
Therapy on Friday was intense we talked about my feeling of guilt and being a burden with my boyfriend because I have to put him through all this ..... it’s not a nice thing and I fe so guilty about it .... he’s the most caring person in the world and I love him with all my heart so I feel bad he basically has to go through this with me
A few days ago I remembered something that happened a few years ago that I constantly push to the back of my mind .... it involves a member of my family and a complete invasion of privacy ... I push it to the back of my mind and whenever it pops up again I push it straight right back.... I know I shoul prob talk about this to my therapist but I’m scared she will want to contact police I’m not sure of the rules regarding telling your therapist something like that ..... I feel like I want to tell my boyfriend but then parts of me say no because that’s me putting yet some more of my baggage on him ..... still experiencing instruve thoughts ..... emotional numbness that I can stop with music I know this is weird but I can feel everything I want to feel when I listen to music.... anyways I’m gonna keep updating if anyone has any advice please comment thanks guys
Therapy on Friday was intense we talked about my feeling of guilt and being a burden with my boyfriend because I have to put him through all this ..... it’s not a nice thing and I fe so guilty about it .... he’s the most caring person in the world and I love him with all my heart so I feel bad he basically has to go through this with me
A few days ago I remembered something that happened a few years ago that I constantly push to the back of my mind .... it involves a member of my family and a complete invasion of privacy ... I push it to the back of my mind and whenever it pops up again I push it straight right back.... I know I shoul prob talk about this to my therapist but I’m scared she will want to contact police I’m not sure of the rules regarding telling your therapist something like that ..... I feel like I want to tell my boyfriend but then parts of me say no because that’s me putting yet some more of my baggage on him ..... still experiencing instruve thoughts ..... emotional numbness that I can stop with music I know this is weird but I can feel everything I want to feel when I listen to music.... anyways I’m gonna keep updating if anyone has any advice please comment thanks guys
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