I'm an 18 year old male in my last year of highschool. I have very low confidence at the moment for many reasons a few being:
-I hate my skin, I just think it looks awful I get mild acne sometimes and I have scars on my forehead (not too serious) from prior accidents.
-Because of the reason above I hate I mean hate my forehead which leads to a major problem because in order to feel comfortable I need a haircut that covers my forehead but I don't want to look like young Justin Beiber it doesnt look mature. Right now I have a short haircut and it looks really good in proper lighting. Ik I look better with short hair in certain light but i feel uncomfortable as hell in the sun or bad lighting. I feel very comfortable in hats so I tend to wear them a lot like a weird amount...
-I'm a freakin virgin at 18 which ik shouldnt be sad but because of my confidence issues im undateable atm. Girls use to love me in grades 9-10 because ik im super nice, funny, and understanding but later on I stopped being flirty due to my low confidence I just want to find a girl that I can be there for and help support but in my current state I can't.
I want to be a confident individual. I'm going to university soon and I can't let this affect me.
Thanks for all who reply I appreciate it.
I havent rly told anyone this even my parents.
18 with very low confidence...
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by Amiller1627 » Mon Mar 21, 2016 9:34 pm
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by Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Mar 21, 2016 11:18 pm
Confident individuals are focused on how to transform the world, how to help others. They are not focused on what haircut in what lighting makes them look good or whether or not another person finds them super nice.
How do you think you transition from caring about your hair in what lighting to a confident individual focused on helping others? One way is to start getting yourself involved in organizations and activities that focus on helping people with real problems. When you volunteer at a homeless shelter, you will begin to gain some perspective and some confidence. You will interact with people that really need help, that really have a difficult life. Maybe volunteer at a hospital where you can help disabled people, those without limbs or burn victims. That should help build your confidence.
How do you think you transition from caring about your hair in what lighting to a confident individual focused on helping others? One way is to start getting yourself involved in organizations and activities that focus on helping people with real problems. When you volunteer at a homeless shelter, you will begin to gain some perspective and some confidence. You will interact with people that really need help, that really have a difficult life. Maybe volunteer at a hospital where you can help disabled people, those without limbs or burn victims. That should help build your confidence.
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by Amiller1627 » Tue Mar 22, 2016 3:55 am
Thanks for the advice im well aware that other people have it much worse than myself. I just want to find happiness and be comfortable with who i am.
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by Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Mar 22, 2016 4:06 am
I understand. You are not alone, it is a common situation.
My advice is not to minimize your feelings, rather to give you a path that will help provide perspective and confidence.
My advice is not to minimize your feelings, rather to give you a path that will help provide perspective and confidence.
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by laureat » Wed Mar 23, 2016 3:26 am
When someone say i want to be perfect because i want to do this, i want to do that, more women, more success so i can finally be happy
i say you dont really need to do all that so you can finally be happy, you have to learn how to access intelectual way of thinking because in life we cannot get everything that we want, sure we get some of that but not all of that, like i always had a desire to have sex with all hot women around me but it didnt happen, i only done it with few of them, i did not have sex with all the hot around me
When you think of that intellectually about what is driving you to do all that, you kinda let go because what you wish for is not exactly something to be desperate about it
I dont know how cool is to have everything that i want because i didnt have it but what i know is that i can be happy even without having everything that i want
i say you dont really need to do all that so you can finally be happy, you have to learn how to access intelectual way of thinking because in life we cannot get everything that we want, sure we get some of that but not all of that, like i always had a desire to have sex with all hot women around me but it didnt happen, i only done it with few of them, i did not have sex with all the hot around me
When you think of that intellectually about what is driving you to do all that, you kinda let go because what you wish for is not exactly something to be desperate about it
I dont know how cool is to have everything that i want because i didnt have it but what i know is that i can be happy even without having everything that i want
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by tijmenklip » Tue Mar 29, 2016 4:25 pm
Hey Amiller1627,
First of all. It is pretty natural to lack confidence. And it is perfectly possible to grow in to a more confident person.
A major part of being more confident - is respecting yourself. This involves one very important game changer; Go from an outer frame of reference to a inner frame of reference!
This means, learn to value yourself because you work on your own progress. Based on an internal set of values and goals you want to maintain and achieve.
Opposite to letting your self esteem get influenced, by (what you think) others think of you.
Not an easy change - and a gradual one. You can't just flip a switch and change your reference.
How about trying to define your values first. What is important to you?
And measure your actions to your values. Learn to act in accordance to your values. Opposite to external cues. And as you are able to this more and more - you will find you become more confident - because of what YOU do and who YOU are.
First of all. It is pretty natural to lack confidence. And it is perfectly possible to grow in to a more confident person.
A major part of being more confident - is respecting yourself. This involves one very important game changer; Go from an outer frame of reference to a inner frame of reference!
This means, learn to value yourself because you work on your own progress. Based on an internal set of values and goals you want to maintain and achieve.
Opposite to letting your self esteem get influenced, by (what you think) others think of you.
Not an easy change - and a gradual one. You can't just flip a switch and change your reference.
How about trying to define your values first. What is important to you?
And measure your actions to your values. Learn to act in accordance to your values. Opposite to external cues. And as you are able to this more and more - you will find you become more confident - because of what YOU do and who YOU are.
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