Does anybody know what might help me?

CBT focuses chiefly on your current situation and retrains you to see things in a more positive light.
EMDR goes 'under the radar' to heal brain lesions caused by trauma.
Thousands of people swear by EFT, which you can do at home working from the website.
Journalling, including letters to your abusers that you don't send, can clarify the issues for you.
Reading can help: google toxic parents, heal child abuse etc.

I really can't do counselling or therapy as it makes me so much worse

It typically gets worse before it gets better. Think of it like your leg was badly broken when you were a kid and you've walked funny ever since. Now someone is going to break your leg and reset it. It hurts... but after more pain and a bit of time, you'll no longer be limping through life.

You set the agenda in counselling or therapy. If you're going to work on this in any way, it's nice to have a weekly appointment with a counsellor as a safety valve. She's someone you can talk to about things that pop up day to day, so you don't get too overburdened with stress. You needn't talk about the distant past unless you actually want to.

hope for my life wrote:
If anybody knows of anything which might work I'd be really happy to hear from you.

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I'm speaking from personal experience here, and from a position of success. So, first off, know that you can come through this. And know this too, that you can come out the other side of this gaining more than you have actually lost through the experience.

There are a number of things you need to do (1) forget the past (2) keep your mind occupied so that it does not stray into bad places (3) develop a quiet mind and feelings and calmness (4) develop self-confidence, self-respect and pride.

(1) To forget, try and get rid of everything in your life that reminds you of the past. So, for example, any books or films or places you visit etc., etc., that you associate with your past expriences - get rid of them. Even people where you can, but certainly do not let anybody draw you into talking about the past.

(2) the best thing to keep your mind occupied is video games. Maybe you play them already but if not, then start now. These can occupy you effortlessly for hours and hours. When I say effortlessly, I mean that unlike, say, books, you don't have to concentrate, games hold you. However, they can be difficult skill wise and you must not be put off. I had difficulty with killing in games, but this was actually very therapeutic since it meant I had to steel myself so all the time I was building up bottle. (I played fantasy and adventure games, and I think these are best because they feed the mind on fiction and fill it with colourful images which have nothing to do with any reality.)

(3) Another thing which is very important is to start practicing meditation. This will calm you down and still the mind. Also relaxation techniques (you can get them from books or the internet), will have a calming effect as well and should be practiced. Further, you need to develop a sort of detachment from your feelings. That is to say, no matter how strong they are, no matter the level of fear you experience, you need to know that it is not really harmful. You need to develop an "I don't care" attitude. So you need to recite that mantra "I don't care" at frequent intervals but especially when you are feeling really bad. This is important, you really need to do it.

(4) You need to have pride in the fact that you have been through some terrible experiences but have survived, where a lesser person might not. You need to know that someone who survives what you have survived has become special. You need to constantly tell yourself what an exceptional person you are. You need to know that your life has a purpose which though not apparent now, will become apparent in the future when you have sufficiently recovered. Somebody who has suffered as you are suffering has suffered for some special reason, has some unique life purpose.

I should just add that this is no quick fix. This is years of work, but it really works and what's more, you will come out having gained from the bad experiences. Also, although the complete cure is years away, benefits will accumulate over this time and the first of them will arrive very quickly. It is a process of continuous improvement.

That's some good advice pantodragon.