kat wrote:Hi,
A more detailed example would be: A few months ago, when my period was actually late, and i told my boyfriend that it was. Consequently he got worried and so did I. To my relief a few days later i knew that i was not pg. However i didn't tell him bcos now he was paying me more attention and showing me more emotion than he ever had in the past. I loverd the fact that he was always calling me, and textin me just to see if i was okay. He got so worried he told his parents. And in turn they told mine. I managed to lie myself out of this situation too. I just can't seem to stop. And now, even my school grades have slipped bcos this is gettin me so down.
Perhaps you should figure out why your bf should give you attention and how much and then try to get that attention in an honest way. It might not be as effective as lying - in the short term - but wont get you into trouble either.
There might be issues of self-esteem behind your behaviour but you can still make use of bahavioral / traning techniques if you care to do so. We all do that with more or less understanding anyway.
There are different methods and you will have to find your own favorite combination.
Bedst known method and everyones favorite despite the fact that it almost never works is punishment. Leave that to others to use if they must.
A better way is to train an incompatible behavior. That might or might not be "telling the truth". An alternative could be "take the tough choice when possible" or "express yourself as accurately as possible". The way to train the chosen behavior is to reinforce every instance of it emidiatly after you actually do them. Praise yourself and promise to give yourself treats that you actually like. I say "promise" because reinforment should be as close in time as possible to be effective. Promising can be both fast and effective if you establish credibillity with yourself.
Another approach would be to "put your behavior on a cue": If you can train yourself in lying whenever you interact with someone that you really dont like and to do that at your own comand you will put the behavour on a cue (your own comand). When you have established a strong conneciton between your lying and your clear decision to do so, you just dont make yourself lie in relationships that means anything to you. Or stop alltogether. This is a very elegant method of getting rid of a behaviour and it can be quite effective.
And you still might give self-esteem issues a bit of consideration down the road.
cheers
