Day 1: Quitting Smoking Weed

Hi,

I am starting my journey today. Day 1. I'm scared. I feel like I will never be the me I was before. I was very smart and determined. I started smoking at 16 and I've been smoking everyday for 12 years. I found out recently that your brain is still developing till the age of 25 and now I feel like I didn't give myself the chance to fully develop. I wonder if I am ever going to be able to become the version of myself I could have been today if I never smoked. Today I begin searching for myself again. I am searching for the fire, the light, the confidence, that made me determined and passionate, that made me who I was. I knew what I wanted and I knew who I wanted to be but after I started smoking I lost all that. I didn't care about anything anymore. The things that fulfilled me before were replaced and I didn't feel the need or want to really accomplish much. Smoking made me feel fine with everything, at peace with everything, just doing the bare minimum, that's all I've been doing since the day I started smoking and I am done. I am done with that and I am ready to take control of my life. I started this post because I came across biggiesize's posts and I'm inspired to document my own journey. Whoever else is ready but is having a hard time. It is hard. Expect it to be hard, but don't stop trying and don't stop reminding yourself what you want. This is my 5th time trying to quit and I finally actually feel ready. We can do this.


How I feel today:
Kind of Empty (I want to smoke)
More Energy than usual but still feel cloudy (tired/lazy/unmotivated/unfocused)
Determined to stop
Even though I feel empty I can still say I feel happy and grateful