Okay, so I need a third and completely unbiased opinion because I'm unable to stop thinking. I'm going to be 100% honest with everything because I'm not sure how bad it'll look, and I'm interested to get the full list of it all out in visual words. Basically, I'm not sure what is going on. I'm uncomfortable all of the time. I take diet pills (I've tried many over the last 3 years, just various ones like hoodia, clen which is apparently "dangerous", etc.). I eat anywhere from 100 to 500 cals a day. I do exercise, but usually no more than 5 days. I'd like to point out, though, I am NOT underweight, not for my [short] height. I do use laxatives to monitor myself sometimes when I feel hefty, like tonight, which was the first night I've gone over 1000 cals in over 3 weeks. Sometimes I am dizzy and sometimes I feel weary and cannot sleep. I usually choose to eat alone in my room before/after my work day because I don't like being with food around others. I've lost 15 lbs within the last 2 weeks, and I reached my original goal I decided I was going to lose on my Jan 1st New Year Resolution, but it doesn't feel like I've reached it afterall. I'm just not happy with it. I am a regular user of a pro-thin website forum, and have been for some time now. Today to eat I had half a plate of pasta alfredo and arizona iced tea. I'm paranoid of backtracking, and again, will be taking laxatives shortly because of it, just to aid.
I can recognize when someone is doing things that are wrong or abnormal, but somehow when I look at this my first thought is, I do not see anything wrong or different about any of it, really, at all. Then I do rationally force myself to question if I am somehow just not viewing this all properly, especially when I see tv specials about eating problems and almost everything they're preaching against, I do. Still, I don't feel like it's any sort of issue. I have read a lot about people with food disorders and problems and their symptoms and everything, and I can relate to much of it, but I am not that person. I'm one of the most 'boring' people I know. I'm the most normal sibling of my brothers and my sister. It just doesn't make sense to me?
So basically I want to see what a third POV thinks. Please be 100% blunt and truthful? Am I just not making sense?