Hi - i'm not sure if anyone can help or understand but i wanted to just express how i am feeling and how i have been suffering for the past 3 years. i wouldnt say i had an 'eating disorder' or body dismorphia but something is not right and makes my life miserable.
I have never been massively overweight, i recognise that. about 3 years ago i was much larger, i'm 5ft 8, and weighed 13st at 23 yrs old. I had moaned about being a bit podgy but my weight had never overly been a concern. however, the doctor told me i should watch my weight as it was creeping up. I decided to try and shed some weight, and went to weight watchers and dropped two stone and felt great. however, i gained abouot half a stone again and went back to ww. i then dropped down to 10st. I began to be told by friends and family that they prefered me at 11st as i looked curvier and healthier but i became obsessed by maintaining a slim body. The more i lost, the more i wanted to lose. i began the atkins diet and went down to 9st 7. unfortunately, i put some weight back on and have been fluctuating since xmas between 10st and 11st. im currently 10st 4. i am not exagerating when i say that food DOMINATES my life. i love food and eating. but in my effort to try to loose weight (i would like to be 9st) i am always either dieting or binging then feeling guilty - to the level that i purge or take laxatives. i'm currently on a south beach diet, and am feeling ok - but i'm conscious that i upset people that are close to me by CONSTANTLY talking about my weight and worrying about what i eat and drink. i speak about it to strangers. i text people if i eat a biscuit cos i feel guilty. im told 100 times a day i have nothing to worry about, but when one person doesnt say anything when i say im dieting i presume they think i need to be on a diet. i look at my stomach and legs and thighs in the mirror everytime i pass. i grab the skin on my stomach when im feeling down or fat. i dont know what to do. i dont know how to stay slim but not obsess about food andthe way i look.