Bulimia and me

Hi,
Ive been suffering with bulimia for around 7 years now, on and off. It first started when I was in some ridiculous diet which entailed of eating well...nothing and living off cups of tea and milk. I was very proud of myself for managing to only live off this for about 4 weeks, but then I ate an orange, yes an orange... and I felt sooo guilty.....so I threw it back up. Anyway that was the first time...after that I was eating nothing for a week, then would binge on packets of biscuits and throw them back up afterwards and this cycle went in for months until I was so thin you could see every bone in my body.
I have had a lot of hardship in my life, all of which I blame myself for, my own stupid decisions and mistakes. I don't like myself at all to be honest...I don't really know, but I know I loved being that thin...despite being able to see every bone in my body or how bad my skin had got, it was how I looked in clothes that I loved, and despite never being anything over a size 8 to begin with, being a size 4 (which I realised was an American size 0 which all the magazines were talking about, yay for me) now that made me happy! Well it didn't last, the being a size 4 thing...but if course it didn't, it was completely unrealistic. I met a guy, fell in love and started eating normally again till I was back to a size 8 again. Of course it didn't last and not fitting into those tiny clothes anymore made me feel like i was really, really fat so I started binging again in the hopes to whittle my weight down and here we are today. I am now in my late 20s, size 6 on top and 8 on the bottom and I know lots and lots of women would love to be this size but I can't stop wanting to be thinner, I mean, I know that it's ridiculous and unhealthy and I really want to stop, but I just feel so much guilt after everything I eat, I'll begin to eat healthy then it will turn into me eating everything in the cupboard just so it's easier to purge it all out again. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm either eating nothing or I'm eating everything in sight and throwing it all up... I can't find a balance. I want so badly to be healthy and live a long life which I know I am damaging every time I purge...
This is the first time I've told my story or admitted my problem, and I'm doing it in the hopes that just getting it out of my head will help me move forward and overcome this....I want to stop, I need to stop